Deep
Down
Fred:
Mr. Big-hit-in-Vegas is too busy danke-schon-ing the tourists to care about us.
Lilah:
Hmm. That didn't suck. Well maybe just a little bit.
Wesley: Perhaps that is something we can expand
on next time.
Lilah: What makes you think there will be a
next time?
Wesley: Because you can't resist me.
Wesley:
Wouldn't think kidnapping his son would have such a negative effect on our friendship.
Lilah: You thought you were doing the right
thing. I hear that can be confusing.
Justine:
Well, I guess anything is better than sitting around in my cage all day with nothing to do
but to fill my bucket.
Wesley: Perhaps you should have considered that
before slitting my throat.
Wesley:
We all get what we deserve. You and Holtz deserved each other. You two have so much in
common. Pain, loss, deep-seated lack of anything approaching humor.
Gunn:
Three months ago a friend of ours went missing down there.
Marissa: Tall, good-looking, weird hair?
Gunn:
Are you sure about that? Offspring of two vampires. Last time I checked that's not
supposed to happen. And jumping off a six-story without busting your coconut kind of sways
me to the side of not just a boy. I mean, come on, Fred. His nickname back in Quortoth was
the destroyer. And unless you put Conan in front of that, I'm guessing it's not a good
sign.
Fred:
No. And who's fluffy? Are you fluffy?
Gunn: He called me fluffy?
Fred: He said make sure... Wait. You don't
think he was referring to anything of mine that's fluffy, do you? Because that would just
be inappropriate.
Gunn:
Like deserting us? No leads, no clients, pretty soon no roof over my smooth delicate head.
Fred: I could make you a paper hat.
Connor:
Is this going to be the yelling thing again?
Fred: No. No yelling.
Connor: He looks like he's gonna yell.
Gunn: I do not.
Connor: He always looks like he's gonna yell.
Gunn: I'm not gonna yell!
Lorne:
The only one turning to ashes is that patricidal pup of yours. Hell, I'd take him out
myself if I wasn't just a crappy hallucination.
Justine:
Oh, screw you! I'm not feeding that thing!
Wesley: Your blood's too thin.
Fred:
I can't imagine what you've been through, Connor, being taken away by Holtz, raised in
that place. It must have been horrible. I know you're still hurting but I promise, it's
not nearly as much as you're gonna hurt for what you did to your father.
Gunn:
That's right, Sparky, Daddy's coming home. And I'm guessing there's going to be a
spanking.
Wesley:
He'll need more blood. I'm fresh out.
Angel:
So how was your summer? Mine was fun. Saw some fish. Went mad with hunger. Hallucinated a
whole bunch.
Angel:
What I deserve is open to debate. But understand there's a difference between wishing
vengeance on someone and taking it. So now, the question becomes – what do you
deserve?
Angel:
What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. But then I got stuck in a hell dimension by
my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so a few months under the ocean actually gave
me perspective.
Angel:
I love you Connor. Now get out of my house.
Cordelia:
God, I am so bored.
Fred: Sure. Banished to the ocean depths by your
ungrateful snot of a son.
Gunn: Not
that she's bitter.
Angel: I appreciate you guys looking out for Connor all
summer. It's just – he's confused. He needs time, that's all.
Fred: Right,
time and some corporal punishment with a large heavy mallet. Not that I'm bitter.
Angel: I never got the chance to thank you. Finding me,
bringing me up. Must have been hard for you. No map, all that water.
Angel: What should I do then? Send her a gift?
Sacrifice? Unholy fruit basket?
Angel: Keep it up you're gonna make me seasick.
Dinza: I
doubt it. I think it would have happened before now.
Dinza: I know you were lost. I know all the lost things.
Angel: Really?
City of Atlantis? Holy Grail? Jimmy Hoffa.
Elliot: I thought I said discreet.
Gwen: What?
Do you see nipple?
Elliot: Gwen, that's a 12000 dollar watch.
Gwen: *zap*
And now it's surrealism.
Gunn: Yeah, but if it's an auction house can't we just,
you know, e-bay it?
Fred: I'm still working on a plan, but so far it
involves being sent to prison and becoming somebody's bitch.
Angel: No one's going to jail, Fred. I told you, a heist
like this, I've done it a million times. Okay. Maybe twice, but I'm good at it. I swear!
Gunn: Uh,
you're *not* counting the time we stole the crazy making death shroud that nearly killed
us, right?
Angel: I'm really strong, if that helps.
Gunn: That's my girl, large and in charge. Okay,
teensy-weensy and in charge.
Wesley: Angel is nessecary.
Lilah: For
what?
Wesley: For
fighting people like you.
Gunn: Damn. This is so much harder than it looks on
Batman.
Angel: Who are you?
Gwen: Who
are you?
Angel: I
asked you first.
Gwen: What
are you, seven?
Angel: I think you'll run this one.
Gwen: Why?
What's in it for me?
Angel: Just
this once, I'll ignore the fact that you were within 50 yards of my son. [whispers] Just
this once…
Angel: What I find interesting? The fact that I can
smell you and Wesley all over each other.
Fred: Being dead? Gone. See anything interesting? White
light? Shirley McLain?
Gwen: You're alive.
Angel: You
felt that? My heart...
Gwen: It
was beating. It doesn't, does it?
Elliot: No. I thought he was yours - what with the -
tonguing.
Gwen: In
his dreams.
Angel: Not
even close.
Angel: He's gonna seal us in. Turn on the gas.
Gwen: What
are you, Lex Luthor?
Elliot: What
do you think, I'm gonna stand here and duke it out with Electro Girl?
Angel: You were gonna fry him.
Gwen: Was
not.
Angel: Don't
fib.
Gwen: Fine.
Did you at least break his nose?
Gunn: You think higher beings get to take vacations?
Angel: The
way I saw it - it felt sort of permanent.
Gunn: Too
bad. We could've all gone to Vegas.
Cordelia: What are you? Deficient? Get me out of here!
Angel:
I know you're there - watching me.
Cordelia: Oh my god! Angel, you can hear me? I
so love you! You don't know what it's been like!
Fred: We weren't spying.
Cordelia: Ah, for crap's sake.
Angel:
I just thought we could all use a little getaway to decompress. I know I haven't had a
vacation in a while - not counting my recent ocean cruise.
Fred:
They must think it's all makeup - like the blue man group. You don't think the blue man
group...
Angel: Only two of them.
Lorne:
Hey! Love ya.
Fred: We love you t... Wait. That was him being
superficial, wasn't it?
Gunn:
Hey, if it'll make my honey feel better, put her mind at ease, my fun can wait.
Fred: It's because you're out of chips isn't
it?
Gunn: Yeah.
Angel:
This place was so much friendlier when the mob ran it.
Gunn:
Man. Heads of state don't get this much security. Something's starting to feel a lot 'not
right' about his.
Fred: That's what I've been saying - only with
better grammar.
Lorne:
Fluffy! Fluffy, the dog? The dog you don't have? The universally recognized code for 'I'm
being held prisoner. Send help.'
Fred: Oh. Okay. I'm hip now.
Gunn:
Right. And I'm your friend.
Angel: I know. I'm not
stupid.
Spencer:
He's won a little over three hundred thousand dollars - and a car.
Lorne: Pretty good haul for somebody with no
destiny, huh?
Gunn:
Angel?
Angel: You're my friend. I know. I'm not
stupid.
Angel:
Well, yeah, sure, but I mean let's be smart. I want her to remember who I am before I
freak her out with the whole undead, drinks blood part of my resume.
Cordelia:
Cordelia. Hi. I'm Cordy. I'm Cordelia Chase. I'm - Just breathe. Just breathe. Sunnydale.
OK, popular. No real surprise there. "Cordelia, homeroom was fun. Too bad it burnt to
the ground." What? "Hey, how 'bout that giant snake." “Dear Cordelia,
thanks for the flaming arrows." Flaming arrows?
Cordelia:
Wow. How did I - ? I am a spy. I get it now. You're all spies. Probably all Russian. And
you've brainwashed me, and want me to believe we're friends so I'll spill the beans
about some nano-techno-thingy that you want.
Gunn: So... I look Russian to you?
Cordelia: Black Russian.
Angel: That's a drink.
Cordelia: Says the head spy.
Cordelia:
I mean, what the hell is going on here, Angie?
Angel: Angel.
Cordelia: Whatever.
Lorne:
Hey, if this was about that missing lingerie, that was for a friend.
Cordelia:
It all makes perfect sense now. I was a cheerleader, a princess and a warrior. And I have
visions and super powers and I'm the target of an evil law firm because I've spent the
last three months living on a higher plane, fighting for the forces of good, who wage a
battle against demons and evilies and squishy bug babies, 'cause all that stuff's real and
that's the world I live in. And I think I know why I don't remember any of this 'cause,
hey - who'd want to!
Cordelia:
Says the vampire with a soul and his wacky gang of sidekicks.
Gunn: Um, not a sidekick.
Cordelia:
You keep telling me I was a higher being. Don't make me turn you into a rat.
Gunn: Can she do that?
Cordelia:
I don't want a sandwich. I don't want cookies. I wanna talk to Angel, sans sidekicks.
Gunn: I am not a sidekick.
Lorne:
Do the words "slouching towards Bethlehem" ring a bell? Or how about despair,
torment, terror? And I'm not referring to little missy's choice of song, either, although
that was horrifying in its own right. What I saw was jumbled. It was pieces, flashes. It
was enough to make my skin crawl away and scamper under the bed. Evil's coming, Angel, and
it's planning on staying.
Cordelia:
How big is this dump? Angel? Mr. Bumpy-face? Hello?
Connor:
You're not safe here.
Cordelia: Ya think?
Gunn:
And the gal does have a history of whooping ass. I mean, you saw the hurting she put on
those Wolfram and Hart dudes. And could she really turn me into a rat?
Fred:
Hello, back to the something. Is that why you ran out while Cordelia was singing?
Lorne: Well, A: I wasn't running, I was
fleeing, and B: Yes.
Gunn: Well, how horrible is this thing?
Lorne: Well, I haven't read the Book of
Revelations lately, but if I was searching for adjectives, I'd probably start there.
Cordelia:
You're him. You're Angel's son.
Connor: It's not like I got to choose.
Wesley:
A bit careless, misplacing her after all the effort to find her.
Fred:
If it makes you feel better, I would have chosen you.
Angel:
Thanks. But no, it doesn't.
Lorne:
Smashing. Listen. I know I've been a wee bit jumpy the last couple of days, but - did I
hear a scream?
Angel: Oh, it's just Fred. I think it's a Texas
thing.
Lorne:
Sorry. I jumped ahead. That 'no' was the one that comes after you asking me to read Cordy
again.
Angel: I wasn't - going to ask you that
immediately. I was gonna build up to it subtly.
Angel:
Wait! You should take her fuzzy slippers. Her
feet get cold.
Connor: I know. She always stealing the covers.
Gunn:
The girl kept me up all night. She is un-stoppable.
Angel: More than I need to know.
Fred: Did Charles tell you?
Angel: He-he didn't describe it.
Wesley: Well, look, a bribe. How
thoughtful.
Connor: I can train you.
Cordelia: What should I wear?
Fred:
I'm between Ed Witten and Brian Greene? Think Nomar Garciaparra and Sammy Sosa.
Angel: Fred's skipped the minors and went
straight to the show.
Gunn:
Listen, man, I'm gonna need simultaneous translating on this thing. You know, like the
president with the Russians, but just give me the highlights.
Angel: No problem. Of course, I have no idea
what she's talking about.
Gunn: Will you tell Fred that? If she thinks
we're both stupid, I won't stand out as much.
Lilah: You know Angle, coming from
you, idle threats are so… well, idle.
Lilah:
Yeah, yeah. Hulk smash.
Gunn:
Think Daredevil 181. I'm Bullseye, you're Electra. One wins one dies. Get what I'm saying?
Teen: Yeah. But we're kind of crushing the Dark
Horses.
Gunn:
Like the story about the girl, the cat and the peanut butter.
Angel: That one's true. Long story.
Teen:
Yeah, like, you're Angel, right? There are whole forums on you in chat rooms, man! Who
knew you actually, like, existed?!
Gunn:
We're full up on interns. But the decoder ring's in the mail.
Angel:
They talk about me in the chatty rooms?
Fred:
No. To me. He's the son of a bitch that sent me to Pylea.
Gunn: He's gonna pay.
Fred: No, he's gonna die.
Fred:
Acting like I'm all addlebrained talking about other dimensions. Pylea, never heard of it.
Right! How about a flail whipping? Would that take a nice long time?
Angel: Hours if you do it right. Not that you
should do it at all. - Ever.
Fred: Charles doesn't have it in
him.It's part of what I love about him.
Fred:
You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch.
Gunn: If you kill him, I'm gonna
lose you.
Angel:
Sucked into his own portal. Wish I could have seen his face.
Angel:
It'll be okay. Run-in with a Voynok demon. Turns out they have nine lives.
Cordelia: Like a cat?
Angel: Only less stand off-ish
Cordelia:
Were we in love?
Angel: I'm not sure.
Cordelia:
Were we?
Angel: What?
Cordelia: In love?
Angel: With each other?
Cordelia: Mister, if you start giving me the run-around—
Angel: I'm not. I'm not.
Cordelia: Then tell me the truth!
Angel: I don't know.
Lorne:
No pain, no side-effects. I'm telling you, swingers, there's no way this can fail. [Cut]
So, I'm an idiot, what are you – perfect?
Angel: I was never - in the workplace, I - Well,
there was that one time with the - the ballet and the stripping and the roundness, but
that was a spell. And-and we were meeting in Malibu on the bluffs at night. That's a
pretty romantic restraining order!
Cordelia: I know my ABC's, my history, I know
who's President, and that I sorta wish I didn't.
Gunn: Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That's
always good.
Lorne: Check your sarcasm at the door, pouty
britches.
Wesley: Did I miss the spell? Did English go away?
Lorne: OK,
first of all, she didn't say, "May your words please the gods," so much as
"May you orally please the gods," which is a slight... inflection's very crucial
in our—oh, God bless her, it's always nice to hear the mother tongue—as long as
it's not from my mother.
Gunn: What happened to you, man?
Wesley: I had my throat cut and all my friends
abandoned me.
Cordelia: Hello, salty goodness.
Gunn: I'm the guy that's gonna be kicking a whole
mess of ass if somebody don't tell me what's going on.
Cordelia: What do they call you for short?
Wesley: There's no need to be snippety, Miss.
Cordelia: This is a clarion call for snippety,
Princess Charles.
Cordelia: You don't sound Irish?
Angel: For most certain, I sound exactly -
Something wrong with my voice.
Wesley: Perhaps the whole point of this experiment
is hair.
Gunn: I vote he's not in charge.
Angel: I knew it. It's the devil.
Fred: Why is the devil sleepy?
Cordelia: Hey. Hey, you two want to stop the
homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this.
Angel: It's about time the English got what's
comin' to 'em. I'm rootin' for the slave.
Lorne: Ugh. I know I'm still unconscious during
this part of the story, but... can you believe these mooks?
Cordelia: I kinda have filled out even more.
Fred: And - I apparently ain't gonna.
Cordelia: This is so unfair! I'm a craggy
20-something? What about prom?!
Fred: So, you think, if we kill this vampire, they
take off the spell whammy and we can go back to being ourselves?
Cordelia: And never see each other again?
Wesley: I believe we can all just go about our
business.
Cordelia: And never see each other again?
Cordelia: Great. I'll go with tall, dark, and
slightly less pathetic than you two here.
Fred: I'm ready. I'm OK. Be cooler if we could
score some weed, though.
Angel: How did - ? You stopped the tiny men from
singing.
Cordelia: You really are far from home, aren't
you?
Angel: Sorry for acting so... womanish.
Angel: I'm invisible.
Cordelia: No, you're not.
Angel: Oh. Excuse me.
Angel: I'm a vampire. They're gonna kill me.
Wesley: I'm not quite finished. I think it's only
fair that everybody have a turn. The cross obviously doesn't affect me or our friend, the
pugilist.
Gunn: Oh, your ass better pray I don't look
that word up.
Lorne: Hey, here's a funny sidebar. I'm tied to a
chair - again!
Angel: Well, I-I never touched her.
Cordelia: So, clearly, deviant.
Cordelia: What do you mean, it's hard? I mean,
she's the tasty one. Look at her. Half of her is neck.
Cordelia: Well, who wouldn't? Look, you're a wee
bit chess club for my usual beat, but you kill that freak and you're getting a big reward.
Connor: You mean it?
Cordelia: Hoo doggy!
Angel: I'm supposed to be evil, but they attack me
without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father.
Connor: Fathers. Don't they suck?
Angel: Is he a self-righteous bastard?
Connor: You'd be amazed.
Angel:
I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be attacked. I didn't ask to be a freak. Hell, I
didn't even ask to be born.
Angel:
Cordelia. Were we in love?
Cordelia: We were.
Angel:
What if I'm fighting a Glurgg, and I ask for a Khopesh to finish him off? What
would you throw me?
Lorne: Uh, a towel. Glurggs are 90% puss.
Angel: What else can you tell me?
Cordelia: Big, powerful, clawing its way up through the bowels of the
earth to slaughter us all. Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
Lorne: No, no. I don't think that much mucus is ever a good sign.
Lilah: You're not getting anything out of me this time either.
Angel: Didn't think I would. But Gavin, he was more accommodating. (gesturing
to a bound and gagged Gavin)
Lilah: (chuckles quietly) Couldn't you have at least tortured him
a little bit more?
Angel: I really wanted to, but he wouldn't stop talking long enough for
me to get into it.
Lilah: I have a cure for that.
Angel: Vindict on your own time. I'm kinda on the clock here.
Angel: The enemy of my enemy-
Lilah: Can kiss my ass too.
Lorne: Hey, call me kooky pants, but maybe we could save the three rounds
until after the Chuck Heston plague-a-thon cools off?
Gunn: OK, what's the plan?
Angel: You're holding it. We figure out what all this means, then do
something large and violent.
Wesley: I see you've given it considerable thought.
Gunn: OK. So what the hell is it?
Angel: The Eye of Fire.
Wesley: Ancient alchemical symbol for fire.
Angel: And destruction.
Gunn: You had me at fire.
Angel: If it's alive, we kill it. If it's not, we bury it.
Angel: You might want to hold the gloat, Chuckles. We're just getting
started.
Wesley: And you're all
right?
Lilah: Yeah, I'm fine. Slept at Wolfram & Hart. FYI, best place to be in
case of an apocalypse.
Wesley: There is a line, Lilah. Black and white. Good and evil.
Lilah: Funny thing about black and white: you mix it together and you get
gray. And it doesn't matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never
gonna get anything but gray. And I don't see your Texas gal pal wearing that
color. Come to think of it, she prefers black.
Lilah: Gavin, ask yourself this question. What are you more afraid of, a
giant murderous demon, or me?
Gavin: Be right back.
Lilah: Do you have any idea what this thing wants?
Connor:: Everybody dead.
Wesley: (re: hearing screams) What's that?
Lilah: Oh, it's the fat lady singing.
Angel: You know where it is. The Beast.
Wesley: Inside Wolfram & Hart. And so is...
Gunn: That answers a lot of questions. They're probably having a big sit
down, breaking bread.
Wesley: It's killing everything that moves in there.
Gunn: (glibly) I've heard worse news.
Angel: Somebody should stay here and mind the store
Lorne: (enthusiastically) Ooh, me, me me. Sergeant stay-at-home
volunteering for duty, sir.
Angel: Gunn, let's go.
Gunn: Angel, uh, assuming we can even get in the evil empire, same big
beastie's in there that spiked our asses six ways to Sunday. What's gonna be
different this time?
Angel: What's different is we're not going for the monster, we're going
for Connor.
Gunn: So, you've phoned ahead so the Big Bad understands that?
Angel: Look, I don't know the answers. Don't even know most of the
questions. But what I do know is that I have to go into Wolfram & Hart and find
my son. Now, as far as us versus the Big Bad is concerned, there's only one
smart way to play it. We see it, we run like hell.
Gunn: I don't get it. Wolfram & Hart is evil. The Big Bad is evil. Why go
all Terminator on your own team?
Angel: Maybe all it want is to eliminate the competition.
Fred: Doesn't give us much to look forward to, does it?
Connor: He looks dead.
Angel: He is dead. Technically undead. A zombie.
Connor: What's a zombie?
Angel: It's an undead thing.
Connor: Like you?
Angel: No. Zombies are slow-moving, dimwitted things that crave human
flesh.
Connor: Like you.
Angel: No. It's different. Trust me.
Gunn: So, fight seven floors of evil lawyer zombies or sweet talk a
little girl. You know where my heart's at.
Fred: Yeah, I've got to disagree. I vote for the White Room.
Gunn: So what's it say about the Big Bad Wolf if it can just stride right
in and suck the energy out of evil Red Riding Hood?
Wesley: I don't know. Other than it's going to take a force far smarter
and stronger than us to defeat it.
Lorne: (sarcastically) Oh, like there's a lot of that just lying
around.
Cordelia: I'm just glad that everyone's safe and together again.
Angel: Me too. Now take your new boyfriend and get the hell out of here.
Cordelia: (whispers) Oh! God!
Lorne: And you may not find
perfect happiness with Cordelia, but Angelface, you've got to remember. There's
other fish in the sea.
Cordelia: (in the doorway) It's me. I know I don't have to be
invited in, but it is polite.
Angel: (with contempt) Go away, Cordelia.
Cordelia: Well, you know that never works.
Gwen: Demon, OK? The whole nine: cloven feet and horns and teeth and...
(pauses as she sees Lorne) He wasn't wearing lam頴hough.
Lorne: The evil ones can't pull it off. It gets camp.
Gwen: (to a noisy Angel) Geez. Where were you when they taught
stealth in superpower school? (falling into Angel's arms) I did that on
purpose.
Angel: That's pretty pathetic.
Gwen: (coyly) If it's a lie or if it's the truth?
Angel: What are you doing here?
Manny: Standing in the remains of my fallen brethren trying not to have
an anxiety attack. Who are you two?
Angel: I'm Angel. That's Gwen. You got a name?
Manny: I am Manjet. Sacred guardian of the Shen, keeper of the Orb of
Ma'at, and devotee of light. Off hours I like Manny.
Manny: Look, it's probably just a few hours til this guy catches up with
me. I want to spend my last moments with my oldest, dearest friends down at the,
uh, Pink Pony Lounge. (leers at Gwen) I'll buy you a lap dance if I can
watch.
Angel: Forget that. We can take you someplace safe, Manny. We can protect
you.
Manny: (cynically) Right, Superhunk and Spandexia. This thing
takes out Mesektet, and you two are going to protect me?
Angel: I don't see anyone else lined up for the job.
Manny: (leaning into Angel) You think she'd give me a lap dance?
Cordelia: Why did the smelly, yucky man say that?
Wesley: As far as evil plans go, it doesn't suck.
Manny: Never trust the books or the bookies, kid. Real ju-ju takes place
on the Q-T.
Gwen: OK then, I'll take Denzel.
Gunn: Actually, it's Gunn. Not that I mind the freakishly accurate
comparison, but you will keep your hands to yourself.
Gwen: I'm just saying it never would have happened on my watch.
Cordelia: Gosh no, because you're Supertramp.
Wesley: There's only one way we're going to defeat the Beast. We need
Angelus.
Cordelia: We just gotta
find a way to bring back the sun.
Fred: Working on it. Failing miserably, but working on it.
Cordelia: (to Connor with contempt) Believe me, you've never met
Angelus.
Connor: You're the reason my life sucks.
Angel: Get over it.
Lorne: Uh, not to be a buttinsky, but could we get back to the pep talky
thing?
Fred: I'm not one to turn down a little pep, but I'd much prefer we had a
plan.
Angel: You have no idea what Angelus is, Wesley. All you know is what
you've read is books. You've never had the pleasure of his company. And you're
not going to.
Cordelia: I just came to say that I'm on your side. Angelus is the jumbo,
family-sized bad of bad ideas. He'd be a danger to all of us. You made the right
call. Wesley, the others, they don't get it.
Angel: But you do.
Cordelia: Well, if I didn't when Angelus was loose and killing in
Sunnydale, then reliving his past horrors in visual wide-screen sensurround
during my stay in floaty-ville pretty much makes me an expert.
Angel: Do you think Connor's right? That I'm being used by the Beast
without even knowing it?
Cordelia: No.
Angel: Are you just saying that?
Cordelia: (begrudgingly) Yes.
Cordelia: What is it about evil that jacks up the IQ points?
Lorne: Listen, Angelcakes, if it's all the same with you, I think I might
sit this one out upstairs. You know how dark magic releasing unspeakable evil
gives me the heebies.
Angel: Connor.
Connor: What?
Angel: Look, I know you like to think that I'm the enemy, but if this
works, I will be. I'm going to become the one thing you were raised to believe I
was. The thing I never wanted you to see.
Connor: Yeah. I can handle it.
Angel: Uh huh. Well, just keep in mind, that whatever Angelus says,
whatever he does, he's not your father. I am. No matter what happens or (pauses)
happened. I love you. (Connor turns to go) Look, one more thing. Since
I'm going to be out of commission for a while, I want you to, you know, take
care of everybody. Keep them safe. That means if anything should go wrong with
Angelus, you're gonna have to kill me.
Connor: (immediately) Okay.
Angel: (emphatically) If anything goes wrong.
Cordelia: Angel. You don't have to do this.
Angel: Now she tells me.
Lorne: (re: looking at script found on the Shaman's body) Is there
any part of this guy that doesn't have writing all over it? Scratch that. I
don't want to know.
Gunn: So that's why we couldn't find anything written about Beastie-boy
in the books. These jokers are walking around with it on their asses.
Angel: Easy. . . Easy. . .
Cordelia: What are those? Holiday decorations left over from some. . .
S&M bondage party?
Angel: (re: Angel sets off a bell and wooden spikes close together)
Wood. Why did it have to be wood.
Wesley: We have to pass through the corridor without ringing any of the
bells.
Cordelia: (sigh) (looks down at her chest) I knew you two would
get me in trouble some day.
Angel: (re: after falling on the sword) No, no. I'm good. Ahh. I'm
good. See? I missed the pointy end.
Lorne: Is that it?
Cordelia: The sword of the Bosh M'ad.
Wesley: Slayer of The Beast.
Gunn: Ohh! Can I play with it?
Lorne: Well, most of my connections have amscrayed to dimensions a little
lighter on the stomping your entrails out. All I could Kolchack was a rumor of
bad mojo risin' down in the warehouse district.
The Beast: We could rule this world. Why do you oppose me?
Angel: Rain of fire. Blocking out the sun. And you just kinda piss
me off.
The Beast: The boy joins the father in death.
Connor: No, in kicking your stony ass!
The Beast: Such arrogance. So much like Angelus.
Connor: His name is Angel.
Angel: Consider your ass kicked. destroys the Beast
Angelus: We all want
something, Wes. It's the way of the world. Everyone's got an agenda.
Cordelia: He distorts everything. He lies with the truth. It's part of
what makes him so dangerous.
Angelus: You've got no leverage. What are you going to do? Kill me?
Wesley: If I have to.
Angelus: (laughing) Wait til they drop, Wes. Then try that line
again.
Angelus: Yeah, let's talk about Cordy, shall we? Now there's a rack to
write home about. Too bad about her personality, though. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap.
Fred: (re: Connor and Cordy) Well, now that's just ridiculous.
Connor's Angel's son. It would be like sleeping with your own-- (long pause
as Lorne motions for quiet) Oh.
Angelus: (to Connor) When you think about it, the first woman you
boned is the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. (gasps) Screwing
your mom and trying to kill your dad. Hmm-- there should be a play.
Connor: The truth is, Angel's just something that you're forced to wear.
You're my real father.
Angelus: What's a better ride than a Mustang?
Cordelia: Me.
Gunn: (re: Angelus) Why is Sid Vicious suddenly Mr. Show & Tell?
Angelus: Bodies, bodies everywhere and not a drop to drink.
Fred: I'm shaky on Freyan runes, but kind of seems like it's only a
general idea of who or what got banished.
Wesley: Translation, something like big, uh, (pauses) hard thing.
Cordelia: Sounds like our guy.
Cordelia:(to Connor) It's different, isn't it? Dead demons are
just a big blob of oozing mess. Vampires turn into dust like they were never
anything at all. But humans... (pauses and sighs) it's different.
Angelus:(to Cordelia) The more you piss me off, the longer I'll
keep you alive. Ooh, there's something tells me she's a screamer.
Angelus: I've had time to
think, and I've realized something important. Being evil is wrong. I wanna be
good. I wanna be Angel again.
Gunn: That Shaman shoulda never been brought here. Now instead of
worrying about the big, bad rock eater, we got Darth Vampire living in the
basement.
Angelus: (re: Lilah's appearance) Evil doesn't have to mean sloppy
Angelus: How did you survive this long being so retarded?
Gunn: Cut the Fu-manchu. What do you know?
Angelus: Quite a bit, bright boy.
Angelus: (re: Gunn blasting him with the flamethrower) (laughing)
Maybe there's hope for you after all, Chuck.
Fred: Did you find out anything?
Lorne: Zip. Zilch. (re: on seeing Lilah) And what in the hell is
succu-bitch doin' here?
Lilah: Forget about the goody-goody. You want to kill the Beast and give
his boss a run for his evil? The answer is downstairs in a cage. Sic Angelus on
him.
Cordelia: Do you know what Angelus would do if we let him out?
Lilah: Kill you all in a bloody shower of violence, (smiling) but,
hey, greater good.
Angelus: (chuckles) I guess the Powers saw how bad you suck.
Fred: Doing better than you.
Wesley: Fred.
Angelus: Ohh! She really has put on the spunk, hasn't she, Wes? Not the
same, shy bitch-cow we pulled out of Pylea.
Fred: There's only one bitch here, and I'm looking at him.
Connor: (re: Gunn's killing of a demon) Nice.
Gunn: Yeah, sometimes ya just gotta keep wackin'..
Lorne: Wesley, would you please warn this walking infection that I
haven't forgotten how she poked my head open like a Capri Sun, and while my love
for humanity allows me to tolerate her presence, if need be, I will smack her
down! (chuckles) Be a doll. Thanks.
Angelus: I haven't and will never give up on you. We'll get through this
thing . . . together.
Lilah: (chuckles) Can't believe we didn't crush you people years
ago.
Angelus: Lilah, you make some coffee. Earn your keep around here.
Lilah: (re: dropping coffee mugs) It's my inner megalomaniac. I,
uh, rebel at serving coffee.
Angelus: I have to go save the world.
Lilah: He's gonna kill us.
Cordelia: I know. Why'd you think I let him out, you stupid bitch?
Connor: Magic again. You
people rely way too much on that junk.
Angelus: (to a crowd) But, hey, I'm no different than the next guy.
I put my victim's skin on one leg at a time.
Fat Demon: (to Angelus) Whoa, you're him. Talking to me. Not
usually impressed by vampires, but this is such a, such an honor. Hey, could you
sign a little something for my hell-spawn?
Connor: I don't give a flying sluk what Wesley says. He's not my boss.
Where the hell is he, anyway? How long does it take to chop off Lilah's head?
Connor: I know what we have to do. Angel told me. If something goes wrong,
I kill him.
Lorne: (sarcastically) Oh, and now you listen to him?
Lilah: Let's just get it over with. That body's not going to dismember
itself, you know.
The Beast: We were never friends, Angelus.
Angelus: I know, but calling you a "big, dumb hunk of rock" seemed a
little on the nose.
Angelus: Tell your boss I'm grateful for the attention, but I don't take
grocery lists from the messenger boy.
The Beast: I will teach you respect!
Angelus: Look, you may have played those suckers at Angel, Inc., but I
don't like having my strings yanked. And I don't like being kept in the dark.
(pauses) Figuratively, anyway. And if your boss was half as smart as he
thinks he is, he knows I won't take orders from a lackey. What? You don't like
lackey? Hmm... How about, uh, toadie? Or lick spittle? C'mon, lick spittle's
nice. Oh, wait, I got it. Flunkey! That's it. You're just a big, stupid,
butt-ugly, (dodges a swing from the Beast) slow-moving flunky! (dodges
another set of swings) Ah, c'mon Rocky, if that's all you've got, you better
throw in the towel and call it a night. (jumps clear) When the Beast
Master's ready to peek out from behind your skirt, have him give me a call.
Faith: (after jumping from a 3-story window and smashing a car rooftop)
You okay?
Wesley: Five by five.
Faith: I'm not gonna kill him, Wesley. Angelus. Don't care what you
thought you sprung me for, Angel's the only one in my life that never gave up on
me. There's no way I'm giving up on...
Wesley: I know. That's why it had to be you.
Wesley: (re: staking a couple vampires) I thought you could us a
release. Feel natural?
Faith: Eh, just like riding a biker.
Cordelia: (incredulous) Faith? What the hell is she doing here?
Faith: (flatly) Nice to see you too, Cor.
Faith: Gunn, right?
Gunn: Yeah.
Faith: Love the name. Hear you're a good fighter.
Gunn: I hold my own.
Faith: That's a shame.
Faith: (to Connor) Listen up, junior. I need a bloodhound, I'll
call you. If Angelus needs putting down, I'll be the one to do it, not you. So
is there anything else you're not okay with? Good, show me the weapons.
Connor: So, vampire slayers. I was told about them. How come you're
always girls?
Faith: I don't know. Better at it I guess.
Connor: You haven't seen what I can do.
Faith: Let's not.
Faith: He'll do what I tell him.
Connor: (sarcastically) Yeah, sure I will.
Faith: (after an exchange of blows) I get it, you're a super-being.
(another flurry ensues ending with Faith's crossbow at Connor's throat)
Are you a murderer? Cause I am. And if it comes down to you or Angelus, you
haven't shown me a thing to want to take your side. (Connor reluctantly
leaves)
Gunn: (admiringly) I like her.
Angelus: (guiding Faith along) Warmer. Warmer. You're smoking hot.
But then, you probably knew that.
Angelus: Smile, Faith. Thought you'd enjoy a threesome.
Faith: (delivering a spin kick) Sure, let's get it on.
Angelus: Aw, crap! You mean killing the Beast really does bring back the
sun? I thought that was just Angel's retarded fantasy.
Connor: I had no idea what a slayer could do.
Cordelia: (sardonically) A weakness for slayers. You're definitely
his son.
Wesley: Faith, are you sure
you're ok?
Faith: (wounds bloody) Little sticky.
Waitress: (placing a drink on the table) Compliments of the lady.
Angelus: Yeah. As if.
One-horned Demon: (nervously) Oh, hey, Angelus. Buy you a warm one?
Angelus: Maybe after.
One-horned Demon: After what?
Angelus: After I rip out your windpipe so it stops making that annoying
talky sound.
One-horned Demon: Wait! I have a condition. Whoop! Goh, boy! Dirty bitch!
Tourette's, you've heard of it, right?
Disembodied Voice: Destruction sometimes is its own reward.
Angelus: Hey, man, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir.
Disembodied Voice: You would dare to defy me?!
Angelus: Defy who? A big scary voice? Whoa! Hey, I got one of those, too,
wanna hear it? (cups hands and shouts into them) You can kiss my vampire
ass! That do anything for you?
Lorne: (Gunn hands him a dart gun) Did I mention the only shots
I'm good at involve tequila?
Gunn: (re: Angelus) It doesn't mean we drop our guard. If he pops
a fang in here, thwack him where it hurts.
Lorne: Good night, not-so-sweet Prince.
Lorne: (re: Connor's protection of Cordy) Odd bird, and getting
birdier.
Fred: (to Angelus) I do know one thing. You're out of your league.
What you're up against, he'll make you his bitch, just like the Beast.
Angelus: It's all about choices, Faith. The ones we make and the ones we
don't. Oh, and the consequences. Those are always fun, huh?
Gunn: (re: Angelus) All I'm saying is he tries dancing in here and
pulling a Dark Shadows again, he's going to get a dart up his evil ass.
Fred: Well, his ass moves pretty quick.
Faith: We'll start with a perimeter sweep. I'll take point. Stay frosty.
If he's still in the area...
Wesley: You'll let him escape again?
Faith: This coming from the boy hostage?
Angelus: (removes glasses and throws them at shopkeeper) These
aren't helping. (frustrated) Half of this crap is written in some archaic
proto-demon cuneiform. And I don't want to be rude, but the other half I think
they just doodled.
Angelus: (talking to the disembodied voice) You ethereal types
with your big swinging omniscience! Push comes to shove, though, you gotta send
some overgrown slag heap to do your dirty work. Ooh! That's real spooky! (upon
seeing his victim gone) Oh, that's great. You made me lose my shopkeeper.
One-horned demon: I don't remember anything. I was drunk. I thought she
was 18.
Faith: I'm gonna work real hard on the not understanding that, Lumpy.
One-horned demon: Frances!
Wesley: (shoots demon) Strom Demon. Face should grow back.
Eventually. (points shotgun at Frances)
Faith: Think yours will?
Francis: (to Faith franticly) Oh, that Angelus. Yeah. In here all
the time. Running his mouth. "Look at me, I'm so evil". Real jackass. Never
liked him. I'm on your side.
Faith: So, what -- torturing humans is part of the new makeover?
Wesley: I did what I had to because you couldn't.
Faith: I hit her.
Wesley: You think that's something new to her?
Faith: You crossed it back there, Wes -- what'd you do back there --
Wesley: Oh, you have a problem with a little torture now? Seem to recall
a time when you rather enjoyed it.
Faith: Yeah, well, it's not me anymore. You know that.
Wesley: (raises shotgun) Nice to have this along though, just in
case. (speaking slowly) I remember what you did to me Faith. The broken
glass, the shallow cuts, so I'd remain conscience.
Faith: You think I'd hurt you again?
Wesley: This the part where you tell me you've turned a new leaf, found
God, Inner peace? We both know that isn't true. You haven't changed. You can't.
Faith: (turns away) Wes --
Wesley: (getting angry) Because you're sick. You've always been
sick. It goes right down to the roots rotting your soul. That's why your friends
turned on you in Sunnydale, why the Watcher's Council tried to kill you. No one
trusts you Faith. You're just a rabid dog who should have been put down years
ago! (Faith slams him up against the wall) See? Wasn't so hard, was it?
(quietly) It's what you'll need to beat him.
Gunn: (re: Fred letting Angelus escape) Vampire Moriarty strolls
in waving the anit-mojo mojo, anybody would've done the same.
Lorne: He had mojo?
Fred: No-jo. He waved this piece of junk in my face, and I went all
spinal paralysis.
Angelus: Uh-oh! Vampire with a gun. I see why he likes this thing.
Angelus: Now, this is disappointing. You never used to bleed so easy.
Faith: Screw you.
Angelus: Hmm. Maybe after. I like my girls to lie still.
Angelus: (re: Faith getting in a few knife slashes) That hurt,
baby. Kinda liked it.
Angelus: Still lookin' for someone to help beat the bad out of you? You
know what the funny part is, darlin? I could beat you to death and it wouldn't
make a difference. Nothing'll ever change who you are, Faith. You're a murderer,
an animal, and you enjoy it. Just like me!
Faith: You're wrong. I'm different now. I'm not like you.
Angelus: (grabs Faith and vamps out) You will be.
Lorne: And speaking of
sense, have you gone on a permanent sabbatical from yours? Tell me you did not
shoot that girl full of junk and then feed her to Angelus?
Wesley: It was her choice. Faith knew the risks.
Cordelia: A coma?
Connor: Yeah. That's what it looked like when Wesley brought her in.
Cordelia: Huh. Like she hasn't pulled that one before.
Connor: (re: Faith's comatose condition) Magic. This is what it
gets you.
Angelus: All right, so what is this, Puff the Magic Dragon city?
Fairyland?
Faith: You'd think. Me, I'm guessin' it's more like, "Angelus, This is
Your Life", because lack-of-hygiene world? It sure ain't mine.
Faith: (laughs) You know what the definition of "Insanity" is,
baby? Performing the same task over and over and expecting different results.
Learned that in murder rehab.
Angelus: This sucks! Why do you get to be Marley's Ghost?
Faith: 'Cause I'm dyin', dumbass.
Angelus: Not soon enough.
Faith: Way I figure, I got one last job--baby-sit the psycho til they
shove a soul up your--
Angelus: Not gonna happen.
Faith: Then I'm--whatever! Dust in the wind. Candle in the wind. There'll
be a general wind theme.
Faith: (re: Angel saving a dog from a speeding car in the 1920's)
Dude, you just rescued a puppy.
Angelus: I'm in hell. This is hell, and I'm in it.
Connor: She's a witch.
Willow: Yes. Hi. You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.
Connor: It's Connor.
Willow: And the sneer's genetic. Who knew?
Willow: Oh, and it's the Marlboro Man. Or at least his extra stubbly,
mentally unstable, insomniac first cousin--oh--for the love of Hecate, somebody
stop me.
Fred: Oh, it's ok. I'm a yammerer from way back.
Willow: How have you been?
Cordelia: Higher power. You?
Willow: Ultimate evil. But I got better.
Cordelia: You heard about Faith?
Willow: Coma again.
Faith: Mandy, huh? It must kill you he's got a jones for the power
ballads.
Willow: Come on, everybody loves fetal pigs.
Wesley: Sorry. I think my sense of humor is trapped in a jar somewhere.
Willow: It does seem like you've given into the grumpy side of the force.
Wesley: Well, I never...flayed. I had a woman chained in a closet.
Willow: Oh, well, hey.
Wesley: No, it doesn't compare
Willow: No, Dark--That's dark. You've been to a place.
Wesley: You seem exactly the same as when I left. No other major changes
I'm not up on?
Willow: Just little things. So, uh, Fred--what's her story?
Angelus: It'll all be worth it. Is that what you try to tell yourself,
Faithy? Is that the nasty little lie that kept those thighs nice and warm in
your prison bunk?
Faith: You kiss your mama with that mouth?
Angelus: No, but I ate her with it!
Faith: Angel, It's good to see you. Hate the hair.
Fred: Connor shouldn't have run off like that.
Wesley: I'm sure he's just worried about Cordelia.
Fred: Do you ever think their relationship is maybe a little bit. . .
icky?
Angelus: Anybody notice a battle with your alter ego going on here?
Faith: Break me off a switch, son. There's about to be a whuppin'.
Angel: I have a lot to thank you for.
Faith: Well, that vice is plenty versa. I even start, it's only gonna
lead to hugging and--
Angel: No. We can't have that.
Faith: No. (laughs)
Connor: All right, I get it. I messed up.
Faith: Hey, cheer up, punk. That just makes you one of us.
Gunn: You headed out?
Faith: Hey, no tears, big guy.
Gunn: Nah, I'm good. I just wish I could've seen you kickin' the crap
outta junior here.
Faith: It was pretty funny.
Faith: (approaches to say goodbye) Wes.
Wesley: Faith.
Faith: See? Brits know how to say goodbye. Angel here wanted a hug.
Angel: No, I didn't.
Fred: I have to say, someday I'd love to bend your ear about the Pergamum
Codex. I think some of the really obscure passages are actually Latin translated
from a demonic tongue, and they're kind of a hoot. (laughs) All this
stuff about bacchanals and spells, and - actually I think it's probably funnier
in Latin. You know how that is sometimes. (laughs)
Willow: I'm seeing someone.
Willow: Oh, um, next time you guys resurrect Angelus, call me first, OK?
Lorne: Well put me on the
short bus and send me off to clueless school. A mystical pregnancy right under
my beak and not even a tingle.
Gunn: (to Angel) Well, congratulations. You're gonna have a
grandspawn.
Wesley: (re: being too harsh on Cordy) No. They were bound to
skulk off to neutral corners.
Gunn: Two vampires hook up and for the only time in vamp history, have a
kid-our boy, Connor. Then Connor grows up, knocks it out with Cordelia, a
part-demon former higher being, and quick as you can say "Easy-Bake Oven"
there's a gigantic bun in hers. I don't think we were too harsh.
Lorne: Yeah, well, that was before my spell went all flop-a-palooza.
Fred: Having 2 part-demon parents might could explain the whoosh factor.
Gunn: Not gonna be long before whoosh turns into pop.
Lorne: Speaking of pop, don't you think our re-ensouled leader should be
a part of this little confab?
Angel: (stepping out of his office) Easy-bake? Flop-a-palooza?
Whoosh, pop? (to Wesley) I don't skulk.
Angel: Lorne, you're...
Lorne: Reliable as a cheap fortune cookie?
Angel: I was gonna say a guy with good contacts.
Gwen: So I'm in a jam. I can't get out of it alone. I need someone suave,
a guy who can handle himself in a tight spot.
Angel: Gwen, I'd love to help ---
Gwen: (pointing to Gunn) I meant him.
Gwen: You collect anything when you travel?
Gunn: Uh, yeah. I, uh, got a big ol' scar on my thigh from Boyle Heights
. . . piece of vamp stake I picked up a while back in Alhambra . . . and a
couple burn marks on my hip from Encino. Yup. Name a town, I'll show you the
souvenir.
Gunn: Listen, I've spent most of this year trapped in what I can only
describe as a turgid supernatural soap opera.
Wesley: (re: Lilah) We were fighting on opposite sides, but it was
the same war.
Fred: But you hated her. (pauses) Didn't you?
Wesley: It's not always about holding hands.
Gunn: (re: arriving at the party looking ala James Bond) Of course,
I'd feel better if we were packin' some of his secret weapons.
Gwen: Charles, we are the secret weapons.
Wesley: (translating Angel's writing) Let's see. "The green...
cart-like vehicle... eats..." (pauses) "I am not a buckethead."
Angel: Damn it!
Wesley: It's a tricky language. An inverted serif can alter the meaning
of an entire passage.
Angel: Try this one.
Wesley: Something about. Strangling poultry.
Angel: That's it. I gotta get out of here.
Morimoto: I don't think you realize who you're up against.
Gunn: If it's these two girls, I already kicked their ass once. (guns
are drawn) But when you put it like that.
Gunn: Hey, I'm just the muscle.
Gwen: Don't knock the muscle, buddy. Makes the girls go all knocky in the
knees. But if that's all you were, we never could have gotten into that party
tonight.
Gwen: (re: the device on her back) What's it doing?
Gunn: You ever see one of those "Bodysnatcher" movies?
Lorne: Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl? (looks into the Magic 8-Ball
for the answer)
Magic 8-Ball: Definitely.
Cordelia: (re: the Lorne
ruse You know there was a time I would have seen that one coming eons before
it ever crossed your timy little mind.
Angel: Because you're so clever.
Cordelia: On a scale of you to me? Pretty damn.
Cordelia: So, what finally tipped off the great detective?
Angel: Tongue, slip of. (a flashback reveals Cordy calling her baby: 'my
sweet') "My sweet". Same phrase the Beastmaster kept using when he was
whispering in Angelus' head. Thought it was a bit femme for the booming macho
act.
Cordelia: That's it? I get away with bringing the world down around you,
and two eensy words tingle your spider sense?
Gunn: (re: Cordy) Whoa. Back it up for the new guy. Are you sayin'
poppin' mama threw you a beating?
Lorne: Kid Vicious did the heavy lifting. Cordy just wa-ha-ha'd at us.
Gunn: Why?
Angel: Beastmaster.
Gunn: You think she's working for him?
Fred: She is the Master.
Gunn: (slightly stunned) Guy steps out for a couple hours, half
the place goes super villain.
Angel: Connor's not a part of this.
Lorne: (sardonically) Evidence upside my head to the contrary.
Lorne: Explains why my mojo's been gunked up. Queen bee-atch put the
whammy on me.
Wesley: (realization) It was Cordelia. She murdered Lilah.
Angel: We don't know if it's really Cordy.
Fred: Or what she's got baking in her over.
Gunn: Evil and pregnant? I'm guessin' it ain't cookies.
Angel: Wes, Lilah and I weren't exactly friends.
Wesley: You were mortal enemies. Why should you care what happened to her?
Angel: Because you did.
Angel: The last couple of times I asked the Powers That Be for help, they
made it pretty damn clear they weren't in the business.
Wesley: But at least one of those was to save Darla's life. A
mass-murdering, ex-vampire dying of syphilis? A strong "no" is hardly a shock.
Fred: A bunch of candles, a couple of broken pieces of the Muo-Ping, and
some toiletries that smell way too pretty to be evil. Not much to go on. As
insidious lairs go, it kept Cordy's room nice and tidy. I think it even vacuumed.
Angel: Keep working on a way to locate this thing. If I'm not back in a
couple hours...
Gunn: You're dead. We're screwed. End of the world.
Fred: (nervously) Or you could stay here with us. Here's nice.
Skip: This is going to be really hard for you to accept, but Cordelia has
ascended to a higher plane.
Angel: I know. She's back.
Skip: Back?
Angel: Or at least something that looks like her.
Skip: Whoa, wait. Nobody comes back from paradise. Okay, a slayer once,
but...
Skip: (fighting Angel) Not like last time is it, monkey boy?
Angel: (grunting in pain) Tell me what happened to Cordelia.
Skip: Or what? You'll bleed on me some more? You know, I've always
wondered. How many chunks you gotta hack off a vampire before he goes all dust
bunny?
Skip: See, this is the nefarious meat of it, pal. You die never knowing
what really happened to the woman you love. Gotta respect the classics.
Fred: (threatening Skip) Sphere of the Infinite Agonies. Every
second a lifetime. Should be able to whip one up in, umm-20 minutes.
Angel: Everything you know. Or she starts whippin'.
Skip: Hey, whoa. I'm just a merc. I go where the deal is. And not getting
stuck in one of those? Bargain.
Skip: How did I ever get spanked by such a chump nut? The thing which has
turned your life into a burning rain of fire? She is the real Cordelia.
Or at least she's in there somewhere. This whole thing.
Gunn: Is it Cordy or not?
Skip: Oh, it's her. She just ain't driving.
Angel: Something took control of her on a higher plane?
Skip: Drill a little deeper, Hoss. How do you think she got there in the
first place?
Wesley: You're saying her ascension was all part of this thing's plan?
Skip: (sarcastically) No. Cordelia was chosen to become a higher
being because she's such a pure, radiant saint. Please.
Darla: I did so many terrible things, Connor. So much destruction. So
much pain. You were the one good think I ever did. The only good thing. I'd die
every day for the rest of eternity for you, and this is how you repay me? (pointing
at the captured girl)
Angel: How do we stop it?
Skip: That's the easy part, slick. All you gotta do is find Cordelia and
chop her head off.
Angel: Has to be another way.
Skip: Sure. Stab her in the heart, kidney, couple pokes in the lung...
Wesley: (to Angel) What do you want to do?
Skip: The only thing he can do. Kill the woman he loves and save the
world. Times like this, really gotta suck being you.
Gunn: Look, mono-chrome can yap all he wants about no-name's cosmic plan.
But here's a little something I picked up rubbing mojos these past couple of
years. The final score can't be rigged. I don't care how many players you grease.
That last shot always comes up question mark. But here's the thing. You never
know when you're taking it. It could be when you're duking it out with the
Legion of Doom or just crossing the street deciding where to have brunch. So you
treat it all like it was up to you, the world in the balance, 'cause you never
know when it is.
Fred: I should have done
this a long time ago. I don't know what I was thinking, letting these books go
all unorganized.
Lorne: Well, one does tend to let the housekeeping slide during an
apocalypta-lite. (watches Fred flit about) Hey, honey, all this to-ing
and fro-ing, it's making me edgy...er.
Fred: (hearing a noise) What's that?
Lorne: Oh, relax. It's just the buzz saw. Nothing to get worked up over.
It's Gunn and Wes down in the basement. They're dismembering that armor-plated
demon, Skip.
Fred: Right. Well, there's been an awful lot of dismembering going on in
that basement lately, if you ask me.
Lorne: Well, it's been a busy month.
Gunn: (re: Jasmine) I hope this thing's easier to kill than the
Beast.
Connor: Kill? No. No killing.
Gunn: Since when?
Angel: Since we've all been saved.
Fred: Oh, well, that's, uh , crazy talk.
Jasmine: (re: her room) Oh, Lorne.
Lorne: It's, uh, it's too diva, isn't it? Diva, Deity, it's a thin line.
John: You said you saw it.
Fred: I did.
John: Then you've been called too.
Fred: Called?
John: Called to the mission.
Fred: Called? No, I, I don't get called. I'm not the "called" type. I,
you know, take messages for.. (pauses) my boss, he--he gets called.
John: It's our duty. Others won't see.
Fred: You're wrong. If what you say is true, there are people who will
understand, who will help.
John: (authoritatively) You've been called.
Fred: No, like I said...(her cell phone rings) OK. That's just
eerie.
Fred: (re: people in the lobby) What happened?
Lorne: She went out for a walk. It was like "A Hard Days Night". Everyone
followed her back. Isn't it fabulous?
Lorne: Nothing like a homicidal maniac to put a damper on an impromptu
spiritual gathering.
Diner Cook: Looks like you just lost your best friend.
Fred: (despondent) All of them. I never thought...
Diner Cook: Yeah, well, that's life in the big city.
Lorne:
(to a follower, re: Jasmine) Hey, preaching to the choir. I thought Our
Lady of the Sea Breeze was the real deal til the divine Ms. J walked right
through that door and into my ass. (stammering) Which is where my heart
is. Physiologically. I can show you an x-ray.
Bookstore Owner: (re: mind control) I believe. I just don't worry
about it anymore.
Fred: So, you don't worry that it's possible for someone to send out a
biological or electronic trigger that effectively overrides your sense of ideals
and values and replaces them with an alternative, coercive agenda that reduces
you to little more than a mindless meat puppet?
Bookstore Owner: Wow. People used to say that I was paranoid.
Bookstore Owner: We don't need to use the evil tools of "the man" when we
have "the woman". We need to trust that Jasmine's love will reach the rest of
the world just like it reached us.
Fred: (sarcastically) Oh, happy day.
Gunn: I still don't understand why you don't just sashay into a TV
studio, say scoot over, Regis, and sweet talk your love to the whole wide world.
Jasmine: It's not the world's time yet.
Angel: She's right. There's work to do here. We have a hotel full of
people, people who have needs.
Lorne: You know what they say about people who need people.
Connor: They're the luckiest people in the world.
Lorne: (as all stare incredulously at Connor) You been sneakin'
peeks at my Streisand collection again, kiddo?
Connor: It just kinda popped out.
Little Green Demon: I'm vegetarian!
Fred: (doubtfully) Really? With those choppers?
Little Green Demon: OK. I eat fish and occasionally vermin.
Fred: You don't live here?
Little Green Demon: Do you live in a dirt hole?
Fred: No.
Little Green Demon: Do you want to live in a dirt hole?
Fred: No.
Little Green Demon: Then why the hell do you think that I live in a dirt
hole?
Lorne: I can't believe little old Fred managed to sway Angel back to the
dark side.
Gunn: Evil, not evil, evil again. I wish he'd make up his mind.
Fred: (re: Cordy grabbing Angel's wrist) Angel. People in comas,
sometimes their bodies just do things. Mumble words, maybe even open their eyes.
It doesn't necessarily mean they're waking up.
Angel: But it could, right? I mean stranger things have happened.
Fred: You mean like Cordelia giving birth to a beautiful, ebony goddess?
Angel: Not the example I was looking for, but yeah.
Connor: You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Jasmine: My sweet boy.
Connor: What happened to those people?
Jasmine: I ate them.
Connor: Cool.
Lorne: (under his breath) Well, tonight the role of Judas Iscariot
will be played by Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan.
Connor: (to Angel) I'll kill you.
Angel: It'll pass.
Lorne: (sarcastically) Yeah, right, 'cause Lord knows he's never
tried that before.
Female Radio Announcer: "In
related news, the L.A. Archdiocese has stated to the press that it will remove
all false idols from its churches, replacing them with images of She Who Walks
Among Us. Way to go, Catholic Church."
Lorne: Speaking of moot, what about us? Anyone else feel like the last
feisty wife in Stepford?
Jasmine: Every moment that passes, I grow closer to my followers. I feel
what they feel; I see what they see. We're fusing together like the cells of a
single body. They're my eyes, my skin, my limbs, and if need be, my fists.
Lorne: (re: gas station) Oh, I don't know, kids. That's a whole
lot of pod people.
Angel: Well, it's better than the last three places. We won't make it out
of the city without any gas.
Gunn: So that's our big plan? Just keep running?
Lorne: I hear good things about Belize.
Angel: If we don't gut ourselves and burn out everything inside that
gives her power over us, then we're lost.
Lorne: I hate to say it, Dr. Pep, but I've been lost for, like, two hours.
Wesley: Seems strange now. A being of her immeasurable age. You think
she'd already have a name.
Lorne: Well, maybe it was embarrassing, like Hester or Peanut.
Angel: It's okay, they're not under her power.
Randall: Her who?
Gunn: We'll ask the questions.
Wesley: Angel, are you sure?
Angel: Well, they're not exactly fighting like a well-oiled,
mind-controlled army of love, are they?
Fred: (to Randall) It's weird, really, us running into you like
this. I mean, we-- we're professional monster killers. Or we were.
Angel: Are, Fred. We are. (picks up sword)
Randall: Hey, that belonged to Tommy.
Angel: Well, now it belongs to me. Let's go get professional on this
evil-son-of-a-bitch's ass.
Gunn: Heard that.
Creature: (re: Jasmine) We loved her first!
Wesley: And how does your kind define love?
Creature: Same as all bodies, same as everywheres. (pauses) Love
is sacrifice.
Creature: (with contempt) Ah! You creatures. Throwing your names
all over all the time! That's why you're so weak. Too many are knowing your
names. Takes your power away.
Creature: I just messenger from the ones who love truly.
Angel: Well, then, I guess it's time to shoot the messenger. Or, you know,
chop the messenger into little bitty pieces. Whatever.
Angel: You, you're...?
High Priest: High Priest, Guardian of the Word, caretaker of her most
blessed temple.
Angel: Well, blessed temple's kind of empty, padre. Where's the other
true believers, or are you it?
High Priest: (laughs) Centuries of awaiting her return have caused
most to doubt.
Angel: But not you, her faithful P.R. flak.
High Priest: She is the light. She is the way.
Angel: (mocking) She is not coming back.
High Priest: She will when she is through with your world.
Gunn: (incredulous) Wait. People? She eats people?
Fred: Oh no.
Gunn: "To Serve Man". It's "To Serve Man" all over again.
Angel: Give me her name!
High Priest: (choking) Keeper.
Angel: That's it? Caper?
High Priest: Her true name is known only by the Keeper of the Name.
Angel: Right. That's you!
High Priest: (whining) No, I am the Guardian of the Word.
Angel: (through gritted teeth) You said the word is the name.
High Priest: Yes, and I guard the Keeper of it.
Angel: So you are the Keeper's keeper?
High Priest: (exasperated) I am the Guardian of the Word.
Angel: Okay, Bugsy, you want to tell me what I'm fighting for?
High Priest: Him.
Angel: Him?
High Priest: The boy. The woman you've already lost. The boy is what
you're fighting for.
Connor: I can smell her on you. So tell me and I'll crush your windpipe.
Jeremy: (stammering) You mean *or* right? Or you'll crush my
windpipe?
Connor: Where's Cordy?
High Priest: So much effort, always struggling, trying to make things
right for the boy, for Connor, but it's never enough. Why do you bother?
Angel: I can see you never had kids.
High Priest: The boy should not even exist. He was only a device to bring
forth the blessed She-a means to an end.
Angel: Yeah, well, people get born for all sorts of reasons.
High Priest: He will never love you.
Angel: It doesn't matter.
High Priest: Foolish dead thing.
Lorne: (re: Gunn's kicking the cage door) You can stop that any
time now.
Gunn: I will - just as soon as somebody comes up with a better plan - to
get us out of here.
Lorne: And then what, Kato? The anti-Jasmine crowd's about to become a
staggering minority on this planet.
Gunn: Yeah, well, first things first. We�ll worry about that when the
time comes.
Lorne: Bell�s rung, babe. It�s come.
Lorne: (re: Connor leaving) More than likely, Her Godliness
summoned him for a little tender-lovin...
Wesley: (thinking aloud) Blood.
Fred: Is that some kind of ritual she has him doing? Cause, ew.
Connor: (talking to Cordelia about the world) And it is better.
Not harsh and cruel, the way that Angel likes it so he has a reason to fight.
Cause, you know, that's what he's about. Him and the others. Finding reasons to
fight. Like that's what gives their lives any meaning. The only damn thing! I'm
not like them. I just, I want to stop. I want to stop fighting. I just want to
rest. God, I want to rest. But I can't. (long pause as anger turns to
resignation) It's not working, Cordy. I tried. I tried to believe. I wanted
it. I went along with the flow. Jasmine, she's (pauses) she's bringing
peace to everyone, purging all of their hate and anger. But not me. (laughs)
Not me! I know she's a lie. Jasmine. My whole life's been built on them. I just,
I guess I thought this one was better than the others.
Male Reporter: What can we do to show our love for you?
Jasmine: You don't have to do anything except love one another. (pauses)
Although a temple would be nice. Something massive and awe-inspiring, yet warm
and nurturing, celebrating the gentle pleasures of a peaceful, precious
coexistence.
Angel: Jasmine. It's over. You've lost.
Jasmine: I've lost? Do you have any idea what you've done?
Angel: What I had to do.
Jasmine: No. No, Angel. There are no absolutes. No right and wrong.
Haven't you learned anything working for the Powers? There are only choices. I
offered paradise. And you chose this.
Angel: Because I could. Because that's what you took away from us. Choice.
Jasmine: And look where free will has gotten you.
Angel: Hey, I didn't say we were smart. I said it's our right. It's what
makes us human.
Jasmine: But you're not human!
Angel: Working on it.
Jasmine: Why do you hate me so much?
Angel: Let's run down the list, huh? Rain of fire, blotting out the sun,
enslaving mankind, and yeah, oh yeah, you eat people!
Jasmine: Like you never have.
Angel: Go to hell.
Jasmine: You first, baby.
Wesley: It's a lie.
Lilah: Lah. It's, uh, Lilah.
Gunn: Vampire?
Lilah: Ew, please. Angelus drank from me, it's true, but like with most
men, it was a one-way street. I was dead already.
Lilah: I have been authorized to make you kids an offer.
Fred: You can't possibly think there's anything we'd want from you.
Lilah: I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is
the offer of a lifetime. (pauses) Just not, you know, mine.
Fred: But there is no L.A. office of Wolfram & Hart. The Beast destroyed
it.
Lilah: Oh, it's back, restaffed and zombie free. We're bigger, better,
and shinier than ever, and we want to give it to you.
Gunn: You want to give us your evil law firm? We ain't lawyers!
Fred: Or evil. Currently.
Lilah: What we're offering you is a turnkey, state-of-the-art,
multi-tasking operation. What you do with it, well, that's up to you.
Gunn: (re: finding Connor) Can't help thinking it might cut down
on the work load some if we got a little help, a few extra employees, or a
turnkey, state-of-the-art, multi-tasking operation.
Wesley: You can't possibly think that's an option.
Gunn: Well, now, I know it's an option, cause I was standing there when
the dead lady offered it to us.
Gunn: Couldn't have been easy for you seeing Lilah again like that.
Wesley: Oh, yes. That was awkward, wasn't it? When you decapitate a loved
one, you don't expect them to come visiting.
Lorne: I'm not saying we ended world peace or anything, kids, but, uh,
it's a mess out there, and considering the banner year we've had, that's up
against some pretty stiff competition.
Preston: I had this prepared. Confidential list. Peepers only. I thought
you might like to take a gander at our roster. Just a run down of some of the
talent we represent here.
Lorne: Uh, no. No. No. No. I don't think you have to tell me what you
represent here, young man. Evil. Pure evil in the... (stunned as he looks at
the list) Huh. Which is also apparently everyone I've always wanted to meet.
(laughs)
Angel: Well, (chuckles) what do you know?
Lilah: Yep, just you and me, boss. Come on, Charlie. Let me show you
around the chocolate factory.
Fred: So are you a lawyer? Uh, you don't look like a lawyer.
Knox: (laughs) No, I'm strictly R & D. Although, occasionaly, some
D & D. D & D. Dungeons and... we actually have a dungeon. I can show it to you
later if... um, I manage the science division.
Angel: This is what you came back from the dead for? To play "Let's Make
An Evil Deal"?
Lilah: Show him what's behind door number one, Bob.
Lilah: (shutting the blinds) Goodbye, Mr. Sunshine. Hello, Gloomy
Avenger.
Lilah: Think of what you could do with the resources of Wolfram & Hart at
your fingertips, the difference that would make. Nothing in this world is the
way it ought to be. It's harsh, and it's cruel, but that's why there's you,
Angel. You live as if the world were as it should be. With all this you can make
it that way. People don't need an unyielding Champion. They need a man who knows
the value of compromise and how to beat the system from inside the belly of the
beast.
Angel: The beast's belly? Doesn't that usually mean you've been eaten?
Angel: Buffy can handle herself.
Lilah: But isn't it more fun when you handle her?
Gunn: (re: the white room) Only thing I seek is the lobby. I
already rubbed elbows with Little Miss Muffett once. Don't need a repeat with
her replacement. And here I was, thinking I'm getting seduced.
Lilah: You broke in here for my contract?
Wesley: I'm here to release you from it.
Lilah: Wesley.
Wesley: You've suffered enough. (lights the contract on fire) I
want you to find some peace.
Lilah: Gallant to the end. But I knew what I signed up for.
Wesley: It's done.
Lilah: Look in the drawer. Flames wouldn't be eternal if they actually
consumed anything. But it means something that you tried.
Connor: there's only one thing that ever changes anything, and that's
death. Everything else is just a lie. You can't be save by a lie. You can't be
saved at all.
Angel: I really do love you, Connor.
Connor: So what are you gonna do about it?
Angel: Prove it.
Connor: (toasting) To family.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Go to Angel, season one
Go to Angel, season two
Go to Angel, season three
Go to Angel, season
five
Go back to Index