Quotes from Angel, Season 2

Judgement

Health Club Manager: That guy has horns.
Angel: Steroids. Not good for you.

Angel: The thing about a gym is that you're not alone. You've got people around -- encourages you to work out.
Cordelia: You don't have to work out. You're eternal.

Angel: You got your steam; you got your sauna and your fresh towels. I mean, how bad could it be?
Cordelia: You shower with a lot of men.
Angel: I'll always be a loner.

Wesley: Nasty demon, unknown origin.
Angel: Awful lot of that in this town. I'm sure he'll feel right at home.

Lindsey: Angel. He's here in town. You can feel him.
Darla: Always could.

Lindsey: He's taken from both of us. So when you feel ready, we'll start thinking about giving a little back.

Darla: Angel. It's been a long time. I'd love to see that boy.

Cordelia: Don't yell like that. You will scare him.
Wesley: Scare him?
Cordelia: Dennis is very sensitive. He's trying to help. He's more a person than a . . .G-H-O-S-T.

Wesley: I may have someone who can help.
Angel: Who?
Wesley: A parasite demon named Merle.
Cordelia: Maybe it's time to pay your stoolie a little visit. Make with the chin music until he canaries…I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo.

Wesley: There's a place he hangs out. A safe haven for demons. I've been meaning to take you there; I think it may be of use for us. But. . .
Angel: But what?
Wesley: It's a little outside the box.

Cordelia: Your stool pigeon feels safe in a karaoke bar?

Cordelia: Cat got your tongue, Merle?
Merle: I don't have a tongue.
Cordelia: Oh.

Host: Smart and cute. How 'bout gracing us with a number?
Angel: I don't sing.

Cordelia: Who is this guy?
Wesley: He's . . . anagogic.
Cordelia: Really? He looks like he's eating enough.

Cordelia: Come on, Angel. I wanna hear you sing.
Angel: No.
Wesley: It would be for a good cause. We might learn something.
Angel: Who's the boss here?

Angel: Three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public.

Angel: I help people.
Pregnant Woman: You're kidding, right?

Wesley: Cordelia said he was a nasty.
Cordelia: Well, he looked nasty. .

Wesley: What? We're supposed to think a creature like that could change his modus operandi overnight? Turn into some noble protector and. . . defender of. . . . oh God.

Cordelia: Thanks for the obscure visions! We're doing great with that.

Gunn:  You should probably go home now…Uh. You're welcome!
Angel: People nowadays. Would it kill 'em to say thank you?

Angel: You well?
Gunn: Picture of health and harmony. Look at you, dog. You haven't aged a bit.
Angel: I've got a situation.
Gunn: So much for the small talk.

Gunn: He was on our side?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: Well, did you find the scumbag who killed him?
Angel: I'm the scumbag who killed him.
Gunn: Oh.

Gunn: You gonna hang here and soak up the guilt?

Angel: It's sorta my job.
Pregnant Woman: Your job?
Angel: Yeah! Look. I got cards! And an office. Well, the office kinda blew up, but we're working out of this other apartment in Silverlake, temporarily.

Cordelia: Who is it?
Gunn: Gunn.
Wesley: What was that?
Cordelia: Something about a gun. What if it's a demon with a gun!?
Wesley: Listen up. Whoever you are. We're well-armed and we know how to do battle, so if you know what's good for you. . .
Cordelia: My name is Gunn. Angel sent me.

Cordelia: Wesley, you've heard Angel talk about Gun. He's a great guy with a really fly street tag.
Wesley: What's he fly?
Cordelia: It's how they know you on the street, dorko. Gun! It really let's you know you mean business.
Gunn: It's my name. Charles Gunn. Two N's.

Cordelia: It's nice to finally meet.
Gunn: I've seen you before.
Cordelia: Really? The Tan-n-Screen commercials!
Gunn: I saw you in bed.
Cordelia: What?!
Wesley: I can see this is none of my business.
Gunn: You, too.
Wesley: Now just a moment!

Gunn: This all the cases you got goin'? Well isn't this the well-oiled machine?
Cordelia: We set 'em up; we knock 'em down. Well, we did until Angel knocked down the wrong. . . I'm sure he's getting on top of it now.

Cordelia: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else. . . that didn't come out right.

Angel: I thought I was out of the tunnel.
Cordelia: Sure you did. Because the tunnel is. . . . You know, it's something we all. . . . Are we talking real tunnel or symbolic? Just give me that much.

Angel: That light was so bright. I thought I was already out.

Cordelia: It's going to be a long while 'til you work your way out. But I know you well enough to know you will. And I'll be with you until you do.
Angel: What about your inevitable stardom?
Cordelia: I'm not saying I won't have a day job.

Angel: Look, we gotta find her right away. Whatever it takes. There's only one way.
::CUT::
Angel: Oh Mandy. Well, you came and you gave without takin'. . . .

Cordelia: That man will do anything to save a life.

Host: You're just the hot ticket. One night only, two seats left, partially obstructed view.

Host: My question, first -- and answer true because you know I'll know -- why Mandy?
Angel: Well, I-I know the words. I kinda think it's pretty.
Host: And it is ya great big sap! There's not a destroyer of worlds who can argue with Manilow. And good for you for fessin' up.

Pregnant Woman: I really appreciate you helping us like this. But you know how you're not really good at anything? Sure you can do this?
Angel: I grew up around horses.

Angel: Nice horse. Try not to make me looks stupid out there, okay?

Pregnant Woman: You okay?
Angel: Yeah.
Pregnant Woman: You sure seem to bleed a lot.
Angel: Part of the job.

Wesley: Good idea. Start over with a fresh slate.
Angel: Actually, we're starting over with no slate.

Faith: Bad day. One of the girls in the yard tried to build a rep by throwing down with me. She had low self-esteem and . . . a homemade knife, so . . . .
Angel: Is she, you know, alive?
Faith: She lives to tell the tale. Took the knife away, and I can't say much for the wrist it came in.

Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding.
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: Copacobana?
Angel: Mandy. I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.

Are You Now or Have You Ever Been

Cordelia: Something the matter?
Angel: I, um, I think it's gone bad. It's starting to coagulate.
Cordelia: Huh? No. That's cinnamon. What? I can't try something?

Judy: My boyfriend? He's kind of the jealous type.
Angel: Maybe you shouldn't go wandering into other men's rooms.

Cordelia: You did notice that Angel neglected to tell us the, for instance, point of all this?
Wesley: Ah. Well, I mean, clearly, he has us compiling incidents, arranging data, organizing information in such a way that. . . yes, I did notice that -- the no point thing.

Wesley: Frankly, I haven't the slightest idea what to do with all this. We could make a collage. Or a mobile!

Wesley: Well, now we know one thing for certain.
Cordelia: Yup! It's not that vampires don't photograph. It's just that they don't photograph well.

Judy: Can you imagine that wallpaper being the last thing you see before you go?
Angel: Maybe it was the wallpaper that drove him to it.

Cordelia: It's kinda like a puzzle -- the Who Died Horribly Because Angel Screwed Up 50 Years Ago Game?

Angel: It's been a long time since I've opened a vein, but I'll do it if you pull any more of that Van Helsing Jr. crap with me. Are we clear?

Store Guy: Vampire wanting to slay a demon in order to help some grubby humans? I just don't get it.
Angel: To be honest, I'm not sure I do either.

Wesley: Orb of Ramgarin!
Gunn: "Orb of Ramgarin, please," makes it happen.
Wesley: Please. And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile.
Gunn: [Tosses Orb at Wes]
Wesley: ANGEL!
Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, alright? Whatever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.
Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.
Angel: Oh.

Thesuliac: I don't remember ordering take out, but I like what you brung me.  Not as delectable as the last one perhaps, but full of tasty paranoia just the same. Especially that one.
Wesley: What did he mean by that?

Wesley: What did it mean "especially that one"?!

Judy: I'm so sorry I killed you. Can you forgive me?
Angel: Of course.

Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time, but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.

Cordelia: Are we finished?
Angel: Think so.
Cordelia: Good. Because I, for one, will be glad to see the last of this place. Gives me the heebie jeebies.
Gunn: No lie. Plus, it's kinda got an odor to it, you notice that?
Cordelia: Seventy years of violence, mayhem, and paranoia? Bad vibes.
Angel: We're moving in.
Cordelia: I mean, a few throw pillows -- what's not to love?

Wesley: Angel. You don't find me especially paranoid, do you?
Angel: Not especially.
Wesley: Oh, thank god. I was worried.

First Impressions

Host: You've been practicing haven't you?
Angel: A little.
Host: Probably not in front of the mirror.

Angel: I still can't believe you're here. I mean, I killed you.

Cordelia: This isn't mere dust. This is Son of Dust. This is the kind of  dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust.

Cordelia: I give up.
Wesley: Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting…

Cordelia: He's still sleeping.
Gunn: Sleepin'? It's 3:30 in the afternoon. I been up since dawn.
Cordelia: Sort of missing the whole Creature of the Night angle, isn't he?

Gunn: Could one of you go in there and knock on his coffin?
Cordelia: He doesn't *use* a coffin. And maybe you've never heard the expression "Let sleeping vampires lie"?

Cordelia: Maybe we can help.
Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C-3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.

David: Got here as quick as I could.
Cordelia: We paged you two days ago.

David: Where's Angel?
Cordelia: Actually, he's still kind of sleepy.
David: At 3:30? I've been up since dawn.

David: I stand ready to fight the good fight, sir. Whaddya need?
Angel: Financial advice.

Angel: Cordy? You're driving.
Cordelia: Me? Drive your car? Cool!

Wesley: Shotgun!

Gunn: We're too late. He split.
Cordelia: Maybe he heard what a pleasant person you were to be around.

Cordelia: When you do find him, you may want to be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A. Confidential, and a little less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs.
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed of the Oscar for Malcolm X. Later.
Wesley: That was quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know! Talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No. I - I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh. Well, he's always great.
Wesley: (to Angel) What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't love Denzel?

Wesley: Uh. Oh, s'quite alright. Now, about the naked thing.
Angel: I'll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.

Cordelia: Do you know what he's going to do to me when he finds out I let his car get stolen? I mean, what are the chances that a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?

Gunn: You don't have a clue why I do things I do.
Cordelia: Paging Mr. Rationalization!
Gunn: Paging Miss About to Be Thrown Out of a Moving Vehicle!

Cordelia: You need protection.
Gunn: And how exactly do you plan on protecting me -- with some weak-ass, lady smith battle axe?
Cordelia: Ask Joey and his cracked skull just how "weak-ass" it is.

Wesley: What's the problem?
Angel: It's just, you know, the whole visibility issue not to mention the whole hat head thing, and I mean, when you really think about it how come I have to wear the ladies helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

Wesley: Looks good. Hop on board gorgeous.
Angel: You'll pay for this.

Gunn: You must be Deevak. They told me you was ugly, but damn!

Wesley: Angel, look. I found your keys. Unfortunately, this substance doesn't appear to be coming off.
Angel: What is that?
Wesley: Demon blood. Or demon puss. Or possibly both.

Untouched

Wesley: I am not a sheep!
Cordelia: You are such a sheep. You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book.
Wesley: At least I've opened a book.
Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!
Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?

Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should offer to pay Gunn.
Angel: No you weren't.
Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about 3 minutes, then it's strictly name calling and hair pulling.

Cordelia: No think! Pay. That's an order.
Angel: Hey. How about we pretend that you work for me.
Cordelia: You are really unpleasant when you --
Angel: Then why don't we pretend that you don't.
Cordelia: You can't fire me. I'm Vision Girl.

Cordelia: Stop moving.
Angel: I'm not.
Cordelia: Well then stop breathing.
Angel: I can't breathe.
Cordelia: Then . . . stop flexing your manly boob muscles or whatever.

Wesley: That's an ugly looking wound.
Angel: Doesn't feel pretty either.

Wesley: We should definitely approach this girl with caution. I guess you already figured that out.

Angel: We gotta find out everything we can about her.
Cordelia: Like, oh, say, her name?
Angel: I was impaled at the time.

Angel: Do you know how hard it is to think straight with a Ri-bar through your torso?
Cordelia: Actually, I do. Benefits of a Sunnydale education.

Angel: She said she was staying with a friend.
Cordelia: Well, that narrow it down to people who have friends. Where do we keep that list?

Angel: She's just a girl.
Cordelia: Just a girl that could kill your ass by blinking.

Gunn: You call; I come. Loaded for bear. Ready for battle. Somethin' else that starts with "B."

Gunn: Isn't this the thing? Some the kids in my camp put it together for me. Thought I might get the chance to stick it in somethin' tonight.
Cordelia: Men are all alike.

Gunn: Fair Cordelia. You still savin' my life?
Cordelia: Every minute.
Gunn: How's that workin' out?
Cordelia: You're alive aren't you?

Gunn: You got it. But if I come back here on the end of a spatula, I'm expectin' some *serious* workman's comp.

Angel: I'm going to bed. S'been a long day.
Cordelia: You've been up for three hours.

Angel: Well?
Cordelia: Top of the middle of the day to you, too.   

Cordelia:  No leads worth mentioning. Of course, we lost a little time during my 45 minutes of sleep. Good thing I left clothes here, or you'd be smelling me even now.

Cordelia: You shouldn't worry. Angel does this kind of thing all the time.
Bethany: Makes tea?
Cordelia: Helps people. You know, he helps people with problems.
Bethany: So what's wrong with you?
Wesley: Where to begin.

Bethany: She'll just think I'm crazy.
Angel: Are you?
Bethany: What?
Angel: Well, if you are, you know, crazy, I just think things will go smoother if I know up front.

Cordelia: There's something. She's got a vibe. I'm getting a vibe. She's vibe-y.
Wesley: I didn't notice a vibe.
Cordelia: Well, all evidence to the contrary, Wes, but you're not a woman.

Angel: You ever done it on purpose?
Bethany: Course not.
Angel: You never thought, "Man, that remote's too far away and I'd have to get up…"

Cordelia: You're sure nothing's broken?
Wesley: I'm sure.
Cordelia: Nothing at all? Say, you're brain?

Cordelia: What happened to "approach her with caution"?
Wesley: Would've given her time to get her defenses up.
Cordelia: She wouldn't be crying, you wouldn't be bruising, and Angel wouldn't have had a near Melba toast experience. What did you *say* to her?

Wesley: Statistically speaking, the father was the best guess.
Cordelia: There's not enough yuck in the world.

Angel: You're gone.
Cordelia: You can't fire Wesley! I'll quit, too! Unless you're firm.

Bethany: I feel safe up here.
Angel: Yeah. You did pick the one room in the house that may collapse to feel safe in.

Bethany: People are pathetic.
Angel: I don't know. I kinda like 'em. Time I've lived, I've seen some horrors, scary behavior, couple fashion trends I constantly pray to forget, but I see people try. I see them try to do better.
Bethany: You sound like an old guy.
Angel: Oh, you know, I'm very well-preserved.

Angel: I was having a nightmare.
Bethany: Looked like a pretty happy dream. Maybe the covers were just rumpled.

Bethany: I've done stuff. I can make you happy.
Angel: You wouldn't like me when I'm happy.

Angel: You want to make love, but you don't want to be touched.
Bethany: Make love? What, are you from the 18th century?

Bethany: Right. You love the people. You love them so much, you've got a hundred rooms to be alone in.

Gunn: Knock, knock! See this works great. You break; I enter.

Gunn: I'm still dealing with this man's ugly-ass living room set. Some people just shouldn't have money.

Gunn: Are you offering to pay me for helping you?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: Cool.

Gunn: You're a very graceful man. Have I ever mentioned that?

Cordelia: The thing about Angel? He's old-fashioned. OLD-fashioned. Like, the Age of Chivalry.

Cordelia: Those guys are better off squashed, I truly think. But, somewhere in that moment of panic, a decision got made and I don't want the same thing to happen to my friends. Or -- and I can't stress this enough -- me.

Bethany: So, are you and Angel?
Cordelia: Oh, no. I like my men less broody and more spendy.

Cordelia: Bethany!! You can squash those guys!!

Lilah: He’s a vampire, you know.
Bethany: Weird.

Dear Boy

Angel: Table seems far.
Cordelia: Aww, you must be all worn out from sleeping for the last three days. It's like living with the world's oldest teenager. He can't be having a growth spurt at two hundred and forty-eight, could he?
Angel: Two forty seven.

Cordelia: According to my figures, if we're frugal and garner some paying clientele soon, we're financially sound through last Wednesday.

Wesley: Where's it all going?
Cordelia: Well, there's the fixed costs, the mortgage on the giant hotel, my salary, there's lots of other--
Wesley: Well, what about my salary? It's fixed, too.
Cordelia: What if, every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie.
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea. No. Get a vision!
Cordelia: Well it's not like you can hit me in the head and "wham!" it happens.
Wesley: What if, we test that theory with one of my big old books?

Cordelia: Its disciples are human; they're killing each other. I think the fight is over how to worship it.
Angel: This is why personally I rarely go to church…I thought it was funny.

Angel: Gaah! I didn't doze off. Here I am. Where were we?

Angel: Saint Bridget's, in Fremont. A convent, built on native burial grounds. The land's cursed, they had eight murders in two years before the whole place burned to the ground, which is nothing compared to what happened at Our Lady of Lochenbee...I got a thing for convents.

Angel: We're gonna need some muscle. Call Gunn. He's on the payroll now.
Wesley: Right! But not in a fixed way like me.

Gunn: My Uncle Theo always said, "Never buy a dull plow, and never get in the middle of a religious war."
Cordelia: Do you really have an Uncle Theo?
Gunn: Nah. But it's still good advice.

Wesley: He hasn't been sleeping well lately.
Cordelia: He's off his game.
Gunn: Since when is it a game?

Cordelia: He has Visa, MasterCard, a problem! He's our target audience!

Angel: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I've just been so out of it lately. Because of her. I saw her, here in town. Last night.
Cordelia: Oh no, not again. Look I like Buffy as much as the next--
Angel: Not Buffy, Darla.

Angel: I saw her. I'm not crazy.
Wesley: Where?
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talkin' hot dog.

Wesley: You said yourself you've been having dreams, lately. Maybe it's guilt over killing your sire.
Cordelia: Right! Guilt! Who loves guilt like you love guilt?

Cordelia: You know what you need? You need to go back to work. We have an exciting new case: could be aliens, could be adultery. It's a corker!

Cordelia: What was that? We had a paying client.
Angel: Not everything's worth getting paid for.
Cordelia: Easy to say when you don't need solid food to survive.

Angel: Guess you didn't take that whole dust to dust thing to heart, did you?

Cordelia: Guys, that was really fun -- the public humiliation, running from the hotel security staff, and the nifty outfit which seemed to tell so many conventioneers "pet me, I'm a whore."

Angel: It was Darla. She's back, and she's human now, but I know her scent.
Wesley: Angel, you can't just sniff a person and --
Angel: You had sex last night, with a bleached blond.
Wesley: Good lord! How --
Cordelia: That's unbelievable. I didn't think you ever had sex.

Cordelia: Angel Investigations -- we solve big problems for small prices!

Cordelia: It's not like he turns evil   every  time he gets this cranky.
Gunn: He turns evil?

Gunn: As evil blood-suck vampires go, how would you rate Angelus?
Wesley: Historically, as bad as they come. Especially when he was with his sire, Darla.
Cordelia: We're researching her now to see if she has some kind of resurrection powers. Maybe she's a vampire cat with nine lives!

Gunn: So, he and Darla together, bad combo.
Wesley: They rampaged through half the known world, until Angel got his soul.
Cordelia: Imagine Bonnie and Clyde if they had 150 years to get it right.

Kate: I know he hasn't changed.
Gunn: No. He hasn't. He's still a vampire.
Cordelia: Gunn! Not helping!

Angel: What's the big plan? Get me so screwed up I go bad again?
Darla: Kind of trite, I know. But what do you expect? They're only human.
Angel: Better embrace that mediocrity, honey. You're talking about your own kind now.

Darla: All you have do, is let me give you one little moment of happiness.
Angel: You took me places, showed me things. You blew the top off my head. But you never made me happy.
Darla: But that...that cheerleader did?

Angel: You couldn't understand.
Darla: I understand all right. Guy gets a taste of something fresh, and he thinks he's touching God.

Darla: See? No matter how good a boy you are, God doesn't want you...But I still do.

Cordelia: We haven't seen you all day. We were just wondering if everything was, you know, copasetic.
Angel: I didn't go bad Cordelia.
Cordelia: Oh, I was never worried about that boss. Of course, Mr. Fussypants always assumes the worst.

Guise Will Be Guise

Cordelia: Do you have any clothes a man would wear?

Cordelia: Gonna be a pretty short ride. They have vampire detectors!
Gunn: We know. It's cool. He's got a plan.
Wesley: A plan?
Angel: Yes. I get to the offices before they stop me.
Gunn: See? What? That’s the plan? Walking real quick was the "plan"?

Cordelia: Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane and angry and... insane! You need help!
Angel: I'm not insane and I'm not angry.

Angel: Um. Maybe I'm a little angry.
Cordelia: Maybe!?

Gunn: Wait. Are you saying... Is he gonna sing? Oh God, is Angel gonna sing?

Host: You don't have to sing. A break for you, a break for me, a break for Mr. Manilow.

Angel: We're going. I don't have to sing.
Cordelia: Oh thank God...For your sake, 'cause you don't like to do that.

Cordelia: Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!
Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
Cordelia: Right, right. This is Angel: Oh, no. I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins and then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking about snapping completely, maybe on Friday.

Swami: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible...Why do you hate yourself?

Swami: Uh-huh. So why all the layers? All the black? You know it's been like eighty degrees in the shade, lately --
Angel: No reason... I don't really have a body temperature, so...
Swami: So it's for the look.
Angel: No. It's just... this way I don't have to worry about matching. I don't actually have a reflection, so...

Angel: Maybe my persona is a little affected --
Swami: A little affected? Come on. How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse you think are gonna be using that hair gel? Don't get me wrong, you're out there battling ultimate evil, you're gonna want something with hold.

Cordelia: Yes! The point of a gun! He just walked Wesley right out of here. And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what, pretty much a girly name.

Wesley: I'm the vampire with a soul. Fighting for my redemption with...with... killing evil demons. That's right! Scourge of the demon world. Don't worry, boys, I don't kill humans. Unless I'm really angry.

Swami: You're deeply ambivalent.
Angel: Well... I am and I'm not.

Angel: Look like? Beautiful... small, blonde...
Swami: Right. So this is what you do -- go out and find yourself some small blonde thing. Bed her. Love her. Then treat her like crap. Break her heart. You and your inner demon'll thank me, I promise.
Angel: Uh--

Gunn: Joking. Great. We got ourselves a funny Zen master.

Cordelia: What? I'm rescuing you! Key ingredient... we leave!

Cordelia: Angel! Gunn! What happened?!
Angel: He got hit. Why is Wesley wearing my coat?

Wesley: Did you find out who hired him?
Angel: He wouldn't say. That is my coat, right?

Angel: What's going on? Were you in Virginia?
Wesley: That's beside the point.

Wesley: We have to go. Angel, you take Gunn and go to the front of the house, Cordelia, you and I will go around the back--
Angel: Wesley?
Wesley: Oh. Right. I'm sorry. You know this kind of thing best. How should we proceed?
Angel: Um... Gunn and I could take the... back?
Wesley: Very good. Let's go.
Angel: Um...? Can I have my coat back?

Mr. Bryce: She's impure?! She's not a virgin?! You!
Gunn: Whoa! That's what impure meant?
Cordelia: She slept with him?!
Mr. Bryce: You were supposed to be Angel! This wouldn't have happened! That's why I hired him! He's a eunuch!

Angel: Not a eunuch!
Gunn: I coulda told you she wasn't a virgin.
Cordelia: One day as Angel?! One day and he's getting some?

Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear!

Angel: I'm not a eunuch.

Angel: Virginia Bryce, squired by Mr. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, private detective and bodyguard to the stars... "Squired" Who says squired?
Cordelia: Look at him all over her!
Angel: Cordelia, you're just jealous that he's getting some attention.
Cordelia: Damn skippy! He's getting famous off this!

Angel: No, no. Happy for him. "Of the Wyndam-Pryce Agency"? There's no Wyndam-Pryce Agency.

Angel: "Bodyguard to the stars." Yeah, right.

Darla

Lindsey: Something happened?  
Darla: God, yes. So many things. I remember them all. Which one were you thinking of?

Darla: No. No, there really isn't, is there? You can be with someone for 150 years - think you know them. Still; doesn't work out. Angelus - why, you should have seen us together.  
Lindsey: He was a different person then.  
Darla: And so was I. Now do you know what we've become?
Lindsey: Enemies.  
Darla: Oh no. Much worse. Now we're soulmates.

Darla: I'm a whore.  
Priest: Well, yes, that too.

Angel: All we gonna do is find her.  
Cordelia: And this would be the same woman you didn't notice was in your bedroom every night for like three weeks straight?  
Angel: That was different.  
Cordelia: Different in the sitting right on top of you sense, yeah.  
Wesley: Cordelia has a point.  
Cordelia: Finally!

Wesley: The last time Darla emerged she wanted to be found. Now she is out there among six million other people.  
Cordelia: She could be sitting on top of anybody.

Angel: Come on guys. We are a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.  
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.  Let's face it, unless there's a website called www.Oh-By-the-way-we-have-Darla-stashed-here.com, we're pretty much out of luck.

Cordelia: Before he said he could smell her.  How about we cruise around with the top down and you take big whiffs? Well, we'll wait until after the sun sets obviously.

Master: Angelus - the Latinate for Angel. It's marvelous.  
Darla: His name would already be legend in his home village had he left anyone alive there to tell the tale.

Master: We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks. We do not live amongst the human pestilence!
Angelus: I'll be honest, you really couldn't with that face, now could you?

Angelus: It's not stuck like that now is it?  
Darla: The Master has grown past the curse of human features.  
Angelus: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, huh? Am I?

Angelus: Tell the truth - whose face do you want to look at for eternity? His or mine?

Angel: Darla, Anglo-Saxon derivation, meaning 'dear one' - huh, didn't come into common usage until more than a 100 years after she was born. He must have given it to her. I didn't even know her real name.

Drusilla: No. His head's too full of you, grandmother.  
Darla: Stop calling me that.

Angel: That's pretty slim.  
Cordelia: It has a view.  
Angel: That's not enough.  
Cordelia: And Berber carpeting.  
Angel: Nah, we need to narrow it down further. Keep looking.  
Cordelia: And my sister is living in unit 319.  
Angel: You don't have a sister.
Cordelia: Sure I do. My older, way older, like 400 years older, blonde sister Darla, no last name. I've been desperately trying to find her because mom and dad are in the coma. Sue, the property manager was - very helpful. She even cried.

Cordelia: Probably a good idea since it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon and that address is in Sun Valley.
Angel: Right. Sun.
Cordelia: Actually I was thinking Valley. I mean why go there if you don't have to.

Darla: It wasn't my name when I was human. The first time when I was human, I mean.  
Lindsey: What was your name?  
Darla: Hmm - I don't remember. I'm not her, whoever she was. I was Darla for so long, then I wasn't. I - I wasn't anything. I just stopped. He killed me. I was done. Then you brought me back.  
Lindsey: Yes.  
Darla: What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I? Did you bring back that girl, whose name I can't remember? Or did you bring back something else? The other thing.

Darla: It's nice. - But it's not me you want to screw.  
Lindsey: What?  
Darla: It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel.

Darla: No. Nobody understands. Nobody can understand. I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decaying moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it. It's a cancer, this soul!

Darla: You took him from me. You stole him away. You gave him a soul.  
Gypsy: He must suffer as all of his victims have suffered.
Darla: That is no justice. Whatever pain he caused to your daughter was momentary, over in an instant or an hour. But what you've done to him will force him to suffer for the rest of eternity!

Cordelia: Angel!  
Angel: Cordy, please, I'm talking.  
Cordelia: Hi Darla. He can't talk right now. He'll call you back once he's found it -- Yeah, bye-bye.

Darla: I have question. Where was I? I don't remember anything. It's a great big nothing. Could it be there is no hell?  
Angel: There is a hell. A few of them. I've been to one.

Angel: What we were. And I also know what she's going through. And unlike me, maybe she won't have to go through it alone.  
Cordelia: You're not alone.  

Wesley: You may be right. She may be experiencing all of this exactly as you did. But Angel, you yourself wandered for a hundred years without ever seeking redemption.
Angel: That's right. I sought her.

Angel: I want things to be like they were. You and me together Darla. I miss the view.  
Darla: That's impossible.
Angel: It's not impossible.  
Darla: You still have a soul.  
Angel: I'm still a vampire.  
Darla: You're not. Look at you. I don't know what you are anymore.
Angel: You know what I am. You made me. Darla. I'm Angelus.
Darla: Not anymore.

Angel: If this is a trick, just know that I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I just might be coming back for you anyway.

Angel: Look I've killed men. You've seen it!  
Darla: Rapists and murderers, thieves and scoundrels.  Did you think I wouldn't notice? Only evildoers, that's all you hunt now. You swore to me. You said, if I took you back you'd prove yourself.

Holland: Lindsey, you don't understand our friend at all.  We know there is no prospect for physical intimacy here. So you needn't torture yourself.  
Lindsey: Then what do you expect him to do?
Holland: What he will do. What he must do. Save her soul.

Cordelia: Maybe we should get her a doctor.  
Darla: No. No doctors. Angelus.
Cordelia: Uhm. Sorry, I know you're concussion girl and all, but around here it's Angel - just Angel, okay?

Darla: Turn me back. God! I can't bear this pounding in my chest for another instant!
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heart beat - to know, really and for once, that you're alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. Look, I released you from this world once, I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.  
Angel: Favor. Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.

The Shroud of Rahmon

Wesley: What happened to your hair?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: Your hair. It's new...it's great! When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.
Wesley: Of course! I didn't want to embarrass you by...
Cordelia: ...noticing?

Wesley: Right. Enough is enough. I'm gonna march up there and tell him just that…
Cordelia: Nice posturing!
Wesley: Thank you!

Cordelia: Uh-huh, time to traipse off to your shallow, soul-sucking Hollywood party?
Wesley: Premier, actually. And I happen to have an extra ticket...
Cordelia: Who does shallow better than me?

Gunn: And what am I supposed to do? Sit home and knit?
Angel: I could use a sweater. Something dark.

Kate: Maybe not. I don't suppose you'd testify against her in a blindingly sunny court of law?

Angel: What happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood it's cocktail sauce, courtesy of Mr. Star-schmoozer here.
Angel: I mean to your head. Your - your hair. It looks great. When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago! Pay attention.
Angel: Why doesn't anybody tell me any of this stuff...

Wesley: I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow…Chow...
Cordelia: Chow Yun Fat!
Angel: What, you met Chow Yun Fat?!

Cordelia: Hmm...
Angel: What?
Wesley: Oh, I-I'm sure you can pull it off. You're…colorful.

Angel: Whoa, whoa, we need to talk, bro. Two things bringin' in the chicks: the do and the ride.
Demon: Get in.
Angel: I hope I don't see anybody I know.

Angel: Don't tell me, you must be Bob, the security guard. And you're a great big…monster, aren't you?
Demon: This is Jay-don. He talks too much.
Angel: I'm a people person. I like the shirt. Where'd you get that, at Ed's big and spiny?
Spiney Demon: He's funny. You're funny. You'll be even funnier when I crush your head.
Angel: Funny 'ha, ha' or funny peculiar?

Gunn: Depends. Do we all got to wear these ugly ass shirts? Is this, you know, a team thing? Because, you know, I got my pride.

Bob: Any change in temperature will set off the alarm.
Angel: Guess that's where I come in, huh?
Gunn: Oh, no body heat. I guess that comes with the no soul thing, huh?

Cordelia: I got it! Jeez, back seat surfer!

Cordelia: Okay. Two words I don't like right off the bat: tomb and unearthed. People, you've got to leave your tombs earthed!
Wesley: Shroud of Rahmon. Have you ever heard of it?
Cordelia: I'm not big on shrouds. They're an after you die outfit.

Cordelia: Why is it always virgin women who have to do the sacrificing?
Wesley: For purity, I suppose.
Cordelia: This has nothing to do with purity. This is all about dominance, buddy. You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice the world would be atheist like that.

Cordelia: I get the picture. - So in order to take his mind off the torment that is Darla, we sent Angel after a box that makes you crazy.

Spiny Demon: Humans always got to feel something about everything. And they always got to tell you about it. 'I'm so happy - I'm so sad - I'm so scared.' Makes me sick.
Angel: Oh, now, I like it when they're scared! Makes them taste kind of salty.
Spiny Demon: Did I ask for your opinion, you overgrown leech?
Angel: Oh, please! Altoids, aisle 4!

Gunn: When are they gonna start making some pretty demons?

Angel: Shut up and lift, Lester!
Gunn: Don't give me orders, Elvis!

Angel: You know I'm getting pretty tired of this 'vampires killed my sister so now I'm all entitled' song. Don't you know anything else, like say MacArthur Park?

Wesley: Is that Gunn? What's he doing here? I never thought of him as the museum type.

Angel: Wow! Look at you rushing in here all by yourself! You're the best cop ever.
Spiny: Too many humans.
Angel: Excuse me, that is my girl.

Angel: Oh Katie - what are you so afraid of? Is it this? Is it the part where I'm gonna kill you? Because I got to tell you I love that in a woman!  

Wesley: Angel drank human blood, from a living person. Something he hasn't done in a very long time.
Cordelia: So, on top of everything else we may have reawakened his bloodlust?
Wesley: Yes.
Cordelia: Hmm. Full days work then.
Wesley: I think so.

The Trial

Cordelia: He's been down in that cellar a long time.
Wesley: I keep hearing a ... "chucka chucka" sound... what's he doing down there?
Cordelia: How should I know? He barely says good morning and get me a glass of blood anymore.

Wesley: I was a man -- I said... things.
Cordelia: Like what?
Wesley: Like did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England!

Wesley: Well, this is good to see you... taking a domestic tack...
Cordelia: Yeah, you seem all calm and homey -- are you on drugs?

Cordelia: You lied to us!
Angel: I did, I know.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: I figured you'd nag.

Angelus: This is outrageous! Don't these people know who we are?
Darla: I believe they do. Which would explain the lynch mob.

Angelus: I hate the French. We should go someplace like Romania.
Darla: In Italy you said we should go someplace like France.
Angelus: Place like Romania, they really know how to treat a creature of the night.

Darla: I wasn't in danger, Angelus! Believe me. I picked a stupid one. I always pick the stupid ones! Didn't you know that?

Angel: You really want to be made by some creep in a filthy alley?
Darla: I wanted you to do it.
Angel: That'll never happen.
Darla: So I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley if I recall.
Angel: That's... not the point.

Darla: I don't trust them. But I know a thing or two about mind games. And so do you. We played them together for over a century.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers.

Cordelia: Okay, first up: You're our prisoner.
Wesley: I would have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: See, you've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Wesley: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects, 'kay?

Lindsay: Does it really look like you need to throttle me for information?
Angel: Need to?

Lindsay: Yeah. Looks like our Darla was a working girl in the New World. The syphilis is what she was dying from when she was human. Now she's human again... kind of picking up where she left off -- Of course, today something like that could be cleared up with a few antibiotics. That is, if you catch it soon enough. In this case, we were about a month and, oh, four hundred years too late.

Angel: Do you love her, Lindsey? Is that what this is? Look at you. A few short months with her and you've gone all schoolboy. I was with her for 150 years --
Lindsay: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it. And neither are you.

Angel: And then, what, Lindsey? You and her can be together? If I were to do it, if I turned her -- how long do you think before she hunted you down and had you for breakfast? Gotta say -- that thought alone almost makes it worth it.

Host: I sense pain and anger -- are you still testy from last time?
Angel: When you sent me to that swami who was dead and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?
Host: That was painful. I'm still reeling.
Angel: I feel your pain -- what with the trying to kill me and all.
Host: Oh people try to kill you every day -- I'm talking about Ramone who overheard us and betrayed me... man was a world class bartender, made a Seabreeze that took you to Tahiti -- he's off the menu now.

Angel: Aren't you supposed to be reading her?
Host: I'm a channel surfer. Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich, you want to save the girl and I can see why...

Host: Why do you care so much? She had more than most of us, four hundred plus years already.
Angel: As a vampire. Before that she was... she never had a chance.
Host: Well you're just a big softy, aren't you.

Angel: He said I had to take the plunge.
Darla: Into an empty pool?
Angel: Sure, 'cause if you had water in there you'd get all wet and miss out on the skull crushing.

Angel: I'm either coming back with a cure or you're about to see something kind of funny...

Valet: Isn't the world better with you in it? You can save so many people. It seems she can barely save herself.

Darla: Angel, I see it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I've felt it. I've felt how you care -- in a way no one's ever cared before. Not for me. That's all I need from you.

Angel: How could The Powers allow you to be brought back -- dangle a second chance -- then take it away like this?
Darla: Maybe this is my second chance.
Angel: To die?
Darla: Yes. To die. They way I was supposed to die in the first place.

Lindsey: How did you think this would end?

Reunion

Gunn:   No, no, what I'm saying is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother.
Wesley:  Oh…yes.
Gunn:  Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole bloodsucking thing.

Cordelia:  You can't go in uninvited, remember?  You need us!
Angel:  Not this time.
Cordelia:  So, what's the plan?  Stand outside his door and make remarks?

Holland:  Drusilla, you are positively glowing.
Drusilla:  I'm going to be a mummy!

Wesley:  Angel, are you certain about this? A burial isn't necessary for a newly made vampire to...
Angel:  It would be for Drusilla.  She's a classicist.
Cordelia:  She's a loony.

Drusilla:  I saw you coming, my lovely, the moon showed me. It told me to come into the 20th century.
Angel:  It's the 21st century, Dru.
Drusilla:  I'm still lagging.

Cordelia:  Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards. Nice Plan, General Custer.

Gunn:  You had me at: Everyone, gear up.

Drusilla:  You're all new again!

Angel:  I'd be careful who you offer hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just loose it. Isn’t that right, Lindsey?

Angel:  You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die, innocent people.
Holland:  And yet, I just can't seem to care.

Darla:  Why aren't you afraid?
Lindsey:  I don't know.
Darla:  You could die here. Chances are, you will.
Lindsey:  Yeah.
Darla:  And you don't care?
Lindsey:  I care. I guess I just don't mind.

Darla:  Dru honey, in our new digs, we have to put in a people cellar.

Drusilla:  Daddy's home.

Darla:  Angelus.  Here for the tasting?
Drusilla:  Look what we have for you. It's not Daddy.  It's never Daddy. It's the Angel-beast.
Darla:  Come to punish us?
Drusilla:  Yeah, yeah. Spank us till Tuesday. We promise to be bad if you do.

Holland:  Angel, please; people are going to die.
Angel:  And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.

Wesley:  You could have stopped them.
Angel:  And I will.
Cordelia:  When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?

Cordelia:  You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?
Wesley:  Listen to her. Right now, the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.
Gunn:  You best believe that man.
Angel:  I do. You're all fired.

Redefinition

Cordelia: What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?
Wesley: I believe we were fired.
Gunn: Canned.
Wesley: Let go.
Gunn: Axed.
Wesley: Shown the door.
Gunn: Booted.
Cordelia: All right! I get it. But what just happened?
Gunn: You got a thesaurus in there?

Cordelia: Darla. It's all about Darla. One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent - it's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.

Virginia: He fired you? He can't do that, you're on a mission to protect the innocent. You can't fire someone on a mission. What did he say exactly?
Wesley: "You're fired."
Virginia: Oh.

Virginia: You're a renowned specialist in supernatural aid and rescue.
Wesley: No, I'm just a… "renowned," really?

Wesley: A Bloody Mary, please.
Bartender: You want real blood with that?
Wesley: Uh… no. Bloodless. Thanks.

Gunn: Was one of his directives "Hire pansy ass British guy?"
Wesley: My ass is not pansy!

Cordelia: I don't get it - are we late? We didn't feel late in my head.

Darla: Why is everyone trying to make this about Angel? For God's sake, can't a woman wreak a little havoc without there being a man involved?
Drusilla: You miss him. Like a heartbeat.
Darla: I don't miss my heartbeat, Dru. It was a symptom of a disease I've since been cured of. You know, in a perfect world, Angel would be here right now, helping me burn this city to the ground. This is his job I'm doing. But where is he? Probably flogging himself in a church somewhere.

Darla: That wasn't Angel.
Drusilla: He's gone! He's all gone! Oh, it hurts… it hurts…
Darla: Wasn't Angelus, either.
Drusilla: Help me…
Darla: Who was that?

Blood Money

Gunn:  Three fifths of the world covered in water, the rest covered in me!
Wesley:  Shut up.
Gunn:  Who's your ruler, baby?  What's my name? Come on, English, say it: Gunn.

Gunn:  That's an Angel? Looks like a - a lobster with a - growth or... We'll make our own logo.

Gunn:  So it's big.
Wesley:  Big.
Gunn:  And fire breathing.
Wesley:  Breathing.
Gunn:  Big, two-headed, fire-breathing...
Wesley:  I think we all have the picture, Gunn.  It's not a teddy bear and it probably shouldn't be attending the Kenyard School for Girls.
Gunn:  You know, right about now I wouldn't mind...
Wesley: Don't say it! We don't have him and it's not going to do any good wishing we did!
Gunn:   I was gonna say some dynamite.

Wesley:  Oh god.
Gunn:   The tunnel is almost twenty feet tall.  It was crouching.
Wesley:  Uh, well. We'll take another look and then we'll...
Gunn:  ...die!

Angel:   Lilah. I just had to drop by and congratulate you on your big promotion. Co-vice-president Special Projects. Wow. That's super. You deserve it. Yeah.  That and so much more.
Lilah:   Angel...
Angel:   But you know what the real special part is?  To think that maybe, in my small way, I helped make it happen for you.  That makes me feel all good inside.

Angel: The game. It's actually kind of fun when you know the rules. I mean, when you know - that there aren't any. You screw with me, and you screw with me, and... you screw with me. And now - I get to screw with you.
Lilah: Uh... 
Angel: That's gonna be great!
Lilah: Angel, please...
Angel: No. No. No. No. The begging - that comes later.

Boone: Don't know. Don't care. All I do know is, when Angel come for you, he's gonna find me instead.
Lindsey: I like it.  I like it and I'll tell you why: because of the finding you instead part

Lilah: Aren't you forgetting something?   The senior partners want Angel alive.
Lindsey: So?
Lilah: So - what if this guy is actually as good as he says and actually kills Angel?
Lindsey: Boo-hoo!  Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand!

Wesley: It's the biggest thing you've ever seen.
Gunn: And me and English here are just getting stomped, just ducking flames.
Wesley: It hurls me into the outflow drain...
Gunn: And then you come crawling back, stinking, screaming curses.  The mouth on this boy!
Wesley: And Gunn hits him form behind, yelling 'look at us when we kill you!' and both its heads turn...
Gunn: Then 'shronk!' Wes buries his ax in the head number one.
Wesley: And Gunn is running him through, pulling out intestines the size of your leg!
Gunn:  We turned him inside out!
Cordelia:  You weren't scared?
Wesley:  Oh, mother in heaven.
Gunn:  Pants wetting, praising the lord to save me kind of scared.  All right?

Ann:  A few years ago it would have been a big turn on. I thought vampires were the coolest.
Angel: What happened?
Ann: I met one.

Lindsey: Angel is an obstacle to everything that we do.  Give me one good reason why we can't just kill him!
Nathan: Because Angel - is a major player.
Lilah: In business?
Nathan:  In the apocalypse.
Lilah: Oh.  That.

Happy Anniversary

Wesley:  When they went out of business they just left these here?
Cordelia:  Yup.  Also the desk.  We'll share.
Wesley:  And when we go out of business we can just leave our stuff for the next guy.
Cordelia:  Hey, hey, negative energy boy, with all of our money pooled together we can stay here a long time.
Wesley:  Hmm.  20 minutes.
Cordelia:  At least.

Gunn:  I'm so glad I met you guys.   It's entertaining.  Really.

Host: Hey, big fella.  You're gotta be singing all the time in here, am I right?  Come on, with these acoustics?   “And the rockets red glare!” Do you hear that resonance?
Angel:  What I hear, and maybe – hopefully - I'm still dreaming, is the star-spangled-banner being belted out by a loud green demon.
Host:  We're all brothers under the skin, mi amigo.  Although the garden hue and the horns have kept me out of some key public performances. Just once I'd love to ring in a Lakers game with our national anthem.  Is that so much to ask?

Host:  Man, you just get darker and darker. And the weird thing is, your aura? Beige.

Angel:  Oh, I have an idea.   Can you just get to the point already?
Host:  Yes, I can, if you'd let me get a word in edgewise, Mr. Get-to-the-point-y-pants.

Angel:  Why'd you come to me?
Host:  Isn't it obvious?  You're a champion.  A unique force for good in a troubled world. Also, all the other champions I know are currently out of town or dead. Why? You don't want to work with me? Is this because I sent you on a couple of missions that turned out to be a little...
Angel:  Pointless and deadly?

Host:  That'd make more sense. So what we should do is to start with the other local Karaoke bars, see if we can get a lead on him. That is if you're not to busy getting lawyers killed and setting girls on fire.

Gunn:  Cordelia - stop trying.
Cordelia:  Really?
Wesley:  Join us. Sometimes you need to wallow. Just let the depression settle in silently.

Virginia:  Hey! Wow. This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited in that really dry, suicidal way.
Wesley:  Sorry, sweetheart.  You just caught us in a moment of... Well...
Cordelia: Reality.
Virginia:  Oh that. I avoid that.
Gunn:  How do you avoid reality?
Virginia:  Money. It cures everything but boredom and food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese.

Gunn: Yeah. And don't try to tell us there is no way to go but up, because the truth is there is always more down.
Virginia:  Oh! And that was very well said by the way. But I found a case for you. A client. A rich one.
Wesley:  Really?
Cordelia:  And this isn't the first thing you say when you come in the room?
Virginia:  Well, I got distracted by your waves of desperation. 

Angel:  Where did you learn how to drive?
Host:  Just now in your car.  Not bad for a beginner, huh?
Angel:  What? You nearly got us killed four times.
Host:  Someone had to drive. You weren't exactly qualified, huddled under a blanket in back, hiding from the sun.

Angel:  Student yearbook/faculty publications going back past five years. Lets see if we can't find your little madman bent on destroying the universe.
Host:  I like to think of him as our little madman.  That's just me, team player, you know?

Angel:  What did you say to it?
Host:  I said we come in peace.  I don't think he believed me.

Angel: I think you should shut up now.
Host: I'm the host. Have you met me? I never shut up. You pushed your friends away. You went from helping the helpless to hunting down the guilty. Blood vengeance is a luxury of the lesser beings. You're a champion, Angel. I mean you were, at least.

Angel: You want to know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can! Never going to be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law-school graduates working fulltime driving me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working? But no, it's “Angel, why are you so cranky?” “Angel, you should lighten up. You should smile. You should wear a nice plaid.”
Host: Oh. Not this season, honey.
Angel: Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption. They took it from her. Now I have to hunt her down and kill her.  I'm gonna do it.  I'm gonna kill her, and then I'm gonna burn that law firm to the ground.  My crew - they couldn't handle that.   That's good.  It means that they're still human.  It means they’re better off fired. 

Host:  It's not always gonna be this way.  The song changes.  Unless, of course, we don't get there on time, in which case - you'll be frozen in this crappy mood forever.  I shudder to think.

Angel:  Well, you know - love it's a fire.
Gene:  You been there.
Angel:  It burns you. Alive. Down to the bone.  And then it turns the bone to ash...
Host:  I-I think what my chipper friend is trying to say here, Gene, is the wheel keeps turning.  You can't stop it.  Sometimes things get worse, sometimes they get better.

Angel:  Well, the guy is a disaster at love, and nearly destroyed the world.  I can relate.

Man:  Which one of you is Angel?
Wesley:  It's just a name.

The Thin Dead Line

Cordelia: Maybe we could by one of those star maps, find out where Steven Segal lives. You're telling me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance?

Angel: Hey, Merl.
Merl: Jesus, man! I mean, can't you, you know, knock?
Angel: You don't make that funny expression when I knock, or if you do I don't see it.

Gunn: Annie! What's up, girl? I haven't seen you in a minute. Come here! So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
Anne:  Well, I just thought I'd see how the other half lives and strangely enough, it's not that different.
Cordelia:  We like to think of it as early American dilapidation.

Anne:  But Angel, that... this isn't the guy in the long, black trench coat, is it?
Gunn:  You know him?
Anne:  Yeah.  He tried to help me out a few weeks ago.
Cordelia:  He did?
Wesley:  Really?
Anne:  But it turned out it was just a scam to screw this law firm.
Cordelia:  Well, he hasn't changed a bit.

Kate:  I guess you never caught up with your vampire friends in time.
Angel:  I did track them down later and set them on fire.

Gunn:  Yeah, that's if we ever find any. I never had to look so hard to find trouble before.

Gunn:  Damn. Someone having an apocalypse and forget to invite us?

Wesley:  Where are we going?
Gunn:  To the hospital.
Wesley:  That sounds sensible to me.

Cordelia: This is no time for circuits busy! So, don't tell me circuits are busy. If the circuits are busy - get some new circuits now!

Wesley: Hey.
Gunn: How're you doing?
Wesley: Oh, I feel I should be in a great deal of pain.
Gunn: Getting gut-shot will do that to you.
Wesley: And yet...Is this morphine? Well, it's bloody lovely!

Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: I heard about Wesley.
Cordelia: Well, that's great. Too bad it takes a gunshot wound to make you give a crap. Wesley doesn't need you right now. We don't need you. You walked away.  Do us a favor and just stay away.

Reprise

Wesley: Things'll pick up. They're bound to.
Cordelia: Yeah. It's LA. The evil's probably just tied up in traffic or something.

Lindsey: I'm gonna take a shower.
Darla: You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why. You're never dirty.
Lindsey: I'm always dirty.

Host: Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed. Kinda the down side of being here. That and the so-called 'musicals' of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Angel: Yeah. You took all the books.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron….Hey! No! You can't take this, I-I-I'm in the middle of it. Here, take this one.
Angel: Don't make me move you.
Wesley: Give him the book, Cordelia…Just give him the damn thing! Let him get the hell out.
Cordelia: Here. I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire. Look it up.

Cordelia: What a jerk.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: I mean if it was anybody else I would just say 'get laid already!'
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: But - no, not him. One decent boff and he switches to evil psycho vamp. Which, in a way, would be better for everyone. Better for him because he'd get some, and better for us because then we could stake him afterwards.

Holland: Hm-mm, now tell me just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean.
Angel: It'll be - the end.
Holland: Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense.
Angel: In the larger sense I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now I don't think that's true. Be honest. You got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left. 

Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing. I just wanna feel something besides the cold.

Epiphany

Darla: But we...
Angel: Yes...
Darla: ...and you...
Angel: I know...
Darla: Then I...
Angel: Three times...
Darla: You're not evil?

Darla: Well, I don't accept this. You cannot tell me that wasn't perfect. Not only have I been around for four hundred years, I used to do this professionally and that was perfect!

Host: Between you and me -- if it'd taken you much longer to hit your bottom, I was gonna kick it.

Host: What's not to understand? You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was lyin' next to him, and went -- "Gueeeyah!" You're not. Believe me.

Host: I think I speak for everyone when I say -- if all you're going to do is switch back to brood mode, we'd rather have you evil. Because then, at least -- leather pants.

Wesley: Angel --
Angel: Invite me in.
Wesley: What?
Angel: I've never been here before, Wesley! You have to invite me in!
Wesley: That's true, you haven't...Well. Perhaps if you'd shown more interest --
Angel: Wesley!
Wesley: Yes! No! Absolutely! I invite you in! In I invite you!

Angel: I know how to get to your offices, Wesley.
Wesley: Oh, of course. You did pop by. Stole a book.

Wesley: In any event. I diagnosed the girl's condition as infection by a Skilosh.
Angel: With your books?
Wesley: Yessss...
Angel: You were always so good with those books. Made it look easy. It's not.

Wesley: You don't know her at all. For months now you haven't cared to. Otherwise you might have realized that our Cordelia has become a very solitary girl. She is not the vain and carefree creature she once was. Well... certainly not carefree.

Wesley: You'd have known that if you hadn't had your head firmly up your... place that isn't on top of your neck.

Angel: We have to find her.
Wesley: We agree. She could be in grave danger.
Angel: And even if she's not.

Angel: You, uh... you guys have bonded, I see.
Gunn: Happens when you fight shoulder-to-shoulder.

Gunn: So what's he doin' here?
Angel: I went to the Host at Caritas. He said my friends were in danger.
Gunn: So what's he doin' here?
Wesley: He had an "epiphany."

Gunn: You check her pad?
Angel: I stopped there earlier.
Gunn: You enjoying your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad.
Angel: Oh. Right. That's a good idea.

Angel: Here. Use this. You can make a rubbing of the impressions she left, see what the last thing was that she wrote --
Gunn: Or we could just read the carbon --
Angel: Or you could do that.

Angel: Guys, guys -- does it make sense that she would go there in the middle of the night without calling either one of you?
Both: They owed us money --
Angel: Let's go --

Gunn: So -- you had an "epiphany," didja?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: So, what, you just wake up and -- bang?
Angel: Sort of the other way around.

Gunn: No? You don't think so. Hmmm. Well I hope you don't go havin' another one before we get to Cordelia. I mean -- something happens to her, something bad? I might just have me an epiphany.
Angel: Hi.
Cordelia: Hi.
Angel: You okay?
Cordelia: No.
Angel: You're not?
Cordelia: No. You really hurt my feelings.

Kate: Yikes. Sounds like you had an epiphany.
Angel: I keep saying that. No one listens.

Kate: I'm okay. Anyway, I'm not... headed for another pillathon. I'm... grateful. I never thought you'd come for me. But I got cut a huge break, and I believe... I don't know what I believe, but I... have faith. I think maybe we're not alone in this.
Angel: Why?
Kate: Because I never invited you in.

Angel: It's okay, Wesley. I don't want you to come back to work for me.
Wesley: Oh. I see.
Angel: I want to work for you.

Cordelia: The usual Big Scary. Rising up in a housing project in Topanga. And... why is it I'm not on the floor this time?
Angel: I've got you.

Disharmony

Wesley: ...Engage your co-workers from time to time. Be sensitive to their feelings, their opinions. Especially before you take some action one might construe as, oh, let's just call it: insane? Goes a long way to show you respect and appreciate them. This is torture for you, isn't it?
Angel: Yes.
Wesley: Good. I think that's all for now

Wesley: And I'd love a cup of coffee.
Angel: Very funny.
Cordelia: Two sugars in mine.
Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.

Angel: Uh--
Cordelia: Don't.
Angel: Don't--?
Cordelia: You're gonna start trying to make small talk. Get all stammery. Don't. You might strain something.

Cordelia: Okay, you wanna know how I am? Tired, mostly. With "sweaty" running a close second. But, truthfully, I'm also jazzed. Can't wait to get our business up and sputtering again. Ready to help those helpless... But, just so we understand each  other...You and I? We're not friends.

Cordelia: Whoa. Big bird.
Gunn: Bigbird?
Cordelia: Not the Muppet, dumbass...

Gunn: Cordelia said blue robes, didn't she?
Wesley: It's dark. Perhaps she was mistaken.
Angel: Hey, I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt before just condemning her like that, don't you?

Angel: I just thought... Well, she looked so tired. And that vision really took a lot out of her. And... You think maybe I should send her something? Flowers, maybe?
Wesley: Flowers?
Angel: Yeah. You know, to say "thanks." And "sorry about the migraines." You know... "I appreciate you."
Wesley: Yes, by all means. And while you're at it, pick me up one of those "SORRY YOU WERE SHOT IN THE GUT" bouquets!

Wesley: You can't buy back her trust, Angel. Or her affections.
Angel: She said... She said we're not friends, Wesley.

Willow: We are all clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?
Cordelia: Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she-- Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she'd become a great big lesbo...Oh, really?... Hey, that's... great. Good for you. That's, yeah... It's good.
Willow: Thanks for the affirmation, Cordelia.

Angel: Wes. You can't. Cordelia feels her friend doesn't post a threat. I think we should respect her wishes…I'm just saying...

Cordelia: Hey. I told you. Harmony's my friend. I trust her completely and with every fiber of my being. Harmony, you can stay here.
Harmony: I don't wanna stay here alone with a ghost.

Harmony: I mean, how do you stand everything? Being what you are. How can you deprive yourself of the taste... the sensation of rich, warm, human blood flowing into your mouth... Bathing your tongue... caressing your throat, with its sweet, sticky--
Gunn: I'm back!
Angel: Me too!

Wesley: It's all right to speak freely in front of her. She's a vampire.
Gunn: Don't we kill them anymore?

Cordelia: What do you think?
Host: I think your friend should reconsider the name "Harmony."

Gunn: Just so we're on the same page, when we find this vampire cult, we are gonna kill 'em, right?

Wesley: Angel...
Angel: It's your place to tell her.
Wesley: She's not listening to me.
Angel: Welcome to my world.

Angel: She doesn't have a soul.
Cordelia: Oh. That's it, isn't it? You're better than her because you have a soul.
Angel: Well... yeah.

Cordelia: And you didn't just betray me, Angel. You didn't just hurt me... You gave away my clothes!
Angel: To the needy...
Cordelia: I am the needy. Do you know how scared I was you were on your way to becoming Angelus again? Imagine what could've happened it you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla.
Angel: You know I would never do that.

Cordelia: Oh, my god! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste! You have, like, a gay man's taste! And that's saying something. I love them so much!

Dead End

Nathan: I'll consider both options.   And the current status of Angel?
Lindsey:  Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad.  He's a barrel of dead monkeys...

Wesley:  Go ahead.  Probably best not to crowd her.
Angel:  Me?  You're the one in charge now.
Wesley:  You're right. That's why I'm assigning this one to you.

Cordelia:  You don't eat food.
Angel:  Oh, I can.  It doesn't keep me alive, but, you know, sometimes I get a hankering.

Cordelia:  Soup and salad, too?   What is going on here?
Angel:  I forgot what you liked.
Cordelia:  Why didn't you ask me?
Angel:  Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and-and I didn't wanna do that...
Cordelia:  So you did this instead.
Angel:  Yup.
Cordelia:  I love you.

Cordelia:  And you ought to do that more often.
Angel: Buy you food?
Cordelia:  Smile.

Angel:  There is only we can do now.
Cordelia:  Oh, god.  Oh, no.
Wesley: The Karaoke bar.
Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?
Cordelia:  Isn't there some other way?
Wesley:  There has to be.  Think, damn it!
Angel:  Hey!

Cordelia:  You should pick something short.
Angel:  I was thinking about Stairway to Heaven.
Wesley:  Don't even joke about that.

Angel:  What is that?  Rock?   Country? Ballad?  Pick a style, pal.
Wesley:  Shh.
Host:  Angel cakes.  Don't make me ask you to leave.

Lindsey:  Look.  I need help.
Angel:  I'll say.  You might want to start with his singing.

Cordelia:  Hi.  You probably don't remember me. Cordelia.  I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing.
Gunn:  That was kind of tight.
Wesley:  Terrific, really.
Angel:  Is everyone drunk?

Host:  Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way.
Gunn:  They supposed to work together on this?
Lindsey:  Work with him? Work with him?
Host:  Am I the only one who saw 'Forty-eight Hours?'

Angel:  You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods or my singing.
Cordelia:  You're half right.

Angel:  Alright.  I hired a private detective.  He's got a friend on the force.
Wesley:  We're supposed to be the private detectives.
Gunn:  We are supposed to have a friend on the force.
Angel:  We did, but she got fired.  Get over it.

Lindsey:  What are you doing here?!
Angel:  Gee, I don't know, saving your life?

Lindsey:  You got no business..!   What-why aren't you trying to kill me?!
Angel:  Excuse me.  I'm on a case here, Lindsey.  Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?

Lindsey:  That's my lead!  You're choking my lead!
Angel:  'He's my lead! He's my lead!' What, are we on the schoolyard here?   Look, if you wanna get to the bottom of this, you got to learn how to play with others.

Angel:  The guy who's hand you're wearing.  You might want to listen up.
Lindsey:  You don't tell me what to do.
Angel to the guy:  He's so immature.

Angel:  Kill you? Why would I kill you when I could live off you for a month?
Angel:  Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat?
Lindsey:  You are really gross, you know that?

Angel:  You just keep on moping.   You're good at that.

Lindsey: I've got these evil hand issues.

Angel:  Good.  I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here.

Belonging

Cordelia: I feel a little guilty.
Angel: Don't. Nineteen dollars for a sashimi couscous appetizer is money well spent. This is your night. How is it anyway, pretty good? It oughta be pretty good...
Cordelia: It's delicious, but that's not what I feel guilty about.
Angel: Oh. I'm not cheap, I'm just old: I remember when a few bob got you a meal, a bottle and a tavern wench. You were saying?

Cordelia: Move! I think the sashimi's coming up.
Angel: They'll take that off the bill, right?

Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: Getting a tan... not bursting into flames.

Angel: You want me to rip that guy's head off for you? 'Cause I could, you know. Really. I mean, actually rip his head right off his body. I can do that.

Angel: Mr. "Hey, I'm L.A. Director Shooting a Commercial, So I Must Be The Center Of The Universe" Guy. Like anyone who isn't making it in show business is just a step or ten down the food chain. I mean, hey, all we do is save the world, right? And the way he talks to Cordy, it's like she's a commodity, like she's his slave or something. And you know what the worst part is? She just took it. When was the last time Cordy took crap from any of us?
Gunn: Never and the day after never.
Angel: Exactly, plus, he's got her wearing this ridiculously flimsy swimsuit that covers... like nothing.

Angel: Not the Haklar. The Power Walkers. I mean, walking I get. But power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time? Weird.

Host: Landok? Is that you?
Angel: You know him?
Host: Just because I know his name doesn't mean you can't knock him unconscious. Please, continue.

Host: I prefer just "Lorne".
Angel: Lorne? As in... just... Lorne?
Host: Yes, Lorne. If you must. Though I generally don't go by that, because well-- Green.
Cordelia: Hunh?
Angel: Right. Lorne Greene. Come on. "Bonanza?" 15 years on the air not meaning anything here? Okay, now I feel old.

Landok: Then killing the Drokken will be most difficult. It is impervious to most wounds.
Angel: What if we chopped its head off?
Wesley: Or ran it through with a sword?
Angel: Or electrocuted him with, like a 50,000 volt charge?
Cordelia: Yeah, we've had a lot of luck with those things in the past.

Landok: The Drokken goes this way. The aura is strong. It's not far.
Host: What do you want? A medal?

Host: For the last time... not a coward. I just saw both sides of the joust. How are you supposed to joust someone when you partially agree with their point of view?

Angel: Where did the portal appear before?
Host: Right there. Talk about upstaging me.

Over the Rainbow

Cordelia: Angel?…Wesley!…Mr. Green Mojo Guy's cousin?

Host: God, I wish I could get drunk.

Angel: I don't wanna research, all right? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.

Wesley: We might never be able to get back!
Angel: It's Cordy.

Angel: What, is it out of batteries. Is the thing out of batteries?
Host: I don't know. I don't know how it works!
Angel: Dammit! I just got her back.

Wesley: It's cold.
Angel: What? Put on a sweater.
Wesley: No, no, the hot spot is cold.

Wesley: The hot spot is cold. That's why you couldn't open the second portal.
Angel: Huh. I was right. It was the batteries.

Host: Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Exactly which "never" did you not understand?

Aggie: Sometimes the journey is taken simply because it must be taken. That vague enough for ya?
Host: Is that what I sound like? Eeesh. No wonder people complain.

Wesley: I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind, something to fuse us together when we enter the portal.
Angel: Good. Let's do that.
Wesley: However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.

Angel: What, we handcuff ourselves together? Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Wesley: Well, I--wouldn't know, but anyway, I don't think handcuffs will work.

Angel: Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?

Angel: I wanna go. Bad. Just waitin' for Wes to have that "eureka" moment.
Wesley: EUREKA!
Angel: Oh, thank God.
Host: You mean he actually says "eureka"?

Angel: Here? Isn't this a movie studio?
Host: Makes a certain kinda sense, no?

Angel: The sun! Daylight! Quick, somebody hand me a blanket -- hand me a blanket or I'll catch on fire! Why am I not on fire?

Angel: And I'm not on fire.
Wesley: And we're all together, too. We didn't even merge into a freakish four-man Siamese twin!
Gunn: That was a risk? How come nobody told me that was a risk?

Angel: Can everybody just notice how much fire I'm not on?

Angel: Let's start gathering branches, brush, anything that'll cover the car. Hey, look, there's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em.

Angel: No problem here. Walkin' in the sun. Do it all the time.
Wesley: Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire.

Host: Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.
Gunn: Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?

Wesley: I used to be horrified by those stories about the Tower of London.
Angel: Wasn't that bad.

Host: Oh, am I glad to see you. And so much less dead than I expected.
Angel: What'd they do to you?
Host: Well, first there was the welcome home parade thrown in my honor--tickertape, streamers -- honestly, I was so touched, I almost wept. Locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked a bunch of questions--your standard film noir.

Through the Looking Glass

Cordelia: Well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but I'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne.

Host: See there? She had a vision. That explains it. Well, see, there's this prophecy...
Angel: A prophecy. Great. Because those always go well...

Cordelia: In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess-dimension, aren'tcha?

Angel: Okay. This is because of going through the portal, right?
Cordelia: Huh? No. It always looks like that.

Angel: No, I mean why didn't anyone tell me?
Cordelia: What? It looks good.
Angel: You're not just saying that?

Host: Ho, ho, ho! Back up! You want me to talk to my family? On purpose?
Wesley: It's that, or face the possibility of never getting back to our dimension.
Host: Come on, gorgeous. You can stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye. Oh, and while we're here, it's just "Lorne," okay? To the people of Pylea, a "host" is just one more thing to lay your eggs in.
Angel: Yeah, yeah, fine. Can we get my coat?

Angel: ... and then, WHACK! I chopped off the evil lawyer beast's hand and he screamed and screamed, and then I left.
Host: Well! You're a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren'tcha?

Cordelia: If you ever figure out how to get us out of here, I want you to find me a dimension where some demon doesn't want to impregnate me with its spawn! I mean, is that just too much to ask?

Cordelia: What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of Com-Shuk-me vibe? You'd tell me, right?

Angel: Oh, Cordelia! No, she's fine. They made her a princess.
Fred: They -- Really? Oh. When I got here they, they... didn't do that. Made me more of a, of a slave, really. Well that's... nice for her.

Host: Not as good as you, obviously... Should I call them back? You could borrow the cuffs.

There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Cordelia: No, no, I like the filthy head-- that is, I need to defile it more. I will keep it to spit upon and when I tire of that I will make it into a planter -- a traitor planter for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish.

Host: Oh I'm sure it must be, and after all I only LOST MY HEAD! Or, technically, my body.

Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Wesley: Oh.

Fred:  I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark...
Angel: Bark enchilada? How's that going?
Fred: There's work to be done.

Fred: They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula.
Angel: Well obviously...

Rebel: Five cheers for the other-worlders.
Wesley: Oooo, in this world you get five.

Cordelia: Boy that looks a lot like your suit.
Host: It is my suit, you think they have French Viscose in this hell hole? Why am I still alive? Once they chop you up, it's over. I'm looking at pieces of myself, it's over... Wait a minute, since when do I have five toes?

Cordelia: Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?
Host: Yes.

Wesley: Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?
Gunn: I have no idea.

Angel: I don't actually know how to get there.
Fred: Oh, I can show you.

Gunn: He's Angel, he does that --how'd she do that?
Angel: She's Fred, she does that, too.

Angel: He was…
Gunn: Yeah…
Wesley: Mmm…
Host: That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?

Angel: When I fired you guys, the reason I... the darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing that comes out here is ten times worse.

Angel: I challenge the Groosalugg to mortal combat. Come out and face me, you spineless coward!
Fred: Ooo, why'd you add that coward thing, that's just gonna piss him off.

Angel: All right, what part of my being all noble here didn't get through?

Cordelia: Stop! Stop the fight! Don't hurt him, I love him, I LOVE HIM!
Angel: You love me?
Cordelia: Not you, dumbass, HIM! I love him!
Angel: Oh.

Angel: But you love me too, right?
Cordelia: Are you all right? Did he hurt you?
Angel: As a friend and co-worker...
Cordelia: What did he do to you? Let's get some bandages over here, people!
Angel: Maybe love is too strong a term.

Host: Good as new -- although I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds.

Angel: Isn't there something you want to say to your mother?
Host: "May you burn in Tarkna?"
Angel: Come on, she's not so bad, she didn't store your body on the maggot heap like you thought she would, did she?
Host: Bye Mom, thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap.

Angel: Every family's got its problems.
Mother: Numfar, do the dance of shame!
Angel: Yours more than most.

Host: I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us.
Angel: That's kinda beautiful.
Host: Ain't it?

Wesley: Should people be kneeling in a free society?
Cordelia: These things take time.

Angel: Willow?
Cordelia: Hi. What's...
Angel: It's Buffy...

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Go to Angel, season one
Go to Angel, season three
Go to Angel, season four

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