Xander: You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math.
Willow: Okay. Do you have 'Theories in Trig'? You should check it out.
Xander: Check it out?
Willow: From the library? Where the books live.
Principal Flutie: A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... Whoa.
Xander: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?
Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.
Cordelia: Oh, I would *kill* to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?
Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let *anybody* in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town
here.
Buffy: It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.
Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy: I can't do both?
Willow: Not legally.
Jesse: Well, you know, we wanted to welcome ya, make ya feel at home, unless you have a scary home...
Cordelia: I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was cancelled due to the *extreme* dead guy in the locker.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.
Giles: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real!
Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Ah, we-we-we-yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.
Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher...
Buffy: ...watches?
Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is gonna happen here.
Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
Buffy: From now on I am only going to hang out with the living. I mean, lively. People.
Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.
Willow: We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. ...Oh, we were five.
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Willow: I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really *haven't* been dating lately.
Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Giles: I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!
Giles: Who told you this?
Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way.
Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.
Buffy: You're like a textbook with arms. I know this.
Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!
Giles: The vampire is not dead?
Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.
Buffy: Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine by me!
Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult
content...
Willow: Oh, I, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh. Good for me.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
Buffy: I looked around, but soon's they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
Giles: So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?
Willow: Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.
Giles: Well, then help me. I've been researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, Hell on Earth, quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine... That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz'. Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Buffy: I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have a friend? ...That wasn't supposed to be a stumper.
Xander: Ok, so, crosses, garlic, stake through the heart.
Buffy: That'll get it done.
Xander: Cool! Of course, I don't actually have any of those things.
Buffy: Good thinking.
Xander: Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down
here.
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?
Cordelia: Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
Buffy: So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
Cordelia: Senior boys, they have mystery. They have... What's the word I'm searching for? Cars!
Giles: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school!
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The Earth is doomed!
Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to fight vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it.
Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how?
Giles: Well, I... By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.
Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage... Pardon me for finding the glass half full.
Willow: That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system. At last, something *I* can do!
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!
Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy.
Xander: One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids.
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done?
Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
Buffy: You're my Xander-shaped friend!
Buffy: You're not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls!
Xander: We're right behind you, only... further back.
Xander: [Re: Angel] He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?
Xander: Oh, right! Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, no one needs to be trading clothing out there!
Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful, how ever can we escape this torment?
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
Buffy: Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart.
Willow: Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs.
Xander: [Re Miss French] I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism.
Xander: Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't laugh at those who... can do.
Buffy: Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on.
Buffy: So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand... How many things am I afraid of?
Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers as a rule.
Mr. Flutie: You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?
Buffy: Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him...
Mr. Flutie: Don't say dead! Or decapitated, or decomposing. I'd stay away from D-words
altogether.
Mr. Flutie: No, you have to talk to a counsellor and start the healing. You have to heal. Heal!
Giles: Nothing human can do that.
Buffy: No, nothing human. There are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her.
Giles: What are you going to do?
Buffy: My homework.
Giles: Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal?
Willow: Entirely!
Buffy: Of course!
Giles: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.
Xander: ...I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway?
Giels: The She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh.. I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!
Giles: [Off to record bat sonar] Where am I gonna find the...
Buffy: In the vid library? There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at
home. Go!
Buffy: We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Buffy, and you're history!
Buffy: Told you it looked familiar.
Giles: Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right.
Buffy: Oooh, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score!
Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
Willow: [Re Owen] Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him.
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Buffy: Tonight? You and me?
Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights...
Buffy: Where do you suppose young kids go on dates these days?
Willow: Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Buffy: Movies! Interesting!
Willow: And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a party.
Buffy: Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities!
Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Cordelia: Oooh! Hello, salty goodness! Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.
Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning...?
Giles: I hid.
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating! That was exciting...
Willow: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
Xander: Buffy, this isn't just about looking at a bunch of animals. This is about not being in class!
Buffy: You know, you're right! Suddenly the animals look shiny and new.
Xander: Well, every school has 'em. So, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
Buffy: Well, I'm not constantly monitoring his health, his blood pressure...
Willow: 130 over 80!
Buffy: You got it bad, girl!
Willow: He makes my head go tingly. You know what I mean?
Buffy: I suppose some girls might find him good looking... if they have eyes, alright, he's a honey, but... it's just he's never around, and when he is all he wants to do is talk about vampires, and... I, I just can't have a relationship...
Xander: You took a bath.
Buffy: Yeah, I-I often do. I'm actually known for it.
Xander: That's okay.
Willow: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this.
Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with
imbeciles?
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it.
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill
him.
Buffy: I cannot believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me. There is something supernatural at work here. Get your books! Look stuff up!
Willow: What're you gonna do?
Giles: Get my books. Look stuff up.
Xander: Been waitin' for you to jump my bones.
Xander: Dangerous and mean, right? Like Angel. Your mystery guy. Well, guess who just got mean.
Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
Buffy: It shouldn't be too hard to find a new principal. Unless they ask what happened to the last one.
Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I didn't find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
Giles: Your secret's safe with me.
Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'
Xander: [To Cordelia] Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!
Angel: It's alright. A vampire can't come in unless it's invited.
Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Xander: Duh!
Willow: How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on.
Giles: Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it.
Willow: No, I was sleeping.
Master: I am weary, and their deaths will bring me little joy. Of course, sometimes a little is enough.
Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! Huh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?
Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! I... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are 'penetrating', I meant to write 'bulging'.
Angel: Buffy...
Buffy: And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it stands for... 'Achmed', a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched from the closet. I didn't read it, I
swear.
Xander: You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!
Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms.
Darla: [To Joyce] It's very nice of you to invite me into your home.
Darla: What do you want?
Angel: I want it finished!
Darla: That's good. You're hurting me. That's good, too.
Buffy: You're not an animal. Animals I like.
Angel: Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends... and their friend's children... For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.
Angel: Fed on a girl about your age... beautiful... dumb as a post... but a favourite among her
clan.
Buffy: Her clan?
Angel: Romany. Gypsies. The elders conjured the perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul.
Buffy: What, they were all out of oils and blinding torment?
Angel: But I wanted to. I can walk like a man, but I'm not one. I wanted to kill you tonight.
Buffy: Well, you been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a few ex's. You're older than him, right? Just between us girls, you are looking a little worn around the eyes.
Willow: So, no word from Angel?
Buffy: Nah. It's weird, though. In his way I feel like he's still watching me.
Willow: Well, in a way he sort of is. In the way of that he's right over there.
Ms. Calendar: Oh, I know, our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join us in the 20th century. With three whole years to spare!
Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the,
um, idiot box.
Ms. Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This [a computer] is the *good* box!
Fritz: The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an
entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive.
Ms. Calendar: Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy people.
Giles: I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle
ages.
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?
Ms. Calendar: Hey, Fritz... I'm, uh, looking at the logs. You and Dave are clocking a pretty scary amount of computer
time.
Fritz: New project.
Ms. Calendar: Oooh, will I be excited?
Fritz: You'll die.
Xander: But you're gonna be missin' out. I'm plannin' to be witty. I'm gonna make fun of all the people who won't talk to me.
Buffy: She certainly looks perky.
Xander: Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like it. It's not
healthy.
Buffy: You're jealous.
Xander: Of what?
Buffy: Willow's got a thang, and Xander's left hanging.
Xander: Oh, that's meaningless drivel. I'm not interested in Willow like that.
Buffy: Yeah, but you got used to being the Belle of the Ball.
Buffy: Well, you're a computer geek... genius, and, uh, I sort of have a technical problem. If I wanted to find out something about
someone, if someone e-mailed me, could I trace the letter?
Dave: Well, you could pull up someone's profile based on their user name.
Buffy: But they write their profile themselves, right? And so they could say anything they
wanted.
Dave: True.
Buffy: Wow, I had knowledge!
Giles: I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.
Xander: Calax Research and Development. It's a computer research lab. Third largest employer in Sunnydale till it closed down last year. ...What, I can't have information sometimes?
Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Ms. Calendar: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
Giles: Uh, nothing, um, a, a diary, yes. I imagine that's what it is. Well, it's been so nice talking to
you.
Ms. Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.
Giles: The scanner read the book. It brought Moloch out as information to be
absorbed.
Buffy: He's gone binary on us.
Xander: Are we overreacting? He's in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't
know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.
Giles: Um, thank you for coming. Uh, I need your help. But before that, um, I need you to believe something
that, um, you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh... something's got into the, um...
i-i-inside, um... There's a demon in the Internet.
Ms. Calendar: I know.
Giles: Uh... You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you?
Ms. Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school.
Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones.
Ms. Calendar: Wrong and wrong, snobby. You think the realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and
relics? That bad old science made the magic go away? Mm. The divine exists in cyberspace same as out
here.
Giles: Are you a witch?
Ms. Calendar: Mm. I don't have that kinda power. 'Technopagan' is the term.
Moloch: Don't you see? I can give you everything! I can control the world! Right now a man in Beijing is transferring money to a Swiss bank account for a contract on his mother's life. Good for him!
Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!
Willow: Malcolm! Remember me, your girlfriend?! Well, I think it's time we break up!
Ms. Calendar: You really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I, I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms. Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.
Buffy: Let's face it; none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call 'em "principals" now.'
Giles: He thought it would behove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was to minimize said
contact, but, um, he would have none of it.
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your
destiny.
Snyder: So. We think school events are stupid, and we think authority figures are to be made fun of.
Buffy: No! No, we don't. U-unless you do.
Snyder: All three of you left campus yesterday.
Buffy: Yeah, but we were fighting a demon...
Snyder: Fighting?
Buffy: Not fighting.
Xander: No, we left to *avoid* fighting.
Snyder: Real anti-social types. You need to integrate in this school, people.
Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!
Willow: Oh, i-in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play...
Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! It's not, though.
Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
Buffy: Uh, priority check, Giles. Talent show, murder?
Xander: Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it.
Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking.
Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? Ohmigod! [leaves]
Giles: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.
Willow: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog.
Xander: So, the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter. And we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?
Cordelia: I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... Buffy!
Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me?
Xander: What's the square root of 841?
Willow: 29. Oh. Yeah.
Xander: Cool! What's active listening?
Willow: That would be the homework.
Buffy: Chapter five? Active listening? Where you put on your big ears and really focus on the other person?
Wendel: Ms. Tishler demonstrated it yesterday.
Willow: With you!
Buffy: She was wearing that tight sweater?
Xander: Oh, the midnight blue angora! See, I was listening!
Willow: I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you, for crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Eeew! How do they not ruffle you?
Xander: I'm sorry! I'm unruffled by spiders. Now, if a bunch of Nazis crawled across my
face...
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Buffy: What, am I knowledge girl now? Explanations are your terrain.
Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this. Nightmares, our, our nightmares are coming true.
Master: Nobody died. What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?
Master: A dream is a wish your heart makes. This is real life.
Buffy: Well, we better hurry... 'cause I'm getting hungry.
Buffy: Scary! I'll tell you something, though. There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them.
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick. I need help.
Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
Xander: What, so there's homework now? When did that happen?
Xander: Hmm. Greek myths speak of cloaks of invisibility, but they're usually for the gods. Research Boy comes through with the knowledge!
Xander: Oh, hey, do you wanna come over to our place tonight for dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
Willow: Xander, do you guys even own a stove?
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer! It's rather poetic! In a maudlin sort of way.
Angel: Oh, I don't know. Looking in the mirror everyday and seeing nothing there. It's an overrated pleasure.
Willow: Oh, my God! 'Have a nice summer. Have a nice summer.' This girl had no friends at all.
Giles: Uh, once again I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap.
Buffy: 'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.
Xander: What, so she turned invisible because no one noticed her?
Giles: Of course! I've been investigating the mystical causes for invisibility when I, I should have looked at the quantum mechanical! ...Physics.
Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?
Cordelia: Somebody is after me! They just tried to kill Ms.Miller? Uh, she was helping me with my homework. And Mitch! And Harmony?! This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow! For once she's right!
Cordelia: Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons... I was kind of hoping you were in a gang.
Giles: You know, I... I don't recall ever seeing you in here [the library].
Cordelia: Oh, no, I have a life.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
Angel: I'll get it. It's not like I need the oxygen.
Marcie: I'm fulfilling your fondest wish. I'm gonna give you a face no one will ever forget.
Buffy: Y'know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this. You're a thundering loony!
Manetti: In time she'll learn to be a useful member of society again.
Cordelia: Look, um, I didn't get a chance to say anything yesterday with the coronation and everything... but, um, I guess I just wanted to say thank you, all of you.
Xander: That's funny, 'cause she *looks* like Cordelia.
Xander: Y'know, Buffy, Spring Fling just isn't any dance. It's a time for students to choose, um... a mate and then we can... observe their... mating rituals and tag them before they migrate. Just kill me!
Master: Yes! YES! Shake, Earth! This is a sign! We are in the final days! My time has come! Glory! GLORY! Whadaya think? 5.1?
Buffy: Giles! I'm putting my life on the line fighting the undead. Look, I broke a nail. You could at least pretend to care! You could go 'hmmm'.
Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?
Xander: Look, I'm sorry. I don't handle rejection well. Funny! Considering all the practice I've had, huh?
Cordelia: Willow! I really like your outfit!
Willow: No, you don't.
Cordelia: No, I really don't, but I need a favor.
Willow: You think I wanna go to the dance with you and watch you wish you were at the dance with her? You think that's my idea of hijinks? You should know better.
Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
Willow: I'm not okay. I knew those guys. I go to that room every day. And when I walked in there, it... it wasn't our world anymore. They made it theirs. And they had fun... What are we gonna do?
Ms. Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little.
Buffy: When he wakes up tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.
Xander: I'm sorry, calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.
Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not let her
go!
Xander: [To Angel] How can I say this clearly? I don't like you. At the end of the day, I pretty much think you're a vampire. But Buffy's got this big old yen for you. She thinks you're a real person. And right now I need you to prove her right.
Buffy: Oh, look, a bad guy.
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
Buffy: Sure! We saved the world. I say we party! I mean, I got all pretty.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Go to quotes Season 2
Go to quotes Season 3
Go to quotes Season 4
Go to quotes Season 5
Go to quotes Season 6
Go to quotes Season 7
Go back to Home
Updated October 2003.
Author: Millan
"I don't need a life, I have Buffy!"