Hank: It's so strange. You know, at least when she was burning stuff down I knew what to say.
Cordelia: It was a nightmare, a total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?
Snyder: One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Snyder: [To Giles] Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a
bunch of hormonal time bombs. Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns
into a gibbering fool.
Giles: Ms. Calendar!
Jenny: Mr. Giles!
Giles: Well, I, uh, um... Hello!
Snyder: You see the way these kids gaze at each other... all moony.
Jenny: It's good to see you.
Giles: Yes.
Snyder: You think they're thinking about learning?
Giles: Uh, were you headed to the, uh, faculty room?
Jenny: Sounds like fun! [they leave]
Snyder: I try to tell them about the important things in life. Discipline,
responsibility, punctuality. Might as well be talking to myself.
Xander: Yo! G-man! What's up?
Giles: Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that.
Xander: Oh, c'mon, you can tell us. We're your bosom friends! The friends of your bosom!
Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good.
Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.
Buffy: Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no 'us'. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living.
Buffy: Xander? Did I ever thank you... for saving my life? Don't you wish I would?
Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? ...She's possessed.
Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a
b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.
Snyder: That Summers girl. I smell trouble. I smell expulsion, and just the
faintest aroma of jail.
Giles: Well, before you throw away the key, you might consider giving her the
benefit of the doubt. She may surprise you.
Snyder: You really have faith in those kids, don't you?
Giles: Yes, I do.
Snyder: Weird.
Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?
Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of
that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgment
day, you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who
wants to slit your throat: the stains.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal
danger on the second day of school.
Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.
Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Buffy: Are you jealous?
Angel: Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid.
Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him?
Angel: 'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little
closer.
Giles: W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable. ...You idiot.
Buffy: Being called an idiot tends to take some people out of the dating mood.
Xander: Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on.
Buffy: I fear you.
Buffy: You might also wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and indecorous',
y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um...
Giles: England?
Buffy: You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.'
Xander: We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?
Giles: W-what makes you think that?
Xander: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for
someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian,
so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it
all up and it all spells 'duh'.
Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I *know* you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it.
Damn it.
Willow: This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place.
Cordelia: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought
back too many memories of Daryl.
Willow: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week.
Cordelia: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain.
Buffy: How was her neck?
Willow: Fine, except for being broken.
Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?
Giles: There, there.
Xander: So, we dig up some graves tonight?
Willow: Oh, boy! A field trip!
Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel?
Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled.
Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
Buffy: And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence.
Angel: Cordelia told me the truth.
Xander: That's gotta be a first.
Angel: This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what
they were doing.
Giles: Yes, really. What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology?
Willow: Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me.
Xander: People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
Buffy: But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually
making them live.
Willow: If it is, my science project's definitely coming in second this year.
Xander: And speaking of love...
Willow: We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue.
Xander: Do I deconstruct your segues?
Giles: I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its
virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just
in order to play rugby.
Jenny: Is this your normal strategy for a first date? Dissing my country's
national pastime?
Giles: Did you just say 'date'?
Jenny: You noticed that, huh?
Jenny: It's okay. Although a good rule of thumb for a first date is don't do
anything so exciting that it'll be hard to top on the second date.
Giles: Believe it or not, since I've moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth,
the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night. Did you just say 'second
date'?
Jenny: You noticed that, huh?
Cordelia: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did
in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was
anything that I could ever do to...
Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here. ...So where were we?
Willow: Wondering why we never get dates.
Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is?
Angel: Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight.
Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of your principal as your pal.' I say, 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.'
Willow: [Re: Sheila] She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was
lookout for her.
Xander: You're bad to the bone.
Willow: I'm a rebel.
Xander: It's no biggie. You'll have a nice soiree. The parents will love it.
As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you'll be fine.
Buffy: Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna
happen!
Xander: Whaddaya mean? Nothing's gonna happen.
Willow: Not until some dummy says, 'as long as nothing bad happens.'
Buffy: It's the ultimate jinx!
Willow: What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all?
Xander: Well, you guys don't know. Maybe this time it'll be different...
Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
Spike: So. Who do you kill for fun around here?
Spike: You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer
problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good
with Slayers? Killing them.
Collin: Can you?
Spike: A lot faster than Nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my
time. I don't like to brag. ...Who am I kidding? I *love* to brag!
Drusilla: Look at all the people. Are these nice people?
Spike: We're getting along.
Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score?
Joyce: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again.
Buffy: Oh, that.
Buffy: We're going to the Bronze. I can study and party and do Parent-Teacher
night and make my mother proud as long as I don't have to...
Giles: Buffy!
Buffy: ...fight vampires.
Jenny: The Order never accurately calculated the Mesopotamian Calendar. Rupert, you have *got* to read something that was published after 1066.
Xander: And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune.
Sheila: Did you really burn down a school building one time?
Buffy: Well, not actually one time.
Sheila: Cool.
Xander: C'mon, one dance. You've been studying nearly twelve minutes.
Buffy: No wonder my brain's fried.
Vampire: Slayer!
Buffy: Slayee!
Spike: Nice work, love.
Buffy: Who are you?
Spike: You'll find out on Saturday.
Buffy: What happens on Saturday?
Spike: I kill you.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy.
Cordelia: My fingers are cramping. How long have I been doing this?
Xander: Three minutes.
Cordelia: So, can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this
guy Spike is as mean as you all said, it should be over pretty quickly.
Giles: Our new friend Spike. He's known as 'William the Bloody'. Earned his
nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well,
here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel
is. Oh.
Xander: That's a bad look, right?
Giles: I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might've been a
good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and... He's killed
them both.
Spike: Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kittyyy. I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry. And use their bones to bash your head in.
Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
Joyce: [to Spike] You get the hell away from my daughter!
Chief: I need to say something to the media people.
Snyder: So?
Chief: So? You want the usual story? Gang-related? PCP?
Snyder: What'd you have in mind? The truth?
Chief: Right. Gang-related. PCP.
Joyce: Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker. And I could care less.
I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and
thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb
teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that.
Buffy: About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again?
Joyce: Oh, at least a week and a half.
Spike: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again... Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this... [hoisting him Colin up into sunlight] ...first!
Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual...and a little more fun around here.
Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program?
Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea.
Willow: [Re: Rodney] You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day
for five years.
Xander: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.
Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?
Xander: The important thing is *you* believe that.
Buffy: Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
Buffy: Oh, come on. In all the years you've know Willow, you've never thought
about her lips?
Xander: Buffy, I love Willow. And she's my best friend. Which makes her not the
kind of girl who I think about her lips that much. She's the kind of girl
that... I'm best friends with.
Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
Xander: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old 'let me translate that ancient seal for ya' come on. Tsh. D'ya know how many times I've used that?
Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl.
Ampata: Yes. For many years now.
Devon: Oz, man! What do you think?
Oz: Of what?
Devon: Cordelia, man!
Oz: She's a wonderland tour.
Devon: What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't
discuss it here.
Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and
talk.
Devon: She doesn't have to talk.
Ampata: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for
Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I
can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet.
Xander: That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? Sorry, someone else.
Buffy: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful.
Oz: [re Willow] Hey. That girl. Who is she?
Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
Giles: It is down.
Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.
Xander: Have you seen Ampata? [Willow shrugs] What was that?
Willow: I shrugged.
Xander: Next time you should probably say 'shrug'.
Willow: Sigh.
Xander: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world, ever.
Xander: Is she dying?
Buffy: I think she's singing.
Xander: To a telephone in Hindi. Now that's entertainment! Why is she singing?
Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the
wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put
their big maypole... fish thing.
Xander: Uh-huh. Why is she singing?
Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.
Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.
Xander: Hmm. And we thought just because we didn't have any money or anyplace to
go this would be a lacklustre evening.
Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and
ask for hot water.
Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.
Willow: Not during the day, but you could ask him for coffee some night. It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but...
Cordelia: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I happen to be dating
a Delta Zeta Kappa.
Xander: Oh! An extra-terrestrial. So that's how you get a date after you
exhausted all the human guys.
Buffy: No. I think you don't know what it's like to be sixteen. And a girl.
And the Slayer.
Giles: Fair enough, no, no, I-I don't.
Buffy: Or what it's like to have to stake vampires while you're having fuzzy
feelings towards one?
Giles: Uh...
Buffy: Digging on the undead doesn't exactly do wonders for your social life.
Cordelia: Come on. Richard and his fraternity brother wanna meet you.
Buffy: Well, I don't really wanna meet any fraternity boys.
Cordelia: And if there was a God, don't you think he'd keep it that way?
Richard: What, she likes to play hard to get?
Tom: No, Richard. I think you're playing easy to resist.
Tom: No, nothin' happened last week, don't worry, I was there.
Angel: What are you sayin', you wanna have a date?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You don't wanna have a date?
Buffy: Who said 'date'? I-I-I never said 'date'.
Angel: Right. You just wanna have coffee or somethin'.
Buffy: Coffee?
Angel: I knew this was gonna happen.
Buffy: What? What do you think is happening?
Angel: You're sixteen years old. I'm two hundred and forty-one.
Buffy: I've done the math.
Angel: You don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you want...
Buffy: Oh. No, I, I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a
deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.
Cordelia: Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair... Alright, I respect you too much to be dishonest. The hair's a little... Well, that really isn't the point here, is it? The Zeta Kappas have to have a certain balance at their party, and Richard explained it all to me, but I was so busy really listening that I didn't hear much. Anyway, the deal is they need you to go. And if you don't go, I can't. And I'm talking about Richard Anderson, okay? As in Anderson Farms, Anderson Aeronautics and Anderson Cosmetics. Well, you see why I *have* to go. Buffy, these men are rich. And I am *not* being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money!
Buffy: I-I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with - ye gods - Cordelia.
Willow: Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not
really... Cordelia?!
Xander: Cordelia's much better for you than Angel.
Buffy: Angel barely says two words to me.
Xander: Don't you hate that?
Buffy: And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child.
Xander: That bastard!
Buffy: You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation.
Xander: Yeah! Tom? Who's Tom?
Xander: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
Xander: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with a halter top tonight?
Willow: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew.
Xander: Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties... That's not askew, that's
cockeyed.
Willow: Askew means cockeyed.
Xander: Oh.
Cordelia: You know what's so cool about college? The diversity. You've got all the rich people, and all the other people.
Tom: We're not all a bunch of drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts.
Willow: Oh! Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have. Angel, how do you shave?
Willow: Well... Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you, you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?! Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy.
Cordelia: [to Angel] You did it! You saved us! I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole... [to the gang] You guys. I just... hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around! [to Tom] And you! You're going to jail for fifteen thousand years!
Cordelia: Thank you, Jonathon. Did we forget something?
Jonathon: Um... Cinnamon, chocolate, half-caf, nonfat. ...Extra foam!
Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? [to Angel] Hey, man, how you doin'?
Cordelia: Buffy. Love the hair. It just screams street urchin.
Xander: Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing!
Xander: [Having just been rescured by Buffy] I'm gonna do what any man would do about it, somethin' damn manly.
Buffy: I think I just violated the guy code big time.
Willow: True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and
read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Willow: Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.
Buffy: You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.
Giles: I enjoy cross-referencing.
Willow: Yeah. Still, I think I prefer being able to vote. Or I will when I can.
Cordelia: [Re: Angel] Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?
Cordelia: Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.
Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
Buffy: Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry. There's no way I could ever afford this. [A
Victorian dress]
Ethan: Oh, nonsense. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse.
Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
Buffy: Cool! I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you!
Xander: Private Harris reporting for... Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
Cordelia: Is Mr.
I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call
gonna be there?
Oz: Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.
Cordelia: Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even
mention it. And that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine.
Oz: So, what do I tell him?
Cordelia: Nothing! Jeez! Get with the program.
Willow: She couldn't've dressed up like Xena?
Xander: Big noise scare monster, remember?
Spike: [To Buffy as a Victorian woman] Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb. I love it.
Oz: [Seeing Willow] Who is that girl?
Jenny: It's a secret!
Giles: What kind of a secret?
Jenny: Uh, the kind that's secret. You know, where I don't actually tell you
what it is.
Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?
Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it
gives me a happy!
Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. ...Of course, I had no idea what it was about.
Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?
Xander: No, only in the literal sense.
Xander: This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?
Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.
Xander: Care to make a small wager on that?
Ford: [Re: Angel] He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.
Xander: You're not wrong.
Ford: [To Angel] Whoa! Cold hands!
Xander: You're not wrong.
Angel: He just moved here?
Xander: Yeah. And, boy, does he move fast.
Willow: [To Xander, after realizing Angel has left without a sound] See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.
Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
Buffy: What? Whating a what?
Angel: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in.
Willow: Oh! Well, okay, I invite you. To come in.
Angel: I guess I need help.
Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old and you already
know stuff.
Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net.
Willow: Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl.
Buffy: Okay, Will, fess up. Are you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.
Giles: You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?
Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Angel: Could you *not* call me that?
Angel: They're children making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to
comfort themselves in the dark.
Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need
a story.
Giles: Um, she's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was
killed by an angry mob in Prague.
Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's
alive.
Giles: A book! It took one of my books!
Jenny: Well, at least someone in this school is reading.
Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?
Ford: I've got something to offer you. I'm pretty sure this is the time where
you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill
me? It's tradition.
Spike: Well, I don't go much for tradition.
Angel: Some lies are nessecary.
Buffy: For what?
Angel: Sometimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out.
Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla
was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and
chaste...
Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental
torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day
she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.
Buffy: Well, I asked for the truth.
Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?
Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.
Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.
Buffy: Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?
Xander: Oooh, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!
Giles: It's a first edition!
Jenny: I'm lying, Rupert. The book's fine. I just love to see you squirm.
Giles: Yes, well, I, uh... trust I gave good... squirm.
Cordelia: What?! Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! And I can take a hint. What's the hint?
Buffy: All's well that ends with cute ER doctors, I always say.
Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
Xander: When are we gonna need computers for real life anyway?
Jenny: Hmm, let's see. There's home, school, work, games...
Xander: You know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a
big comeback.
Willow: And the abacus.
Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?
Buffy: So, none of you have noticed anything different lately?
Xander: Nope.
Cordelia: No, he seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the
police.
Ethan: Snooping around.
Buffy: Honesty. Nice touch.
Ethan: It's one of my virtues. ...Not really.
Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy till I'm thirty.
Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal
files and seeing what you can find?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? Nah.
Cordelia: What about me? I care about Giles.
Buffy: Uh, work with Xander.
Cordelia: Well, when I say 'care', I-I mean...
Buffy: Cordelia!
Jenny: Nothing's safe in this world, Rupert. Don't you know that by now?
Buffy: That's okay. I'm not much into running.
Ethan: Aren't we manly?
Buffy: One of us is.
Willow: We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have
to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't
with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Cordelia: We're sorry.
Xander: We'll be good.
Angel: I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waitin' for a good fight.
Giles: I never wanted you to see that side of me.
Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a
grownup, and ... then I find out that you're a person.
Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd
rather live in the dark.
Willow: You're not gonna be young forever.
Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid.
Xander: Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and
the pretty.
Cordelia: Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice.
Xander: Is murder always a crime?
Buffy: Do I like shrubs?
Xander: That's between you and your god.
Dalton: Well, I'm not sure. It could be, uh... deprimere... ille... bubula...
linter.
Spike: Debase, the beef, canoe. Why does that strike me as not right?
Buffy: Does 'rest in peace' have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot. You're not a people.
Buffy: Uh, we're having this thing at school.
Angel: Career week?
Buffy: How did you know?
Angel: I lurk.
Angel: I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night
boyfriend.
Buffy: Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it.
Giles: Buffy. Thank you. I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering
the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and
long-winded some of these Watchers were.
Buffy: Color *me* stunned.
Buffy: As long as I'm alive, there is no one else. Well, there you go! I
don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead.
Giles: That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I don't laugh.
Buffy: Wouldn't be much of a change. Either way I'm bored, constricted, I never get to shop, and my hair and fingernails still continue to grow. So really, when you think about it, what's the diff?
Spike: Trouble?! She's the gnat in my ear! The gristle in my teeth! She's the bloody thorn in my BLOODY SIDE!
Xander: Principal Snyder! Great career fair, sir! Really! In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking principal school. I wanna walk in *your* shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now.
Xander: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you.
Recruiter: You've been selected to meet with Mr. McCarthy, head recruiter for
the world's leading software concern. The jet was delayed by fog at Sea-Tac, but
he should be here any minute. Please, make yourself comfortable.
Willow: But I didn't even get my test back.
Recruiter: The test was irrelevant. We've been tracking you for some time.
Willow: Is that a good thing?
Recruiter: I would think so. We're extremely selective. In fact, only one other
Sunnydale student met our criteria.
Oz: Canapé?
Buffy: You know why? I *am* immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature.
Giles: It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most
commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint.
Buffy: Note to self: religion: freaky.
Buffy: Excommunicated *and* sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning.
Xander: So, why go to all the trouble of inventing something, and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I'da gone with 'The Cross-o- matic', or, uh, 'The Amazing Mr. Cross'.
Xander: But Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!
Oz: [About Buffy] That is a tense person.
Giles: Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone.
Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to
unplug her phone.
Angel: You know, I'm a little rusty when it comes to killing humans. It could take a while.
Willow: [Startled awake] Don't warn the tadpoles!
Cordelia: You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I? Mass
transportation.
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I
wouldn't pay it any mind.
Xander: C'mon Cordelia. You wanna be a member of the Scooby Gang, you gotta
be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.
Cordelia: Oh, right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my
best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless
man.
Kendra: I am Kendra. De Vampire Slayer.
Kendra: Identify yourself!
Buffy: Back off Pink Ranger! This is my friend.
Kendra: Friend?
Buffy: Yeah. As in person you hang with? Amigo?
Kendra: I don't understand.
Kendra: But de Slayer must work in secret for security.
Giles: Of course, uh, but, uh, with Buffy, however, it-it's, um, some
flexibility is required.
Giles: The new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died.
Uh... Oh, good Lord! You were dead, Buffy.
Buffy: I was only gone for a minute.
Kendra: She died?
Buffy: Just a little.
Kendra: I had good reason to tink you were [a vampire]. Did I not see you
kissing a vampire?
Willow: Buffy would never do that! Oh. Except for that sometimes you do that.
But only with Angel.
Buffy: I don't take orders. I do things my way.
Kendra: No wonder you died.
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a t-shirt too? 'Cause that would be cool...
Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
Kendra: Buffy's a student here?
Giles: Yes.
Kendra: Riiight, of course. And I imagine she's a cheerleader as well.
Giles: Oh, no, well, a-a-actually she had to give up her cheerleading.
Buffy: I mean, maybe after this thing with Spike and the assassins is over, I
could say, 'Kendra, you slay, I'm going to Disneyland'.
Willow: But not forever, right?
Buffy: No, Disneyland would get boring after a few months.
Xander: Then go! I'm not stopping ya!
Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by
herself!
Xander: Not just any girl. You're special.
Buffy: Hey, Will, don't look, okay, but... No, don't look! That guy over
there is totally checking you out.
Willow: Oh, that's Oz. He's expressing computer nerd solidarity.
Willow: Hey! Your hair! Is brown!
Oz: Oh, yeah, sometimes.
Oz: I'm not really a computer person, you know. Or a work of any kind person.
Willow: Then why'd they select you?
Oz: Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. E-except that it leads to
jobs.
Willow: Are you okay?
Oz: I, uh, I'm shot! Y'know. Wow! It's odd! And painful.
Xander: Who sponsored career day today? The British Soccer Fan Association?
Xander: A Slayer, huh? I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.
Kendra: Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!
Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.
Kendra: I'm with you.
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can
send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality
removal.
Buffy: Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets!
Kendra: Maybe. For you. But I prefer to keep an even mind.
Buffy: Mm. I guess that explains it.
Kendra: Explains what?
Buffy: Oh, well, when we were fighting, uh, you're amazing! Your technique, it's
flawless, it's, hmm, better than mine.
Kendra: I know.
Buffy: Still, I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And ya know why? No
imagination.
Buffy: You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know
how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh-uh, seriously, don't get me wrong,
y-you really do have potential.
Kendra: Potential? I could wipe de floor wit you right now!
Buffy: That would be anger you're feeling.
Spike: Pft! I'll see him die soon enough. I've never been much for the
pre-show.
Angel: Too bad. That's what Drusilla likes best, as I recall.
Spike: Who the hell is this?!
Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike.
Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!
Spike: I'd rather be fightin' you anyway.
Buffy: Mutual.
Oz: Oh, hey! Animal cracker?
Willow: No, thank you. How's your arm?
Oz: Suddenly painless.
Willow: You can still play the guitar okay?
Oz: Oh, not well, but not worse.
Willow: Y'know, I never really thanked you.
Oz: Oooh, yeah, please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red. Have to bail.
It's not pretty.
Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? ...You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. ...So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey, man, where are *my* pants? I have my hippo dignity!'
Cordelia: Fine! Whatever. You know, the point is: don't try it again!
Xander: I didn't try it! Forget about the bugs, okay? The memory of your lips on
mine makes my blood run cold.
Cordelia: If you dare breathe a word of this...
Xander: Like I want anyone to know!
Cordelia: Then it's erased!
Xander: Never happened!
Cordelia: Good!
Xander: Good!
Cordelia: *Good*!
[They kiss]
Kendra: Mm. Am not tellin' me Watcher about dat. It is too strange dat a
Slayer loves a vampire.
Buffy: Tell me about it.
Kendra: Still, he is pretty cute.
Kendra: You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Buffy: Did you get that from your handbook?
Kendra: From you.
Xander: How is Angel? Pretend I care.
Ted: I get the demos for free, I don't see why I shouldn't give them to you
for the same price! Any friend of Buffy's...
Willow: [Squeals]
Ted: What?
Xander: Oh, that's just the sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker
joy.
Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I don't *know* him. I, I mean, so far all I see is someone who
apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes
him.
Xander: What kind of a monster is he?
Xander: [Sing-song] You're having parental issues, you're having parental issues... What? Freud would've said the exact same thing. Except he might not have done that little dance.
Jenny: You make me feel bad that I don't feel better. I don't want that responsibility.
Buffy: I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy
in my life.
Angel: No, but maybe your mom does.
Buffy: Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Cordelia: What's wrong with you?
Xander: I gave you a compliment.
Cordelia: In front of your friends! They're gonna know!
Xander: Look, I'm not gonna tell, they're not gonna know. Not your friends,
not my friends. You wanna go to the utility closet and make out?
Cordelia: God! Is that all you ever think about? ...Okay.
Willow: But I'm sure it wasn't your fault. He started it.
Buffy: Yeah. That defence only works in six-year-old court, Will.
Cordelia: I thought you liked him.
Xander: I sometimes like things that are not good for me.
Cordelia: But she's like this superman. Shouldn't there be different rules
for her?
Willow: Sure, in a fascist society.
Cordelia: Right! Why can't we have one of those?
Xander: Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you! Well, that's the cookies talkin', but you rock!
Buffy: You died.
Ted: That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about
that? Are we sorry?
Ted: You don't have to worry about Buffy. You don't have to worry about anything. Daddy's here.
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted? ...Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence!
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Joyce: Do you wanna rent a movie tonight?
Buffy: Sounds like fun.
Joyce: Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men.
Buffy: I guess we're 'Thelma and Louise'ing it again.
Willow: The sad part is the real Ted must've been a genius. There were design
features in that robot that pre-date...
Buffy: Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Willow: Not any big ones.
Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
Joyce: You're just too young to wear that.
Buffy: Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? ...That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.
Mr. Whitmore: ...it's often difficult to remember that there *are* negative
consequences to, uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such
consequence?
Cordelia: Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex *in* the car or *out* of
the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the
top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and, and...
Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'.
Willow: Tardy people show.
Xander: You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe
and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Buffy: I can't do this! I can't take care of things. I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke.
Giles: That's, um Lyle Gorch, and that one's his brother, Tector. They're
from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring an entire
Mexican village in 1886.
Buffy: Friendly little demons.
Giles: That was before they became vampires.
Tector: That the Slayer?
Lyle: Yep.
Tector: Ain't that Angelus with her?
Lyle: Yep.
Tector: Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me
blush?
Joyce: What's wrong? Your egg kept you up all night?
Buffy: You're killing me. Parenting's a pain!
Joyce: Wait till it starts dating.
Xander: Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is
all those pesky words. You... Angel... big... smoochies?
Buffy: Shut... Up.
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your
transgression.
Xander: I resent that! ...Or possibly thank you.
Cordelia: Well, I think we should look around, don't you, Xander?
Xander: It can wait.
Cordelia: Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere. So we should
check some closets to see if he's in a closet?
Xander: You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go.
Buffy: Oh. That's okay, um... I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or... have little vampires.
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
Xander: [Seeing a small, ugly monster] Can I just say 'Gyughhh'!
Buffy: I see your 'Gyughh'! and raise you a 'Nyaghhh'!
Xander: Alright, Willow said something. Uh, a name. What was it?
Buffy: A bozo! Not a bozo.
Xander: A bezoar.
Buffy: That's it! Okay, so now... we look it up?
Xander: In what?
Buffy: A book?
Xander: Cordelia! I don't wanna hurt ya. Some of the time.
Angel: You still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday.
Buffy: Surprise me.
Buffy: I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder.
Willow: He's nice. Hey, I like his hands.
Buffy: Mm. A fixation on insignificant detail is a definite crush sign.
Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. I mean, he's a senior.
Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a
bicentennial.
Willow: Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing?
Willow: Do you guys, uh, have a gig tonight?
Oz: Oh, no. Practice. See, our band's kinda moving towards this new sound
where... we suck, so... practice.
Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous
about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh, well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me
tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Xander: I dunno. This... thing with us, despite our better judgment, it keeps
happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating.
Cordelia: Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until
the guy spends money.
Xander: Fine, I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it's some
kind of whacked that we feel we have to hide it from all our friends.
Cordelia: Well, of course you wanna tell everybody. You have nothing to be
ashamed of. I, on the other hand, have everything to be ashamed of.
Giles: Here comes Buffy. Now remember: Discretion is the better bart of
valor.
Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
Giles: Still, best to be, uh, on the alert. If Drusilla is alive, i-i-it
could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs.
Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?
Giles: Go to class, Xander.
Xander: Gone. Notice the economy of phrasing: 'Gone'. Simple. Direct.
Drusilla: This will be the best party ever. Because... It will be the last.
Giles: We're having a party tonight. [In spite of danger]
Xander: Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny.
Buffy: Sorry. Sacred duty, yada yada yada.
Oz: Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Uh, well, uh... sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will
fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a *lot*.
Xander: Well, clearly the Hellmouth's answer to 'what do you get the Slayer who has everything?'
Drusilla: Make a wish. ... I'm going to blow out the candles.
Giles: The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can
literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the
process. No human ever has.
Xander: What's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy, and we go for
pizza.
Judge: [To Dru and Spike] You two stink of humanity. You share affection and jealousy.
Angel: The pain is gone. I feel just fine.
Willow: My God, you people are all... Well, I'm upset, and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are, and we're going to the factory!
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. And there's
terrible confusion.
Judge: This one... cannot be burnt. He is clean. There's no humanity in him.
Spike: Clean? You mean, he's...
Judge: There's no humanity in him.
Drusilla: Angel
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
Drusilla: Psst. We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
Cordelia: You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd
never die for me.
Xander: No, I might die *from* you. Does that get me any points?
Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.
Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's Cordelia! Remember?
The, the 'We Hate Cordelia' club, of which you are the treasurer.
Xander: Look, I was gonna tell you.
Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?
Xander: Willow, we were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much.
Willow: No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be
with me.
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Willow: Let's get this straight. I don't understand it, I don't wanna understand it, you have gross emotional problems, and things are not okay between us. But what's happening right now is more important than that.
Xander: Whoa. Whoa! I... I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan... [The lights go out] Now I'm having a wiggins.
Angelus: I've got a message for Buffy.
Buffy: Why don't you give it to me yourself.
Angelus: Well, it's not really the kind of message you tell. It sort of involves
finding the bodies of all your friends.
Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined
his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom.
Xander. I have a plan.
Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place.
Xander: Because if I tell you, then you won't do it. Just meet me at Willow's house in half an hour. And wear something trashy... er.
Buffy: So it was me. I did it.
Jenny: I think so, I mean if you...
Giles: I don't understand.
Jenny: The curse. If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment of... He
would lose his soul.
Giles: Wh-wh-h-h-how do you know you were responsible f-for... Oh...
Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we
still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know.
Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it! Do you? You tried to kill her,
but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer
you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To
kill this girl... you have to love her.
Xander: Look, I... I just want to give her the tour. Uh, you know what I'm
saying. Well, you know the ladies. They like to see the big guns. Gets them all
hot and bothered. Can you cut me some slack, gimme a blind eye?
Soldier: You got 20 minutes, nimrod.
Xander: I just need 5. ...Uh, forget I said that last part.
Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
Oz: So, do you guys steal weapon from the Army a lot?
Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun.
Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about
class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like
everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage. ...Oh, I'm
not gonna kiss you.
Willow: What? But, freeze frame!
Oz: Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make
your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that's on the
empty side. See, in my fantasy when I'm kissing *you*, you're kissing *me*. It's
okay. I can wait.
Buffy: Everybody keep back. Damage control only. Take out any lesser vamps if you can. I'll handle the Smurf.
Oz: This cheerleading trophy. It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it.
Willow: So did you like the movie last night?
Oz: I don't know. T-today's movies are kind of like popcorn. You know, you
forget about them as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn,
though.
Larry: Man! Oz, I would love to get me some of that Buffy and Willow action,
if you know what I mean.
Oz: That's great, Larry. You've really mastered the single entendre.
Larry: So, Oz, man, what's up with that? Dating a junior? Uh, let me guess.
That little innocent schoolgirl thing is just, uh, just an act, right?
Oz: Yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun.
Willow: It is nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies!
Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
Willow: I've dropped anvils.
Buffy: Ah, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: At last count, all of them. Maybe more.
Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow.
Willow: But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars.
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1- 800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Xander: But what could she possibly see in him?
Cordelia: Excuse me? We didn't come here to talk about Willow. We came here to
do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a... good
girl.
Xander: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior, he's attractive
-- okay, maybe not to me, but -- and he's in a band. And we know what kind of
element that attracts.
Cordelia: I've dated lots of guys in bands.
Xander: Thank you.
Cordelia: Do you even wanna be here?
Xander: I'm not running away.
Giles: Well, it seems there were a, a number of other attacks by a wild dog
around town. Several animal carcasses were found mutilated.
Willow: You mean, like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me.
Oz: Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take
care of themselves.
Willow: Well, last night was the night before the full moon, traditionally
known as... 'the night before the full moon.'
Giles: Meaning the accepted legend that werewolves only prowl during a full moon
might be erroneous.
Cordelia: Or it could be a crock.
Giles: I must admit I, I am intrigued. Werewolves, it's... it's one of the classics. I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon.
Coach: Sunnydale is becoming more dangerous all the time. And a full moon
like tonight tends to bring out the crazies, but with some simple basics of
self-defense each of you can learn how to protect yourself.
Buffy: [to Willow] Here's a suggestion: move away from the Hellmouth.
Larry: Oh, last week some huge dog jumped out of the bushes and bit me.
Thirty-nine stitches. They oughta shoot those strays.
Oz: I've been there man. My cousin Jordy just got his grownup teeth in? Does not
like to be tickled.
Willow: Don't forget, you're supposed to be a meek little girlie-girl like
the rest of us.
Buffy: Spoil my fun.
Giles: Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh,
predatory and, and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender - hey!
Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
illow: Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern, except without the
holding or... anything else.
Cordelia: What's he waiting for? What's his problem? Oh, that's right, he's a
guy.
Willow: Yeah, him and Xander. Guys.
Cordelia: Who do they think they are?
Willow: A couple of guys.
Buffy: I'm guessing you didn't see anything either from that vantage point of having your eyes closed.
Oz: Aunt Maureen. Hey, it's me. Um, what? Oh! It's, uh... actually it's healing okay. That's pretty much the reason I called. Um, I wanted to ask you something. Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh. What? No, no reason. Um... Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken.
Xander: I know what it's like to crave the taste of freshly killed meat, to
be taken over by those uncontrollable urges.
Buffy: You said you didn't remember anything about that.
Xander: [Chuckles] I said I didn't remember anything about that.
Buffy: So what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf
profile?
Willow: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior,
run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents.
Buffy: Okay, most of those were not my fault. Somebody else started 'em. I was
just standing up for myself.
Willow: They say it's a good idea to count to ten when you're angry.
Buffy: One... Two... Three...
Buffy: Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like,
they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want.
Willow: It used to be so much easier to tell if a boy liked you. He'd punch you
on the arm and then run back to his friends.
Oz: I'm goin' through some... changes.
Willow: Well, welcome to the world! Things happen. Don't you think I'm going
through a lot?
Oz: Not like me.
Willow: Oh, what, so now you're special? You're special boy... With chains and
stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff?
Willow: He-he said he was going through all these changes. Then he went through all these... changes.
Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either.
Xander: When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Buffy: I'm sorry. But never.
Xander: Well, this is new territory for me. I mean, my valentines are usually met with heartfelt restraining orders.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
Willow: My boyfriend's in the band!
Giles: Buffy... Might I have a word?
Buffy: Have a sentence, even.
Angelus: [Gives Dru a heart] I knew you'd like it. I found it in a quaint little shopgirl.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out. It might make an impression.
Angel: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Cordelia: Xander... Thank you. It's beautiful. I wanna break up.
Xander: Yeah! Okay... Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody?
Any day besides Valentine's Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic
irony?
Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Amy: I didn't say blackmail.
Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up.
Xander: Th-that's it! This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this!
Xander: Oh, no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
Buffy: [To Xander, while wearing only a raincoat] Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to... hit you.
Cordelia: Damn it, Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis?
Cordelia: And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former!
Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft.
Xander: That is such a...Well, yeah, okay, good point.
Drusilla: If you harm one hair on this boy's head...
Angelus: You've gotta be kidding. Him?
Drusilla: Just because I finally found a *real* man...
Angelus: I guess I really *did* drive you crazy.
Xander: None of this would've happened if you hadn't broken up with me. But
no, you're so desperate to be popular!
Cordelia: Me? I'm not the one who embraced the black arts just to get the girls
to like me. Well, congratulations, it worked!
Xander: Would've worked fine, except your hide's so thick, not even magic can
penetrate it!
Cordelia: You mean the spell was for me?
Cordelia: Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm *way* cooler than you are 'cause I'm *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
Cordelia: Oh, God, what have I done? They're never gonna speak to me again!
Xander: Oh, sure, they are. If it helps, whenever we're around them you and I
can fight a lot.
Cordelia: You promise?
Xander: You can pretty much count on it.
Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping... waiting... And though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?
Buffy: When I woke up, I found a picture he'd left me on my pillow.
Xander: A visit from the pointed-tooth fairy.
Xander: Y'know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms.
Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into
my car whenever he wants.
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift
whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
Jonathon: We're supposed to get some books. On Stalin.
Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?
Giles: This is a school library, Xander.
Xander: Since when?
Xander: The [sing-song] nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle?
Giles: Yes, Xander, once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to
its simplest possible form.
Buffy: I know. I'm gonna have to tell her something. The truth?
Giles: No. You-you-you-you can't do that.
Xander: Yeah. The more people who know the secret, the more it cheapens it for
the rest of us.
Buffy: That's easy for you to say. You don't have Angel lurking in your
bedroom at night.
Giles: I know how hard this is for you. ... All right, I don't.
Xander: Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form thing'? ...Watcher's pet.
Buffy: Willow, I thought I might take in a class. Figured I could use someone who knows where they are.
Willow: I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes. Dead or alive.
Angelus: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space.
Jenny: I know you feel betrayed.
Giles: Yes. Well, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal.
Buffy: No problem. Hey, sorry about your fish.
Willow: Oh, it's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet.
Buffy: He's completely different from the guy that I knew.
Willow: Well, sort of, except...
Buffy: Except what?
Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
Buffy: Look... I know you feel badly about what happened, and I just wanted to say... Good. Keep it up.
Giles: I-I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires.
Cordelia: Oh, thank goodness. I actually had to talk my grandmother into
switching cars with me last night.
Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' every year.
Buffy: You know, Cordelia, we've already done your car. Call it a night if
you want.
Cordelia: Right. Thanks. And you know I'd do the same for you if you had a
social life.
Angelus: I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love.
Willow: 'Hicce verbis consensus rescissus est.' [By these strong unanimous
words {Angelus' permission to enter} is rescinded.]
Buffy: Sorry, Angel. Changed the locks.
Angelus: I was invited. The sign in front of the school... 'Formatia trans
sicere educatorum.'
Jenny: 'Enter all ye who seek knowledge.'
Angelus: Oh, my cure? No, thanks. Been there, done that, and deja vu just isn't what it used to be.
Willow: Oh, yeah. It went fine. Well, it went fine until Angel showed up and
told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had... Well, you know, that they had... you
know. You do know, right?
Giles: Oh, yes. Yes. Sorry.
Willow: Oh, good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you
maybe didn't know.
Joyce: Oh, well... I guess that was the talk.
Buffy: So how'd it go?
Joyce: I don't know. It was my first.
Angelus: Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief.
Willow: But don't you think he wants to be left alone?
Buffy: I'm not worrying about what he wants. I'm worried about what he's gonna
do.
Cordelia: But I thought he kept his weapons at the library.
Xander: No, those are his, uh, everyday weapons. These were his good weapons.
The ones he, uh, breaks out when company comes to visit.
Xander: I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'
Spike: If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus.
This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter
as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one
incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control.
Angelus: It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
Buffy: I wasn't ready. But I think I finally am. I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel is gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back.
Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!
Cordelia: Half the school's out with this flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're all concerned about how gross you look.
Angelus: Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine.
Xander: She fell.
Willow: The flu.
Cordelia: She fainted.
Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!
Willow: I'll call Giles, tell him what happened. You call Buffy's mom, tell her, not what happened, just get her here.
Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home? Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?
Cordelia: I don't know, Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking
for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potatohead.
Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you
can't.
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up
that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.
Xander: Flowers for milady.
Buffy: I think they call those balloons.
Xander: Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow.
Buffy: Homework!
Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means *nothing* to me.
Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the
loop on gifts.
Giles: It's, it's tradition among, um... people.
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
Cordelia: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people.
They take advantage of you.
Xander: Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out.
Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it.
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for
'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.
Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal.
Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play
doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, uh,
and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing
it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did *you* play doctor?
Buffy: I never have.
Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go
with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have... Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a
research assistant.
Cordelia: Let's go, tact-guy.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working
so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.
Willow: [dDistracting orderlies] Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me! ...No more frogs!
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Joyce: Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly, without the crust, just
the way you like it.
Buffy: And the juice?
Joyce: Two parts orange, one part grapefruit.
Buffy: That's my drink.
Joyce: I measured it exactly.
Buffy: Oh, mom?
Joyce: Mm-hm?
Buffy: I wanted crunchy peanut butter.
Joyce: Oh, sorry.
Buffy: A-and I said extra jelly.
Joyce: Anything to help my daughter get well.
Willow: Oh, and while you're up, could I get a refill? It's just I'm so
comfortable.
Joyce: Of course.
Willow: Thanks.
Xander: Oh, oh, oh, and another bag of cheesy chips.
Joyce: Uh, you ate the last one.
Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins.
Joyce: I'm on it.
Xander: Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?
Ben: I'm Ben. We had Algebra II together last year.
Buffy: Sorry, I pretty much repressed anything math-related.
Ben: Ms. Jackson? Second period? You sat in the seat three over and one behind.
Buffy: Oh! Yeah, I remember now, it's the one with the desks and the chalkboards
and pencils and stuff, right?
Buffy: No, no, you seem like a really great guy, it's... me. I-I'm not seeing anybody. Ever again, actually.
Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.
Boy: No! A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody. Love is forever.
Buffy: What happened?! You just went O.J. on your girlfriend!
Snayder: What would Sunnydale High do without you around to incite mayhem,
chaos and disorder?
Buffy: I don't incite! I stopped that boy from killing his girlfriend, ask him.
Ask the janitor.
Snyder: People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw
JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my
hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and
rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is your
fault.
Xander: Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?
Buffy: Pretty much. But I don't know. This time it bugs me.
Xander: I don't wanna poo-poo your wiggins, but a domestic dispute, a little
case of chalk-board Tourette's? All sound like Hellmouth Lite to me.
Xander: This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm
not gonna take it any more'.
Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a
poltergeist.
Xander: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.
Giles: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's, that's
the trouble. See, uh, many times the spirit is plagued by all manner of worldly
troubles. Being dead, it has no way to, uh, to make its peace. So it, it lashes
out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry.
Buffy: So it's a normal teenager, only dead.
Spike: It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us.
Giles: I *encourage* you to, to always, uh, challenge me, uh, when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
Willow: This is freaky. I don't remember ever seeing Giles be this weird.
Xander: I know. He's usually Investigate-Things-From-Every-Boring-Angle Guy. Now
he's I-Cling-Onto-My-One-Lame-Idea Guy. What gives?
Xander: Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In a full body sense?
Snyder: We're on a Hellmouth. Sooner or later, people are gonna figure that out.
Drusilla: Maybe I'll sleep underground. Dig myself a little burrow.
Spike: What about your pretty dress, sweet? It'll get all dirty.
Drusilla: Then I'll sleep naked. Like the animals do.
Angelus: You know, I'm suddenly liking this plan.
Angelus: What, with you being Special Needs Boy, I figure I should stick close to home. You and Dru can always use another pair of hands.
Cordelia: Hey. If Sunnydale High School shuts down forever, do we automatically graduate?
Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because
people deserve it. It's done because they need it.
Buffy: James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind
passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did.
And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is
just something he's gonna have to live with.
Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.
Cordelia: Okay. Overidentify much?
Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp.
Cordelia: Yep, school can open again tomorrow.
Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing.
Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank.
Spike: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've
exfoliated.
Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You
didn't have this thing in you.
Drusilla: What was it? A demon?
Angelus: Love!
Drusilla: Poor Angel.
Cordelia: It's about time our school excelled at something.
Xander: You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: He actually told him to alter his grades?
Willow: Exactly. Except for the actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly
clear of what he wasn't telling me.
Xander: That's wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every
one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to *earn* our D's.
Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie, just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose... and I don't have a scratch on me... which, granted, hurts my case a little, on the surface...
Willow: So, we're looking for a bestie.
Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole... except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah. The skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high colesterol? ...You're gonna think about that later,
mister, and you're gonna laugh.
Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. ... 'From whence it came'? I'm spending *way* too much time around you. [Giles]
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.
Willow: So, you wanted revenge. Didn't you? Didn't you?
Jonathon: Yeah! Okay? I did!
Willow: So... You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from
the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance.
Jonathon: Huh?
Willow: Didn't you?
Jonathon: What? No! I snuck in yesterday and... peed in the pool.
Cordelia: [Seeing a swimmer in Speedos] Oh! Oh, my! Now, that, girls, is my kind of... Xander!?
Xander: He was right behind me, putting his sneakers on. But it's not the Velcro kind, so give him a couple of extra minutes.
Xander: Sure. The discus throwers got the best seats at all the crucifixions.
Buffy: I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.
Buffy: Oh, well right now, I'm imagining you in jail. You're wearing a big, orange suit, and, oh, look, the guards are beating you up.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even
stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity. Which you obviously skipped.
Cordelia: You were so courageous. And you looked really hot in those Speedo's. And I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And... and we can still date. Or, or not. I mean... I understand if you wanna see other fish.
Cordelia: I think we can safely say we've found Sean. He was in the pool skinless-dipping.
Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.
Angel: Milady, you'll find that with the exception of an honest day's work, there's no challenge I'm not prepared to face.
Xander: I had that guy under control until he resorted to fisticuffs.
Xander: Oh, yeah, finals! Why didn't you let me die?
Cordelia: Boy, Willow, you're really got the teaching bug: Taking over
computer class, tutoring... I think it's great to do that before you go out and
fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're
falling... well, forward.
Xander: And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a
personal best?
Snyder: And you! Are we having a chair shortage?
Willow: [Sitting on Oz's lap] I didn't read anything about... Oh. I get it.
Snyder: These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This
isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.
Buffy: Yeah! Where they teach lunch.
Cordelia: [Re: Snyders remark] How about because you're a tiny, impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
Angelus: Oh, hush, child. The Lord has a plan for all creatures. Even a Devil child like you.
Angelus: You can see all that in you head?
Spike: No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper.
Buffy: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I mean, when in the real world am I ever gonna need chemistry or history or math or the English language?
Buffy: I don't want you putting yourself in any danger, Will.
Willow: And I don't want danger. Big 'no' to danger, but I may be the best
person to do this.
Xander: Hi! For those of you who have just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy
person. So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an
interesting angle. Who cares?
Cordelia: Xander has a point.
Xander: You know, just once, I wish you'd support me, and I realize right now
that you were, and I'm embarrassed, so I'm gonna get back to the point.
Buffy: Well, I'll do a couple of sweeps, and then I'll stop by. Yeah, Xander was pretty much being a... Willow! Where did you learn that word? My God. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.
Angelus: Acathla the demon came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor demon would want to look. Unless of course they're putting up low-rent housing.
Spike: Let me guess. Someone pulls out the sword...
Angel: Someone worthy.
Spike: Mmm. The demon wakes up, and wackiness ensues.
Angelus: My friends... we're about to make history... end.
Willow: Okay, somebody explain the whole 'he will suck the world into Hell' thing, because that's the part I'm not loving.
Willow: I don't wanna be our only hope! Uh, I crumble under pressure! Let's have another hope.
Buffy: Ah, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em. Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.
Spike: Someone wasn't worthy.
Angelus: I didn't come here to fight. Gosh, I was hoping we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a shot? ...Alright. We'll fight.
Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.
Officer: All units, we have a fugitive on foot at the high school. Homicide suspect. Female, blond, approximately sixteen years old. Suspect is *very* dangerous.
Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured somebody, they didn't even have chainsaws.
Buffy: I have had a really bad day, okay? If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat.
Whistler: In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point.
Spike: Hey! White flag here. I quit.
Buffy: Let me clear this up for you. We're mortal enemies. We don't get
time-outs.
Spike: You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to
stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently.
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
Buffy: I lost a friend tonight! And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.
Buffy: I hate you.
Spike: And I'm all you've got.
Buffy: All right. Talk.
Spike: I'm just gonna kill this guy. ...Oh, right.
Xander: Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. You gotta wake up. I need you, Will. I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know? And who am I gonna call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always... I love you.
Willow: My head... feels big. Is it big?
Oz: No. It's head size.
Willow: I'm okay, Buffy, really. I mean, I don't feel good, but... I'm awake, and I know my name and who's President and how many fingers, so they don't think my brain got mushed at all.
Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Um... you hit me with an ax one time. Remember? Uh, 'get the hell away
from my daughter.'
Spike: Dru bagged a Slayer? She didn't tell me! Hey, good for her! Though not from your perspective, I suppose.
Joyce: I-I mean, have you tried *not* being a Slayer?
Buffy: Get them [the police] involved, you'll get them killed.
Joyce: Well, you're not gonna hurt them, are you?
Buffy: I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker.
Buffy: No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world... again.
Willow: There's no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face? You've seen it before. You know what it means.
Spike: You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet.
Buffy: You know I didn't do it. The police will figure it out.
Snyder: In case you haven't noticed, the police of Sunnydale are *deeply*
stupid.
Snyder: These are the moments you want to savor. You wish time would stop so
you could live them over and over again. You're expelled.
Buffy: You never ever got a single date in high school, did you?
Whistler: You know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never gonna get the good stuff.
Xander: Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here.
Xander: Willow. Uh, she told me to tell you... Kick his ass.
Giles: You're not real.
Xander: Sure I'm real.
Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want.
Xander: Then why would they make you see me?
Giles: You're right. Let's go.
Angel: Where are we? I don't remember.
Buffy: Angel.
Angel: Your're hurt. Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in
months.
NOW LEAVING SUNNYDALE come back soon!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Go to quotes Season 1
Go to quotes Season 2
Go to quotes Season 3
Go to quotes Season 4
Go to quotes Season 5
Go to quotes Season 6
Go to quotes Season 7
Go back to Home
Updated October 2003.
Author: Millan
"I don't need a life, I have Buffy!"