Dawn: But he's new. He doesn't know his strength. He might not know all those fancy martial arts skills they inevitably seem to pick up.
Buffy: Never forget it. It doesn't matter how well-prepped you are or
well-armed you are. You're a little girl.
Dawn: Woman.
Buffy: Little woman.
Dawn: I'm taller than you!
Dawn: Yeah, I planned to get killed, come back as a vampire, and bite you.
Willow: Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. Complete mystery to me.
Giles: You know we can't. This isn't a hobby or an addiction. It's inside you now, this magick. You're responsible for it.
Willow: When you brought me here, I thought it was to kill me. Or to lock me
in some mystical dungeon for all eternity here, with the torture. Instead you go
all Dumbledore on me. I'm learning about magick, all about energy and Gaia and
root systems.
Giles: Do you want to be punished?
Willow: I want to be Willow.
Buffy: You're going to be late.
Dawn: I'm comfortable with that.
Buffy: Go, talk with your mouth full.
Buffy: You're unconscionably spiffy.
Xander: Client meeting. How exactly do you make cereal?
Buffy: Ah. You put the box near the milk. I saw it on the Food Channel.
Buffy: My sister's about to go to the same high school that tried to kill me for three years. I can't change districts, I can't afford private school, and I can't begin to prepare for what could possibly come out of there. So... peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.
Dawn: So the principal's evil?
Buffy: Or in a boatload of danger.
Xander: Well, the last two principals were eaten. Who'd even apply for that job?
Buffy: And stay away from hyena people or any lizardy-type athletes. Or if
you see anyone that's invisible-
Dawn: Hey, Buffy, I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going to see
anybody that's invisible.
Buffy: You know, you could still drop out. Only nerds finish high school. Buffy: You didn't really think she's my... it's my hair. I have mom hair. Dawn: I know! You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. H
Halfrek: D'Hoffryn, the Lower Beings... they're all feeling the heat. Something's
rising- something older than the Old Ones- and everybody's tail is twitching.
This is a bad time to be a good guy.
Anya: What is this, an intervention? Shouldn't all my demon friends be here?
Halfrek: Sweetie... they are.
Buffy: I think I may have destroyed Dawn's social life in all of about thirty
seconds but apart from that, no.
Xander: Ah, being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books.
Giles: The Hellmouth.
Willow: It's going to open. It's going to swallow us all.
Dawn: And, Buffy? Isn't this reception amazing? I'm in the frickin' basement!
Buffy: Again, wrong sister. I'm the one that dates dead guys. And no offense but they were hotties. I mean, I'm sure you had a great personality...
Spike: Nobody comes in here. It's just the three of us.
Buffy: What did you do?
Spike: I tried... I tried to cut it out.
Buffy: So far, to piss me off.
Dawn: Please tell me it's working.
Dawn: You really weren't kidding about
this place. I guess it hasn't changed.
Buffy: I don't know. It seems smaller.
Wood: What, you're serious? You did hear the part about the money, right?
Buffy: Yeah, I heard. My schedule might be a little funtastic but I'll work
it out. I'd like to keep an eye on this place.
Wood: Well, that's great! Look at that. It's not even noon and I've already
bullied my first family member into helping out. I'm going to be the best
principal ever.
The First as Mayor Wilkins: So what'd you think? You'd get your soul back and everything
would be Jim Dandy? A soul's slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think
I sold mine? Well, you probably thought that you'd be your own man and I respect
that. But you never will.
The First as The Master: Right back to the beginning. Not the Bang, not the Word. The true
beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride and I think we're
all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're
a pathetic schmuck... if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you. Tried to do
what's right. Just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. Not
about wrong.
The First as Buffy: It's about power.
Dawn: I mean, it's just so cool. You're coming to school with me. You'll be, like, there the whole time. [pauses] You understand you cannot talk to me, look at me, or hang out with any of my friends, right?
Xander: At a spankin' new Hellmouth High. Please... outside of drugs and violence and unwanted pregnancy and... the unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes pouring out of the school's foundation every now and then, what trouble could these kids have?
Dawn: You guys really need to ease up on the
whole "dating demons" thing.
Buffy: Hello, I'm sorry... wasn't that you having the smoochathon with teen
vampire last Halloween?
Wood: Just remember that while you are here to help,
you're not here to be their friend. Trust me, you open that door and these
students will eat you alive.
Buffy: You heard about Principal Flutie, right?
Wood: It's the... it's a... It's a bad joke. It's the bastinada. No-one ever
knows what that thing is.
Buffy: Wooden rod to slap the soles of the feet in Turkish prisons, but if
made with the correct wood makes an awesome Billy club.
Wood: I think you're gonna fit in just fine.
Buffy: Was it my sparkling personality? Or maybe you enjoyed my work at the Doublemeat Palace?
Giles: That's your fear talking.
Willow: Yes, and my fear is being an obnoxious blabbermouth.
Giles: I'd love
to offer you some guarantee that you'd be welcomed back to Sunnydale with open
arms, but I can't. You may not be wanted, but you will be needed.
Dawn: Should we round up the gang?
Xander: Good thinking, except... this is the gang.
Buffy: Look Nancy, we're going to get into this. And I promise you, if your
dog is alive, we're going to find him. The only thing that I need is a little --
Spike: What you need is help. Fortunately, you've got me.
Buffy: New clothing, better hair. Not so much with the crazy- I like it.
Dawn: I'm command central so everybody check in with me. Okay, I'll be here doing my homework but the other one sounded cooler.
Dawn: You sleep, right? You, vampires... you sleep?
Spike: Yeah, what's your point, niblet?
Dawn: Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your
head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're
going to wake up on fire.
Spike: And when exactly did your sister get unbelievably scary?
Spike: I don't fancy sticking my head in there.
Buffy: Well, if something bites it off, that'd be a clue.
Buffy: I don't know what your game is, Spike, but I know there's something
you're not telling me.
Spike: You're right, there is. But we're not best friends anymore, so too bad
for me. I'm not sharing. we've been through things, the end of the world and
back. I can be useful 'cause, honestly, I've got nothing better to do. Make use
of me if you will.
Xander: Right. Sunnydale -- come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
Xander: Are you ok? Dumb question. Are you hurt?
Nancy: Is there anyone here who hasn't slept together?
[Xander and Spike exchange a look.]
Anya: I am so gonna kick your ass.
Spike: Costume. Didn't help. Couldn't hide.
Buffy: No more mind games, Spike.
Spike: No more mind games. No more mind.
Buffy: Spike, have you completely lost your mind?
Spike: Well, yes. Where have you been all night?
Buffy: Your soul...
Spike: A bit worse for lack of use.
Buffy: You got your soul back. How?
Spike: And now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I... and him... and it... the other. The thing beneath...beneath you. It's here, too. Everybody. They all just tell me go. Go... to hell. Spike: Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev- To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness and everybody will forgive and love... and he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?
Xander: I used yellow crayon. It was a thing from when I talked to Willow on
the bluff. I hope she gets it.
Dawn: Oh, tell us again what you said.
Xander: Well, I was talking from my heart and I knew Evil Willow wasn't
really ready to -- You were kidding.
Buffy: We've heard the crayon speech a few times. Not that it's not great, of
course.
Xander: I saved the world with talking from my mouth. My mouth saved the world.
Dawn: She didn't finish? She didn't finish being not evil?
Dawn: Well, if she's doing that-ducking Giles-then, she's evil, right?
Xander: Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil.
Buffy: I hope you're right, because defeating Lazy Willow -- probably less hard.
Dawn: So Giles is blaming Giles, and we're blaming us. Is anyone gonna blame Willow? Oh, don't give me shock face. I mean, will anyone around here ever start asking for help when they need it?
Anya: What are you doing here? I thought you were with Giles studying how to
not kill people.
Willow: I just got back.
Anya: Just got back, as in you're all better, or just got back to bring about
a fiery apocalypse of death.
Anya: Here's something you should know about vengeance demons: We don't group
with the "sorry." We prefer "Oh, God, please stop hitting me with
my own rib bones."
Willow: Go on. Say whatever you want. Rib bones and so forth. I-I deserve it.
Anya: Then you won't mind? Well, then, that's no fun.
Anya: Oh, at the new high school, probably. Everyone's all about the high
school. Buffy's got some kind of job there helping junior deviants, Spike's
insane in the basement, Xander's there doing construction on the new gym-
Willow: Wait, Spike's what in the whatment?
Xander: Tough to look at.
Buffy: And yet my eyes refuse to look away. Stupid eyes.
Spike: Everyone's talking to me. No one's talking to each other.
Xander: Her boy? I'm her boy?
Willow: Something horrible killed a boy. Took his skin right off.
Anya & Willow: Was it you? No!
Anya: This isn't going to get all sexy, is it?
Anya: Hey, look, that's me! Hello. What's that huge clump?
Willow: It's the high school. It's all hellmouthy is underneath.
Dawn: Then this is your guy. He laps up the blood. You could say it's like
his natural beverage.
Xander: You're terrifying.
Xander: Should've put a leash on him.
Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.
Dawn: It's smellementary. Also, I'm sure there's tons of stuff like this. You
know, procedures we can use that don't involve magic spells. Just good solid
detective work. And we can develop a database of tooth impressions and demon
skin samples and I could wear high heels more often.
Buffy: Wow, that was so close to being empowered.
Spike: I'm insane. What's his excuse?
Dawn: Face up! Face up!
Xander: She's right, face up is better.
Buffy: Oh, got it. It says the paralysis is permanent. No, oh, wait, my bad. Permanent until the creature dies. Sorry.
Xander: Oh! You're poseable.
Buffy: She's poseable?
Anya: It's a common variety. Watch this.
Anya: But they're here. Buffy and Xander.
Willow: They came? They didn't leave me?
Anya: No, they didn't leave you. They can't see you.
Buffy: Wow. That's magic, right? I mean, when most people when they meditate don't get extra skin, right. 'Cause Clem should, like, cut back.
Willow: You know Giles says everything's part of the earth. This bed. The
air. Us.
Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything.
Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon.
Buffy: True.
Dawn: You know, I'm not the shortest one here. I don't know why I had to be in the kid coffin.
Buffy: OK, first of all, I... I think it's great that you would come and talk
to me about this. And second of all, you should know that there is nothing
shameful about being gay. Nothing.
Josh: I-I know. It's just-I'm not positive, so, uh, I was thinking that...
why don't you go on, uh, a date with me so I can be sure.
Principal Wood: I kept telling everyone that he'd better sleep with one eye
open 'cause I was gonna bust his ass. Well, I got suspended. Talk like that is
taken pretty seriously where I come from.
Buffy: The hood?
Principal Wood: Beverly Hills.
Willow: Have you googled her yet?
Xander: Willow, she's 17.
Willow: It's a search engine.
Xander: Love poems?
Willow: I'm over you now, sweetie.
Buffy: You're asking my sister to the dance, and she's your second choice?
Buffy: Do you know why I came back to Sunnydale High?
Boy: To creep me out?
Cassie: [To Spike] She'll tell you. Someday she'll tell you.
Buffy: See? You can make a difference.
Cassie: And you will.
Xander: Hopes? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There are no hopes. Anya and I are
done. I love being single. I'm a strong, successful male who is giddy at the
thought of all the women I will no doubt be dating in the near future.
Buffy: Strong, successful males say "giddy"?
Olaf: Ha, ha, ha! Sweet Aud! Your logic is insane and happenstance, like that of a troll. It is no wonder that the bar matrons talk of you.
Buffy: Spike. This basement is killing you. This is the hellmouth. There is something bad down here, possibly everything bad.
Willow: For God's sake, shut your whimpering mouth!
Village Man: Run! Hide your babies and your beadwork!
Village Man: The troll is doing an Olaf impersonation!
Troll: I am Olaf!
Village Man: Hit him with fruits and various meats.
Anya: I am Aud.
D'Hoffryn: Are you? Hmm. I'm afraid you don't see your true self. You are
Anyanka. I'm a patron of a family of sorts. We're vengeance demons. I'm sure
you've heard of us.
Olaf: Come here tiny man. You are small and toy like.
Anya: Vengeance.
D'Hoffryn: But only to those who deserve it.
Anya: They all deserve it.
D'Hoffryn: That's where I was going with that, yeah.
Willow: Anya, listen to
me. You're in trouble. You know it. I'm here to help you.
Anya: You're here to -- Well, that's great, Willow. Flayed anybody lately,
have you? How quickly they forget!
Anya: I'm talking about life. Vengeance is what I do, Halfrek. I don't need anything else. Vengeance is what I am.
Buffy: Xander. It's OK. She didn't tell us for a reason. She didn't tell us
because she knows what I have to do. I have to kill Anya.
Xander: There are other options.
Buffy: I've considered them.
Xander: When? Just now? Took you all of ten seconds to decide to kill one of
your best friends?
Buffy: The thought that it might come to this has occurred to me before. It's
occurred to you, too.
Xander: Then don't! This isn't new ground for us. When our friends go all
crazy and start killing people, we help them.
Buffy: I know. And that's why you can't see this for what it really is.
Willow was different. She's a human. Anya's a demon.
Xander: And you're the slayer. I see now how it's all very simple.
Buffy: It is never simple.
Xander: No, of course not. You know, if there's a mass-murdering demon that
you're, oh, say, boning, then it's all gray area.
Buffy: Spike was harmless. He was helping.
Xander: He had no choice.
Buffy: And Anya did! She chose to become a demon. Twice.
Buffy: I killed Angel! Do you even remember that? I would have given up
everything I had to be with - I loved him more than I will ever love anything in
this life. And I put a sword through his heart because I had to.
Willow: And that all worked out OK.
Buffy: Do you remember cheering me on? Both of you. Do you remember giving me
Willow's message: Kick his ass.
Willow: I never said that!
Buffy: It is always different! It's always complicated. And at some point,
someone has to draw the line, and that is always going to be me. You get down on
me for cutting myself off, but in the end the slayer is always cut off. There's
no mystical guidebook. No all-knowing council. Human rules don't apply. There's
only me. I am the law.
Xander: There has to be another way.
Buffy: Then please find it.
D'Hoffryn: I figured I'd be hearing from you soon. The flaying of Warren
Meers? Oh, truly inspired. That was water cooler vengeance. Lloyd has a sketch
of it on his wall.
Willow: That's not me anymore.
D'Hoffryn: Is that right? So, I didn't feel your presence earlier today? I
didn't feel a bit of the old you? Anya: Everyone is so considerate today. I
should've slaughtered people weeks ago.
Xander: Did everybody have their crazy flakes today? You guys are friends.
How could you talk like this?
Anya: I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, you've always seen what
you wanted to. But you knew, sooner or later, it would come to this.
Anya: This is getting to be a pattern with you, Buffy. Are there any friends of your left you haven't tried to kill?
D'Hoffryn: It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.
D'Hoffryn: Actually, funny historical side-bar, her original name was -
Anya: I wanna take it back.
D'Hoffryn: Who did you think you were dealing
with? Did you think it would be that easy to get away?
Anya: Why?
D'Hoffryn: Why? Because you wished it!
Anya: You should've killed me.
D'Hoffryn: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. From beneath you, it devours. Be
patient. All good things in time.
Anya: Yes, I should. My whole life, I've just
clung to whatever came along.
Xander: Well, speaking as a clingee, I kinda didn't mind.
Anya: Thanks. For everything.
Anya: Xander - what if I'm really nobody?
Xander: Don't be a dope.
Anya: I'm a dope?
Xander: Sometimes.
Anya: That's a start.
Xander: You're gonna live in that small room over there. I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now.
Xander: Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English-to-ConstantPainInMyAss translation?
Buffy: Invitation.
Xander: Is there something more emphatic than hate? Can I revile the plan?
Fine. I invite you in. Nimrod.
Xander: Why not? Crazy-Basement-Guy is better than Stalking-Buffy-Guy.
Dawn: It's true. You guys aren't... You're not starting up again with the
whole --
Buffy: No. A thousand gallons of no.
Spike: I'll go. This can't work.
Buffy: It will. I-it already is. OK, you know, you've been out of the
basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible
people.
Spike: Bollocks.
Buffy: OK, so there was that one episode in the car, but -
Spike: No, bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling.
Buffy: It's not coddling. Now go to your closet.
Anya: Well, I-I guess you guys could use my help. Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing - except when she's evil. And Dawn - she's not really good for anything.
Xander: Right, with the wailing and the crying... Still better than a cozy evening with Spike. Shall I order a pizza? Don't teens in a snit like pizza?
Xander: Remember when she used to have a crush on me? I miss the much cuter "me" crush.
Buffy: That's not the point. I don't want a new cheerleading outfit.
Xander: Now, now, let's not be hasty. Not the right time.
Xander: It's the jacket. It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest makes girls get all swoony and crushy. I saw it all the time in school. And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play - not that I tried.
Xander: Well, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less
bl-bl-bl-bl-bl. I'm just saying... once you get back the soul, doesn't that mean
you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?
Willow: No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.
Buffy: At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful
change.
Buffy: The one who, according to Dawn, is the quote smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest, and having the thickest boy eyelashes boy in school unquote.
Xander: [Realising a hottie is Dawn] Oh. Oh! No! "Daddy" - No, I wasn't - When I was looking, I
wasn't... Oh, God!
Willow: Right there with ya, hon.
Buffy: So, do you have plans later, or are you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?
Buffy: OK, first with the lap dance, now with the catfight. Hey, you wanna get drunk and barf next?
Xander: I just called him "that guy in the jacket".
Dawn: That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name!
Xander: Now get off the boy, Buffy. We're going home.
Buffy: I betrayed you? You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy
about you and my lover.
Dawn: Your lover? Your lover!
Buffy: Why? Because he's younger than me? You know, I'm extremely youthful. And peppy.
Anya: Crazy little lust puppies, aren't they?
Xander: Well, at least the yelling went away. It was starting to sound like
Christmas morning with my family.
Willow: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could
find.
Anya: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an
anti-anti-love spell spell... spell.
Willow: But you don't even know him!
Anya: Yes, I do. I looked into him and saw his soul.
Willow: He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass -
Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman - and he isn't.
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it!
Willow: There's a simple answer to this. Just think about who loves him the
most. Clearly I do, since I'm willing to look past the whole orientation thing.
Anya: Well, you're gonna have to do better than that - I'd kill for him.
Willow: You'd kill for a chocolate bar.
Willow: Yeah, well I have skills. I can prove my love with magic.
Anya: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do - use magic to make him into a girl?
Damn.
Willow: Oh, man! Now I've gotta start all over. Hecate hates that.
Xander: What the hell are you doing?
Willow: Proving I love R.J. the most!
Xander: Will, honey... R.J.'s a guy.
Willow: I did notice that, yeah. 'S why I'm doing my spell, 'cause, you know,
he doesn't have to be.
Buffy: Well, I wouldn't put it past her. She's recently evil, you know.
Willow: Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?
Dawn: But I - I thought you wanted him... for you.
Buffy: Nah. Well, yeah. My God, that boy is hot. Sorry. I think I might be
under a spell here.
Dawn: I hear ya.
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that
jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Anya: It was a spell. You were helpless. We're not responsible for anything
we did morally or, you know, legally...
Xander: True. You fell for a mystical, ancient curse. Who hasn't made that
mistake seven, eight times?
Jonathan: Of course I'm scared. Last time we were here, 33.3bar percent of us were flayed alive.
Andrew: I didn't like it there. Everybody spoke Mexicalan.
Jonathan: You could've learned it. you learned the entire Klingon dictionary
in two and a half weeks.
Andrew: That had much clearer transitive and intransitive rules, OK?
Jonathan: Desde abajo te debora.
Andrew: "It eats you starting with your bottom."
Dawn: Anchovies, anchovies, you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
Holden: Well, you were never around. A lot of kids thought you were dating
some really old guy, or that you were just heavy religious. Scott Hope said you
were gay.
Buffy: What? I dated that ringworm.
Holden: He says that about every girl he breaks up with. And then last year,
big surprise, he comes out.
Buffy: Men. I know how to pick 'em.
Buffy: Yeah, what I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead.
Andrew: We find it. We alert the slayer. We help her destroy it. We save Sunnydale. Then we join her gang and possibly hang out at her house.
Andrew: You keep leaving me. I hate it when you leave me. One time you died, and I ended up a Mexican.
Holden: I just think you're in some pain here - which I do kind of enjoy
'cause I'm evil now - but you should just ease up on yourself. It's not exactly
like you have the patent on bad relationships.
Buffy: Wouldn't it be cool if I did?
Buffy: OK, you know, this is beyond evil. This is insane troll logic.
Holden: Buffy, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you.
Holden: Oh, well, you know, not my God, because I defy him and all of his
works, but - Does he exist? Is there word on that, by the way?
Buffy: Nothing solid.
Willow: A lot of people grieve. They don't make with the flaying.
Willow: I am the power. It's in me. Did I mention the random destruction of property? The Magic Box is not so much a box now -
Cassie: So go. Be with her. Everybody will be safe, and you'll be together
again. It's not that bad. Really. It's just like going to sleep.
Willow: Who are you?
Joyce: Things are coming, Dawn. Listen, things are on their way. I love you,
and I love Buffy, but she won't be there for you.
Dawn: What? Why are you - ?
Joyce: When it's bad, Buffy won't choose you. She'll be against you.
Cassie: You don't know hurt. This last year's gonna seem like cake after what
I put you and your friends through, and I am not a fan of easy death. Fact is,
the whole good-versus-evil, balancing the scales thing - I'm over it. I'm done
with the mortal coil. But believe me, I'm going for a big finish.
Willow: From beneath you, it devours.
Cassie: Oh, not it. Me.
Xander: I don't know, creature of the night, Buff. He's probably out creaturing.
Xander: Why would a vampire lie about who sired him. What's that? Some kind of status symbol for the undead. My sire can beat up your sire.
Xander: OK, let's look at this objectively. Figure it out in a cold,
impersonal, CSI-like manner 'cause we're a couple of carpet fibers away from a
case.
Anya: Yeah, but you don't think so. OK, have you searched his room for clues?
Trophies from victims? Killers like to keep trophies sometimes. Scalps,
necklaces made from human teeth.
Anya: Better be, because if I get vamped, I'm gonna bite your ass.
Xander: Wouldn't be the first time.
Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and halfway to happy land by now.
Anya: I used to tell the truth all the time when I was evil.
Buffy: Oh, uh, actually, I need some help. I'm looking for this guy.
Bleach-blonde hair, leather jacket, British accent? Kind of sallow, but in a hot
way?
Bouncer: Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wannabe?
Buffy: Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from - never mind.
Xander: Oh, an out of control serial killer. You're right, that is a great houseguest.
Anya: Shouldn't we stab him through the chest? Isn't that what we do when these things happen?
Warren: Pretty bitchin', right? I'm like Obi Wan?
Andrew: Or Patrick Swayze
Willow: No, I have to get out of the house. Xander's installing the new windows, and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk-not my thing.
Willow: I'm talking. Don't interrupt me, insignificant man. I am Willow. I am death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true. OK?
Andrew: Hey, your hair's not even black anymore.
Xander: What're you doing back in town?
Andrew: You'll get nothing out of me, carpenter.
Anya: No, you were great! And I wasn't sure if I should slap him, but then he made me want to slap him, so I thought, OK, slap him!
Buffy: How did you do it? How'd you get your soul back?
Spike: Saw a man about a girl.
Anya: Maybe it's another musical. A much crappier musical.
Buffy: I know these guys. I fought them before. We aren't being haunted. This isn't some demon. It's all the same thing. Spike's ghosts, the people you guys saw, from beneath us, it's all the same thing. I know what we're up against. The First.
Xander: It's a loop...like the Mummy Hand. I'm doomed to replace these windows for all eternity.
Anya: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" Or terrified. Whatever.
Dawn: There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like the first made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
Giles: Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse.
Buffy: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble.
Buffy: Something evil is coming.
Joyce: Buffy, evil isn't coming, it's already here. Evil is always here.
Don't you know? It's everywhere.
Xander: Who's joking? That pantry thing could work. Are you saying M. Night Shamalayan lied to us?
Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?
Andrew: I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or, speak up so I can hear you.
I'm bored. Episode 1 bored.
Rona: Um...why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he
gagged?"
Torg: Three, but who's counting. You broke my heart, Anyanka.
Anya: Don't be so dramatic, Torg. You don't even have a heart. Six spleens,
two stomachs, half a brain maybe, but no heart.
Anya: It was one date. And it wasn't even a date. We just happened to be
invited to the same massacre, and - and you hit on me after I had a few...
Torg: I remember, you wore pink.
Anya: Those were entrails.
Torg: Ugh, please, you're human. The way you look now, I wouldn't touch you
for all the kittens in Korea.
Anya: You're rejecting my offer of sexual bribery? What am I, a leper in this
town? I can't even give it away!
Andrew: Ow! Watch it! That's my joystick hand.
Xander: I'm not gonna touch that one.
Giles: I refuse to believe that. There must be some way to destroy it.
Beljoxa's Eye: What, am I talking to myself here? There's no way.
Beljoxa's Eye: The eye sees not the future, only the truth of the now and before.
Anya: Yes, we've all got that - it's called memory. Can you help us out with something a little bit more demony?
Beljoxa's Eye: The First Evil did not cause the disruption, only seized upon
it to extinguish the lives of the chosen forever.
Giles: Then what has caused the disruption? What - what is responsible for
letting this happen?
Beljoxa's Eye: The slayer.
Willow: Facing my fear. I'm facing my fear. Hear that, Fear? I'm facing you.
Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.
Giles: It's not because she died. The Beljoxa's Eye was quite clear about
that in its enigmatic way. It's because she lives. Again. Buffy's not
responsible for that.
Anya: Oh. Oh. Willow and me and Xander and Tara. We're the ones who brought
Buffy back. We're - we're the reason The First is here, the reason those girls
were murdered. No, it's our fault. The world would've been better off if Buffy
had just stayed dead.
Buffy: Xander, I know... I'm sorry. If you're going to take a shower at my house, lock the door. Of course they're curious.
Amanda: Do people ever think you're weird?
Buffy: I guess... sure. In a charming, endearing, lovable...yeah.
Xander: Wait, the seers couldn't find out her name or her address or anything? Am I getting the definition of "seer" wrong?
Andrew: I'm not begging!
Buffy: You're like a small dog dancing for Snausages.
Buffy: He's not evil but when he gets close to it, he picks up its flavor, like a mushroom or something.
Andrew: Killing pigs is just so wrong... and also hard...
Anya: Yes, it's like one second you're this klutzy teenager with fake memories and a history of kleptomania and then suddenly you're a hero. A hero with a much abbreviated life span.
Willow: A Slayer... makes sense, I guess. Remember that thing about they
share the same blood or whatever?
Anya: Yeah, I never got that.
Andrew: Holy crap. Excuse me. Plucked from an ordinary life... handed a
destiny...
Xander: Say Skywalker and I smack you.
Molly: Where'd you live?
Spike: What, you mean before? A crypt, actually, but nicer. A bit more... I
don't know if posh is the right word but it was more like...
Buffy: Comfy.
Kennedy: Excuse me? When did you find it comfy?
Anya: Want me to kick down the door?
Xander: Anya...
Anya: What? I think it'd be funny.
Xander: Seven years, Dawn. Working with the Slayer. Seeing my friends get
more and more powerful. A witch, a demon. Hell, I could fit Oz in my shaving kit
but come a full moon he had a wolfy mojo not to be messed with. Powerful, all of
them. And I'm the guy who fixes the windows.
Dawn: Well, you had that sexy Army training for a while and...the windows
really did need fixing.
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie. To be the one who isn't
chosen, to live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see
more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I
see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing. Knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is. Maybe I should get a cape.
Giles: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. How frightening and difficult it is. Apparently somebody told them that the visionquest consists of me taking them into the desert and doing the hokey pokey until a "spooky rasta mama Slayer" appears and talks to them in riddles.
Giles: Yes. S'mores. I'm going to end up singing campfire songs, aren't I?
Dawn: Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive the first leg.
Buffy: Betcha now you wish you'd renewed that California driver's license.
Spike: It's like a bloody war zone up there. And not in the fun way.
Spike: Who you gonna call? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Willow: You know, there are other stories from kindergarten, non-yellow-crayon stories, in which you don't come out in such a good light. An incident involving Aquaman Underoos, for example. Want me to start talkin'?
Xander: Hey! Willow!
Andrew: What? Why? 'Cause I used to be evil?
Xander: Well, actually, no, 'cause you're annoying, but, yeah, that's a good
reason, too.
Anya: Which means we're already too late, we're heading out to the middle of
nowhere --
Dawn: With no Slayer, no powerful witch...
Anya: Just a teenager, a powerless former demon and two big geeks.
Giles: Gah!
Xander: Touch him!
Dawn: I feel him! I feel him!
Xander: Me too.
Andrew: Me too!
Giles: Yes. Good. We all feel each other. Including those of us who don't
really know each other well enough to take such liberties. I assume there's a
perfectly reasonable and not-at-all insane explanation coming, yes?
Anya: We thought you might be non-corporeal evil.
Giles: Well, I... I really don't know what to...Wait, let me understand. You
thought I was evil because I took a group of young girls on a camping trip and
didn't touch them??
Initiative General: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-face here. Those were his exact words, ma'am.
Spike: Anya said you were The First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all, y'know, go-through-able!
Wood: What are you doing tonight?
Buffy: Preparing for tomorrow's counseling sessions.
Wood: No, really.
Buffy: Watching a reality show about a millionaire.
Buffy: It's not even that his behavior's that suspicious. But there he is,
right over the Hellmouth all day every day. It's gotta be like being showered
with evil, only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet, then. A bidet of evil.
Xander: Also, like, ten years older than you, right?
Willow: Which makes him, like a hundred years younger than your
"type."
Buffy: Yay, someone who doesn't remember the industrial revolution.
Jonathan/First: Really? Why? So you can earn a spot on her little pep squad?
You think she'll ever let you in? You're a murderer.
Andrew: Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow
and Spike...
Spike: You tried to record the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally piss it off?
Xander: What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me!
But I've got the answer! Willow! Gay me up! C'mon! Let's gay!
Willow: What?
Xander: You heard me. Tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott
Bakula, that's a start, right?
Xander: C'mon Willow, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here!
Buffy: What if you just start attracting male demons?
Dawn: Clem always liked you.
Spike: Aw, let it go, would you? You're like a dog with a bone.
Anya: So what.
Spike: It's my bone! Just drop it.
Buffy: The Hellmouth below us is starting its semi-annual percolation. Usually blows around May.
Andrew: Where the hell have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass.
Buffy: This is Andrew. He's our...actually, he's our hostage.
Andrew: I like to think of myself more as a "Guest-age."
Willow: Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school...
pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it
On!"
Buffy: Will, it's okay, he knows.
Willow: Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.
Anya: But you fought like such a wimpire, what with the lifting and the running.
Dawn: Smelled weird. Kinda like grandma's closet... but worse.
Buffy: I didn't know that was possible.
Xander: Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader,
Buffy, as in "follow the".
Buffy: Well, from now on I'm your leader as in "do what I say".
Xander: Ja voll. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends.
Xander: It's cryptic. I don't like it. Every time instructions get cryptic, someone gets hurt. Usually me.
Anya: You missed her "everyone sucks but me" speech. If she's so superior, let her find her own way back.
SHADOW MAN #3 : [In Swahili] You are the Hellmouth's last guardian.
Buffy: Latest. You mean latest guardian.
SHADOW MAN #1: [In Swahili] No.
Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Buffy: If you're running to catch the bus naked, that's a dream. Army of
vicious vampire creatures, that's a vision. Also, I was awake.
Wood: A bus to where?
Wood: I don't know why any of you should trust each other. You've all been evil at some point, right?
Buffy: What? You stabbed Jonathan to death. What were you trying to do? Scratch his back from the front?
Buffy: Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying. Those are the easy ones.
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Giles: Have you seen the new library? It's nothing but computers. Not a book
to be seen. I don't know where to begin... Buffy, who do we talk to?
Giles: We should go before the school board.
Wood: What?
Giles: I can have my backup library sent from home, in the meantime. It isn't
much, but--
Buffy: Giles --
Giles: Knowledge comes from crafted bindings and pages, Buffy, not ones and
zeroes.
Wood: Wait. Sorry. Chip?
Giles: Long story--
Buffy: Military put a chip in Spike's brain so he couldn't hurt anyone.
Giles: And that would be the abridged version.
Buffy: I dunno. I mean... Not like it had a catchy hook or anything, like, "I'm Comin' Up So You Better Get This Party Started." It was boring, old, and English. Just like yo--ul. Brynner. Yul Brynner. A... British Yul Brynner.
Spike: Oh, bollocks-- All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head...i t's
a wonder there's room for my brain.
Giles: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?
Andrew: Willow. Call for you. From L.A. Somebody named Fred. Guy sounds kinda effeminate.
Spike: Hard day's principal-ing got you down, need a place to cut loose, let down your hair... So to speak.
Giles: Spike is a liability, Buffy. He refuses to see that. And so do you. Angel left here because he knew how harmful your relationship with him was. Spike, on the other hand, lacks such self-awareness.
Faith: Are you protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?
Spike: Angel's dull as a table lamp. And we have very different coloring.
Spike: Not all that tension was about you. Giles was a part of a plan to kill
me...for Buffy's own good.
Faith: Well, that makes me feel better about me, worse about Giles...kinda
shaky about you.
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about? I thought Faith killed a
volcanologist.
Andrew: Silly, silly...Amanda. Why would Faith kill a person who studies
Vulcans?
Faith: Three squares, nice weight room, movie every third Sunday. Could've
been worse.
Spike: What movie?
Faith: Last one was Glitter. I guess it couldn't have been worse.
Faith: Don't even tell me little Miss Tightly-Wound's been getting her naughty on?
Buffy: It could be a girl, a potential trying to get to us.
Giles: It could be a stapler.
Andrew: Godzilla's mostly Tokyo-based, so he's probably a no-show.
Amanda: Besides, if Matthew Broderick can kill Godzilla, how tough is he?
Andrew: Xander...
Xander: Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big, dumb
lizard. That was not the real Godzilla.
Xander: Well, that's where, generally speaking, you'd go to find the bad guy. And I don't think you came here to fight plaque.
Xander: I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life-literally-to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart, and this time-not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it.
Faith: Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
Buffy: Well, you always were a little slow.
Faith: I get that now.
Kennedy: An evil vineyard, huh?
Spike: Like Falcon Crest.
Xander: I might need a parrot.
Willow: Huh?
Xander: Well, to go with the eye patch, to really complete the look. I think
I still have that costume from Halloween.
Willow: Yeah, and don't underestimate the impact of a peg leg. Maybe the
hospital can hook you up with a nice one. Maybe they have a 2-body-parts for the
price of one kind of deal.
Xander: Oh, you know what the best part is? No one will ever make me watch
jaws 3-D again.
Anya: OK... I know you're all upset... and I, myself, would much rather be sitting at the bedside of my one-eyed ex-fiancé than killing time here with you people in this over-crowded and might I add increasingly ripe-smelling basement. And I would be, too, if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot immediately following some exciting and unexpected break-up sex.
Giles: There may be demons... lurking about. You never know. He's a demon
expert. He can help.
Spike: Oh, please.
Giles: Well, he can bring his pan flute thing along. Excellent. Off you go.
Kennedy: What kind of band plays during an apocalypse?
Dawn: I think this band might actually be one of the signs.
Buffy: Still able to make me see cartoon birdies all around my head? You betcha. The short lack of consciousness was nice. I feel rested.
Buffy: You sent away the one person that's been watching my back-again.
Giles: We're all watching your back.
Buffy: Funny... that's not really what it feels like.
Andrew: You sure you don't wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something,
you know, road trip food?
Spike: It's not a road trip. It's a covert operation.
Andrew: Right. Right. Gotcha. I-I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries.
They're really good.
Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things.
Andrew: Ooh, I love those.
Spike: Yeah, me, too.
Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I-I don't understand how such a
thing is possible.
Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it
holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.
Andrew: Masterful.
Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.
Andrew: Right.
Xander: That's fine. Parties in this house, I usually end up having to... rebuild something.
Anya: And it's automatically you. You really do think you're better than we
are.
Buffy: No, I --
Anya: But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you
came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy.
Buffy: I --
Anya: But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had
anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else.
They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes
you luckier than us.
Buffy: No. You don't get to vote until I've had my chance to pal around, you
know, get everybody drunk. See, I didn't get this was a popularity contest. I
should have equal time to bake them cookies, braid their hair --
Faith: Learn their names?
Anya: Let the girl speak the truth. We're all on death's door, repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal Girl Scouts trying to make quota.
Xander: Yeah, I'll get the magazines and start ripping out the letters now. "Dear Mr. First, if you want your Bringer back... well, we'll be surprised because you've got like three million of them so please disregard this letter. Yours sincerely-"
Giles: The Bringer's dumb.
Anya: And you were expecting, what? A Rhodes Scholar?
Willow: Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation of that.
Dawn: There's a translation of it? I'm over it.
Spike: He's a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Thank god I don't breathe.
Andrew: I feel used and violated... and I need a lozenge.
First Mayor Wilkins: Well, gosh! I think a "Hello" or a "Nice to see you" might be a little more welcome. It's the end of humanity Faith, not the end of courtesy.
Spike: You mean "no" as in "eventually"?
Buffy: You really have problems with that word, don't you?
Spike: It's bloody chaos over there without you.
Buffy: It is?
Spike: Yeah, it's... there's junk food cartons, sleeping bags not rolled
up... everyone's very scared and unkempt.
Principal Wood: That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles heel.
Faith: Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?
Principal Wood: It's a phrase. Your weak spot.
Faith: Oh. The school thing. I was kind of absent that decade.
Principal Wood: So did I but I still wanted my mother to hold me like a little baby. In a manly way, of course.
Anya: Of course I am! I'm a lot jealous. I mean, if we're done having sex, then I think other people should just knock it off.
Buffy: I think it's maybe some kind of scythe. The only thing I know for sure is that it made Caleb back off in a hurry.
Willow: So it's true. Scythe matters.
Anya: Yeah, they're going to look like mortally wounded Easter baskets.
Anya: Okay. I'll get Kennedy to watch the girls. She's tough. Imminent death won't bother her.
Xander: No, no, no... by "the end" I meant in a heroic, uplifting way. See I'm still optimistic. You're just thrown off a little by this gritty-looking eye patch.
Xander: Besides, if you die, I'll just bring you back to life. That's what I do.
Dawn: Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.
Xander: And you know what's even worse? All the stupid "it's all fun and
games until someone loses an eye" jokes. "Hey, Xander, so no more fun
and games, huh?"
Dawn: Giles was just having fun with you.
Xander: That's not the point. It's an obvious joke. It would be like someone
calling me a cyclops.
Faith: There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never
get along. We're not supposed to exist together.
Buffy: Also, you went evil and were killing people.
Faith: Good point. Also a factor.
Faith: Thank god we're hot chicks with superpowers.
Buffy: Takes the edge off.
Faith: Comforting.
Andrew: You are the perfect woman.
Anya: I've often thought so.
Andrew: That was kind of beautiful. You love humans.
Anya: I do not!
Andrew: Yes, you do. You love them...
Anya: Stop it! I don't love them and I'll kill you if you tell anybody.
Andrew: So... wheelchair fight?
Guardian: What's your name?
Buffy: Buffy.
Guardian: No, really.
Buffy: Angel.
Angel: You look good.
Buffy: You look timely. And also good.
Angel: [to Caleb] You are so gonna lose.
Angel: God, I've missed watching this.
Angel: Not saving the damsel in distress, that's for sure.
Buffy: You know me. Not big with the damseling.
Angel: I got coverage on the whole thing. Very gripping, needs a third act.
Buffy: You have to leave L.A.
Angel: I don't know everything. It's very powerful and probably very dangerous. Has a purifying power... or a cleansing power, or possibly scrubbing bubbles, the translation is... anyway it bestows strength, worn by the right person.
Angel: Is it Spike? You're not telling me something and his scent... I
remember it pretty well.
Buffy: You vampires. Didn't anybody ever tell you the whole "smelling
people" thing's a little gross?
Angel: Is he your boyfriend?
Buffy: Is that your business?
Buffy: It's different. He's different. He has a soul now.
Angel: Oh. Well.
Buffy: What?
Angel: That's great. Everyone's got a soul now.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole... having a soul. Before it was all
the "cool new thing"...
Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve?
Angel: I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily
bring out the champion in me.
Buffy: You're not getting the brush-off. Are you just going to come here and
go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?
Angel: Aha! Boyfriend.
Buffy: He's not. But... he is in my heart.
Angel: That'll end well.
Buffy: And what was the highlight of our relationship? The time you broke up
with me or the time I killed you?
Buffy: Because... okay, I'm cookie dough, okay?
Angel: Yet another curveball...
Buffy: I'm not done baking yet. I'm not finished becoming... whoever the hell
it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I've been looking for someone to make me feel
whole, and maybe I just need to be whole. I make it through this, and the next
thing, and the next... maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm
cookies. And then if I want someone to eat m -- or, to enjoy warm delicious
cookie-me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy... do I have to go with the cookie
analogy?
Buffy: Angel. I do. Sometimes... think that far ahead. We both have our lives,
but... sometimes...
Angel: Sometimes is something.
Buffy: It'd be a long time coming. Years, if ever.
Angel: I ain't gettin' any older.
Xander: Don't look at me, this is a Summers' thing. It's all very violent.
Buffy: You get killed, I'm telling.
Xander: Operative word "If."
Anya: Operative word "Fail."
Dawn: Or, operative word "Wheeee!" Nobody gets me.
Spike: So where's Tall, Dark and Forehead?
Buffy: Let me guess. You can smell him.
Spike: Yeah, that and I also used my heightened vampire eyeballs to watch you
kissing him.
Buffy: Good, good, I haven't had quite enough jealous vampire crap.
Spike: He wears lifts, you know.
Spike: Well you're not staying here! Can't buy me off with shiny beads and sweet talk -- you've got Angel breath.
Buffy: Have you ever considered a cool name? Since you're incorporeal and basically powerless you could call yourself "The Taunter." Strikes fear...
Anya: Come on. Let's go assemble the cannon fodder.
Xander: We're not calling them that, sweetie.
Anya: Not to their faces -- what am I, insensitive?
Principal Wood: 'Cause you're so hot?
Faith: Is what it is, yo.
Principal Wood: Please. I'm much prettier than you.
Faith: No way are you prettier than me.
Principal Wood: Little bit.
Willow: You know, Buffy: Sweet girl, not that bright.
Giles: Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected Watcher. Now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I wish I could just sleep.
Amanda: What kind of person could sleep on a night like this?
(Anya sound asleep on the table)
Xander: Only the crazy ones.
Andrew: We will defend it with our very lives.
Anya: Yes, we'll defend it with his very life.
Xander: Don't be afraid to use him as a human shield.
Anya: Good, yes, thanks.
Buffy: So. What do you guys wanna do tomorrow?
Willow: Nothing strenuous...
Xander: Mini-golf is always the first thing that comes to mind.
Buffy: I'm pretty much thinking about shopping. As usual.
Willow: There's an Agnes B. in the new mall!
Xander: I could use a few items.
Giles: Well, no, aren't we gonna discuss this? We're saving the world to go
to the mall?
Buffy: I'm having a wicked shoe craving.
Xander: Aren't you on the patch?
Willow: Those never work.
Giles: And I'm just here, invisible to the eye, not having any vote...
Xander: See, it's the eye-patch thing.
Buffy: Right, do you go with the full black secret agent look --
Willow: Or the puffy shirt pirate-slash-poet feel. Sensitive yet manly...
Xander: Now you're gettin' a little renaissance fair on me.
Buffy: It's a fine line.
Giles: The earth is definitely doomed.
Anya: Oh God. I'm terrified. I didn't think... I just figured you would be terrified and I would be sarcastic about it.
Spike: My soul. It's really there. Kinda stings.
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't. But thanks for saying it.
Andrew: She was incredible. She died saving my life.
Xander: That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing.
Faith: Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business.
Giles: There is another one in Cleveland. Not to spoil the moment...
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Updated October 2003.
Author: Millan
"I don't need a life, I have Buffy!"